[fitzgirl]

Lately, I am required to work with a person I no longer consider a close friend. I have come to realize that they are an extremely negative person, to the point where I a.) cannot be myself b.) end up feeling completely depressed, angry, and resentful whenever I am around them. Although I tell myself his problems are not my problems, for some reason, I can't help feeling this way. I find his company entirely toxic to my emotional well-being. I used to be sort of a push-over around him because I felt bad about his situation (strapped for cash, down on his luck, etc.) but I've come to realize no matter how much I try to cheer him up, or try to help him, he's not doing anything to help his own situation, and prefers to wallow in his demise and play the martyr... and doesn't see a problem in taking me down with him.

Being that I am stuck working with him, and cannot avoid him, I make it a point to be more assertive. (assertiveness is still a relatively new concept for me... but I'm trying very hard) I think he's beginning to realize that I'm not letting him take advantage of me, and isn't liking it. In response, I find him being indirectly spiteful... looking at me with hateful and resentful stares... insinuating private things he knows about me in front of others.... I know he's capable of being incredibly spiteful. I don't care if he likes it or not, I'm standing up for myself... however, even though I should feel good about it, I left with a sinking foul feeling in my stomach. The sick thing is, he claims to hate everybody, and considers me to be his only friend... so you can only imagine how I feel. I don't want to be upfront with him, because I'm affraid of what he might do.

I was feeling great a week ago... not a care in the world... and now suddenly, since I've been around him day after day... my whole world feels like it's crashing down! I cannot bear to work with him anymore. I nearly had an anxiety attack, & sobbed uncontrollably when I came home. I thought I was going insane.

I would remove myself entirely from the project that we're working on together, but the truth is, I can't. We're stuck working together for the next two weeks, and I can't bear the thought of seeing him again. I feel like throwing up. I know this must sound really really wierd... but it's true. He makes me sick.

If you have any advice on how I can deal with this kind of person, I would be more than grateful!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Is this someone you were involved with sexually or romantically? That's going to be a tough call if it is. Otherwise, is there any way you can express your concerns to a supervisor? I would think a firm

"I am submitting a complaint against _______. This individual's behavior in the context of our teamwork is affecting my productivity and ability to perform the tasks set forth. This individual's behavior is demeaning and harassing and a hostile work environment is counterproductive to the goals of our team. If this individual's behavior cannot or will not be addressed, I would like to request that I be transferred to another division or team. Enclosed you will find documentation of the problems mentioned above."

Key words that suggest legal problems: harassing, and hostile work environment. Those are serious workplace issues that need to be solved - your boss has an obligation to fix the problem or remove you from it. If your boss or supervisor is not concerned with these issues, then you may want to document your problems, and consider filing a formal complaint against the company with the Better Business Bureau and looking for work elsewhere.