Religion isnt important to my family (or me), so I'm free to date whoever I want/marry whoever I want. I'm in my early twenties, and I've fallen for a good guy friend that I've known for a couple years. He's Muslim, and while we're very similar (both grew up doing the same type of things, and we both go to bars, have the same values, etc.), he comes from a strict family. We're not actually dating, but I'm wondering whether this is even worth pursuing. During the course of the relationship, he would never be able to introduce me to his family, bring me home, even TELL his parents that he's dating me (oh...did I mention I'm white?). Platonic female friends aren't allowed to call his house. Anyone care to share experiences?
I'm usually very opened to new cultures and new religions. As long as both paries are tolerant.
First of all, I live in France and the biggest minority here is the Muslim one.
You're exposing yourself to a lot of grief here. One of my friends (classmate) comes from such a family - they spent ten years in Marocco, she speaks Arrab, etc. Also she got the best education possible, she had to marry her bf in order to move in with him, because her family wouldn't have it any other way.
I think that at first it won't bother you, but trust me, on the long run, you don't want family issues. It's hard enough to deal with relationships as it is.
I would like to say "hey, if you really like the guy, give it a shot", but I don't. Some people take religion very seriously.
If his family is that strict, can you imagine how he would be with his (your) children! My husband and I are of different faiths, well actually I'm not of any faith and he's Christian, and we do fine. But our religious backgrounds are very similar.
Many Muslims are "Westernized" and have adopted the looser attitudes about sex and marriage and the roles the husband and wife play, but many are still very very strict and it could cause a lot of conflicts later on.
If I were in your shoes, I would be very hesitant to get involved. He may seem like he is not as strict as his family, but his upbringing will come into play as he gets older and it might be very confusing for him too. That's a big stress inducer.
it's not impossible but it's very hard work. particularly if, as is the case with you, he will NEVER be able to introduce you to his family. if he is close to his family the duplicity will tear him apart.
i guess it depends what you're looking for but in my experience, this would not be worth pursuing.
if it gets to the stage where you're serious that he's the only man who could ever make you happy, he would have to be willing to leave his family for you and never see them again - because if islam is THAT important to the family, that would be his only choice if he was to have a proper relationship with you.
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Originally posted by pizzanova
We're not actually dating, but I'm wondering whether this is even worth pursuing. During the course of the relationship, he would never be able to introduce me to his family, bring me home, even TELL his parents that he's dating me (oh...did I mention I'm white?). Platonic female friends aren't allowed to call his house. Anyone care to share experiences?
if he ended up marrying you then his family would be forced to accept you in some capacity eventually and over time. this is becuase you'd be the mother of their grand kids or an aunt or whatever.
this is really a hypothetical situation cause you did state you're not even dating him.
I'm assuming that if we did get serious enough, he *would* make attempts to introduce me to his family. Interestingly enough, he wouldnt even be able to introduce a nice Muslim girl to his family, until he decided he was announcing their engagement.
I'm not sure how his family would react if he brought home a white girl (my family background is Christian but I wouldnt have qualms about "converting" to Islam, ie pretending that I practice it). I know other Muslims who are dating girls of different faiths (Hindu, Christian) and they seem quite serious. I don't know if they plan to ever get married to them though...although they WANT to.
".... bring a hearty appetite,
there's a lotta things to like,
Pizza Nova!"
Do they still use that jingle? I think this is the 2nd time I've seen your user-name & that jingle jangles through my head each time - I doubt I'll be answering many of your posts!
We're not actually dating, but I'm wondering whether this is even worth pursuing.
My bf and I are different religions. He's Jewish and I'm Hindu, and it caused a lot of drama for awhile. My parents still have not met him (3 yrs later!) and his grandma will get up and leave the room when I come over, although his parents are wonderful.
So, it's stressful, and hard work. I always get a little bit down when grandma begins to act that way, but I keep in mind that it's her and not me.
I have never dated a muslim guy, so I don't know how that would be - but don't go for it if you're going to mind a lot that you can't go over to his house, or get invited to family events, etc.
Originally posted by fanou22
Since his family is so strict, they will never accept a girl who is not muslim.
this is incorrect because according to the muslim religion or islam he has the right to marry whomever he choose as long as she is a follower of the "book" meaning the old testament. he is free to marry a jew or christian from a religious standpoint.
i believe the only combo that would not work is hindu-muslim. this is strictly verboten due to the cultural history of S.E. asia.
My cousin was married to a Muslim guy for a while and it didn't work out too well. They both had very different beliefs in what the man and womans roles in a relationship are. Not to say your relationship couldn't work but its going to be a lot harder.
I think people from different religions can get along as long as neither party is to serious about their religion. For example if I was with a girl who told me every day that I was going to burn in hell for eternity unless I converted to her religion I don't think I could take that. But if you both accept eachothers differences then you could probably get along.
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Dating someone from another religion?
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