[nextel]

Why is it that men think that they can come back to you anytime they want to after they leave you alone for a long time?

6 years ago, I ended a 4 year relationship with a guy that was mentally abusive. I gathered the courage to walk away from him. This year all of the sudden, he is calling me. I have asked him what he wants and his response was: "I just wanted to know how you were doing". I ended the convo by letting him know I was doing fine and that I had a boyfriend (which I dont). You think that has stopped him from calling me from time to time...no. I dont pick up the phone.


4 years ago, I date a guy for about a year and he was selfish. I could not deal with him and I walked away. He too is trying to initiate contact with me and I wont do it.


3 years ago, I dated a guy that lied to me. I told him that I had a problem with someone that can lie about minute things. It makes me wonder whatelse they are lying about and so I chose to end it. He is calling me and I dont pick up.

2 years ago, I thought I was in love with this man. He turned out to be the worst of all these men I am writing about. Not only was he verbally abusive within the short space of time that I knew him, he was arrogant. He openly embarassed me in front of his cousins and told me he could have whatever woman he wanted (I guess because he has money). Needless to say, I walked away, then he started stalking me. He continues to find ways to get me to go back to him. He tried to blackmail me. He has used other names to get on my IM list and have conversation with me..he has called my house from different telephone numbers that I have never seen on my caller ID in the 3 years I have had my number. I continue to ignore him.

Early last year I dated a guy that I like for about 6 months. Then out of the blues he stopped calling me. By the end of the summer, I never got a hello of any shape or form. This year, he is calling me and sending me emails. I have not responded. I let the voicemail pick up.



These are just some the highlights. Why is it that men think that they can dish it out and expect women to just take it? Is it out of loneliness, or they want to try and get their ego's stroked...I mean what is it? I remember discussing this with a friend last night and she said to me that....when there is a real man coming into your life, often the useless ones pop up first.

I would be interested in some thoughts and understanding.

[_Saffy_]

the answer to this is simple.......

you always want what you cant have !

[Nine]

Hey Nextel,

I think Saffy's on to something. My only modification would be that perhaps you are attracted to men who want what they can't have. What do you think?

Nine

[CoolAunt]

Controllers are typically lazy, which is why they use abuse to control (controlling is so much easier than actually have to work for the love of your mate). My guess is that they're probably unattached right now and instead of looking for a new victim, they're going thru their list of past victims because it's easiest and they're lazy.

[nextel]

Thanks for the responses thus far.

Nine, I dont know if I can say that I am "attracted to men who want what they can't have" Because when we get to know people, they show you the best side of themselves. I have no way to determine that these men want what they can't have. I would think that once the interest is shown and we start dating, they are having what they want.

But like everything else in life, you are either proactive or reactive. In my situation, I have learned to be proactive and walk away from situations.

I really dont know how to answer your question nine because I have no method that determines your statement.

[nextel]

CoolAunt, you might have a valid point there.

You would think that he forgot all about me after 6 years!

[_Saffy_]

yeah i agree with coolaunt too......but what i meant was.....they keep on pestering now because you got strong and men in general dont handle rejection too well.......you are NOW a challenge to them.......dont ever give in tho.

[nextel]

Thanks Saffy...point taken.

[Nine]

Hi Nextel,

You are right, most people do show their best side upfront. Generally, there are still lots of clues about their true nature even during that stage. Some of us ladies (me included in the past) tend to overlook that stuff because of one reason or another.

The other thing is that you stayed with at least a few of these guys quite a bit past the first impression stage. It does sound like you've gotten better at getting rid of the abusive ones quicker. I think that says alot about your personal growth. Keep becoming wiser and I think you'll find the one that treats you like you deserve to be treated.

Nine