[clynn]

This is a spin off on a thread that evolved into a discussion on sleeping with guys (or girls) too soon on into a relationship / dating.

I thought I would pose the question out there and see what men and women both feel?

Has anyone debunked the myth either way? Headed straight on it, broken all the rules and had an awesome relationship out of it?

Can a girl / guy wait too long to be physical....turns into friendship instead?

What about people who have waited and found that was the best choice?


And any other discussion you wish to have about "rules". ......

.... when is it to soon to kiss?
.....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not?
....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out?

.... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....?

[AndrewJ]

From the situation I experienced,

I felt that the lady of my desires wanted me to sleep with me however I was hesitant to have sexual relations so soon into dating scenario because I really liked the lady.

we shared the same bed and slept together but I was indecisive.

So she gave me the arse.

Horses for corses I guesss?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by clynn
And any other discussion you wish to have about "rules". ......

.... when is it to soon to kiss?
.....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not?
....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out?

.... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....?

it is never too soon to kiss, do it when u feel like it. woman will give signals, man pick up on them and then plants one on her lips, hopefully with heavy tongue action.

anytime before 6 months of regular dating is too soon, that is my personal rule. I've never told any woman i loved her before 6 months.

If woman says "I luv u" to me to early yes i would freak but it depends also how much I like her. If i like her a lot then it is good cause then I know I have her in my clutches.

[Pocky]

Has anyone debunked the myth either way? Headed straight on it, broken all the rules and had an awesome relationship out of it?

They're called myths for a reason.

Can a girl / guy wait too long to be physical....turns into friendship instead?

Possible. The only relationship I can recall when this happened was with my girlfriend Mary. She and I were close friends for quite some time. She later confessed she had fallen in love with me, but at that time I had no sexual desire for her. She was like my sister. I'm assuming it could happen with a guy, too. See him as my brother or best-friend..

What about people who have waited and found that was the best choice?

The longest I have waited is, uh, maybe 24 hours?

.... when is it to soon to kiss?

Only counting serious long-term relationships:

1: Five years - Sex first date.
2: Two years - Sex first date.
3. Marriage - Sex first date.

.....when is it too soon to say the "L" word? Have any girls out there been the first to say it? Was that a smart thing or not?

Depends on the people involved. Some people are weirded out by saying love too early. Some people take years to say it. My husband told me the first night. I told him about two-three weeks later.

....What about men? Happy to hear it or freaked out?

I think once the guy has determined that the woman he's with is the one then they are happy to hear it. If they're still determining whether or not they want to stay with this woman it may cause them to cringe just a bit.

.... or does it all ultimately just come down to the connection between the two people and if things are gonna go a certain way, they will and if not, they won't....?

I'd say so.

[emopunk]

If its going to go a certain way, it will. I used to have all kinds of rules... which is probably why none of those relationships ever worked out. I broke all of my rules in dating my fiance'... and guess what? It worked out.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by emopunk
I broke all of my rules in dating my fiance'... and guess what? It worked out.

Yes, not unlike the "opposites" episode of Seinfeld where George starts doing everything the opposite of what he would normally do and his whole life changed for the better!

[Cecelius]

I think many of the rules aren't rules, they strike some as self evident facts, like gravity. Of course individuals may vary and there are plenty of special circumstances that come into play, but generally, just as it bugs a girl when a man seems to get attached too soon (is he desparate and thus not that formidable an human being, it does honestly make me think twice if a girl seems okay with moving too quickly to sexual activities.

Where the line is, I don't know. But if it makes me feel that, notwithstanding my fantastic game, she'd be doing this with anyone else, I'm not sure I believe the relationship is really all that singular.

[JoL]

I dont really like the dating "Rules" to be honest. I dont think they can be applied to every situation...or every couple.
but for the sake of the topic!

4 boyfriends

1st bf, love you- 1 year, kiss- 1 month, no sex..
2nd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- 1st date, no sex..
3rd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- night we met, sex-3 months
4th bf, love you- 4 months, kiss- 1st date, sex- 3 months

[Merin]

First Kiss.. should be whenever the mood hits ya.
First time to have Sex.. while I'm not opposed to having sex even if it's on a first date what would stop me is not knowing someone's sexual health.. I'm the girl who will ask straight up if the guy in question has been tested, has he ever had any STD's.. and would he be okay with me seeing his medical record.. I've never had anyone be offended that I asked.

First time to say I love you.. My EXH told me on the first date..
My most recent EXBF told me about a week or two after I met him...
AND my currant BF and I have been together for almost 2 months.. but I haven't heard that yet.

[blind_otter]

I have a hard time saying "I love you" anyways. I've said it when I was drunk and later regretted it.

The only thing I hate about having sex on the first date is that you get attached quickly, and then you may find out more about them (eg., he is a bigot), and end up hurting more because you became physically intimate too fast. I've had sex within hours of meeting someone, and it worked out ok. That's how it was with my exH, but I've also done it with disasterous results.

Kiss? whever you feel like it. I love kissing. Perhaps this is why I got mono when I was 19. hahahha

[emopunk]

Watch the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn...
then check this link http://www.angelfire.com/pa/205/links0.html

The last rule (#15) is the single most important rule: Trust yourself!

[gypsy25]

I have been with my current boyfriend for almost 8 months and we had sex about 2 weeks after we met. But the chemistry and attraction and things in common between the 2 of us was insane, almost creepy. I think by the time we actually had sex we felt like we had known each other for a long time because of the connection we had. I told him I loved him first (I was drunk, oopsie) it was about 4 months in. He didn't say it back until about the 6th month. This is the first relationship I've had that I feel true love and I haven't followed any type of rule (except for letting him pursue me, I always think it's best to let men do this, it's an instinctual need they have).

[alphamale]

Originally posted by gypsy25
(except for letting him pursue me, I always think it's best to let men do this, it's an instinctual need they have).

i disagree, my experience is that the women make it look like the man is pursueing them but in reality it is the female who pursues the man.

women usually choose the man they want to be with. men have little say in the matter.

[kanga]

Originally posted by alphamale
i disagree, my experience is that the women make it look like the man is pursueing them but in reality it is the female who pursues the man.

Can you clarify this? How do women make it appear the men are chasing?

[Gala242]

Originally posted by JoL
4 boyfriends

1st bf, love you- 1 year, kiss- 1 month, no sex..
2nd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- 1st date, no sex..
3rd bf, love you- 3 months, kiss- night we met, sex-3 months
4th bf, love you- 4 months, kiss- 1st date, sex- 3 months

Heres mine...

10 "girlfriends"

1st gf, love you- 2 months, kiss- 3rd date, no sex
2nd gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
3rd gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
4th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
5th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
6th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
7th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
8th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
9th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex
10th gf, love you- never, kiss- never, no sex