Hello all,
Here's my deal, I've been dating this girl for 3 years and as of the new years we have broke up since she decided the night before she would rather go out with her freinds instead of me and god did that really hurt so I told her that was a chioce she would have to make and live with needless to say she did and did not come home till 8:00am the next day and she told me thats when she would be home since she would be drinking and sleeping at her freinds house. When she came home I told her to get out and not come back since her freinds are more important to her than me.
Now keep in mind I work with this girl at her Dad's shop and I have to see her everyday wasn't to bad at first, anyways she wanted to come back home and she was very sorry so I let her to which she moved out again on the next friday.
Anyways a ouple weeks go bye and I get a phone call at work from this guy asking for her and I decided to throw out a guess and ask him how long he has been dating her(don't know why I asked but just a gut feeling) to which he replys about 7 months and I just was crushed but didn't act it, I followed up with Did you know she's with someone? He replys no but knows who I am and she told him that we broke up 8 months ago casue I was havinjg sex with her roomate. Now I started to laugh and told him she doesn't have a roommate she lived with me and we just broke up 2 weeks ago and she was living there the last 3 years.
So I confronted her with this and she freaked out and lied of coarse but I told her I talked to her boyfreind and we had a nice talk, after that she told me everything and ran out to call him.
So now I get to live in this hell of knowing that everytime she went out with her freinds she was with him and having sex and also having sex with me...New years eve we had sex before she went out and she then had sex with him later that night. No all this is slowly killing me and making me not right I can't think of anything but all the times they have gotten together and want they did. They have been on 2 trips together out of state and she told me it was with her freinds but to find out it was just the 2 of them.
God I wish I could make this all go away, and be the person I was before all this. I cry dam near everyday and can't even get to grips with myself I don't think I will ever be normal again after what she did to me.
No worries....you WILL get through this and be a better and smarter person for it. All of us on this forum have had troubled relationships and that is why we are here. Nothing can take away the pain you are going through and you should let it out in any form (crying) at any time you feel the need to. It is part of the healing process. Soon enough you will start realizing that she is the big loser here, that being that she lost having you as a boyfriend. Realize that you are the lucky one in that you know this side of her prior to making any big commitments to her, ie marriage, kids, etc. Good luck to you and keep strong.
I don't have to tell you that you're better off without this girl. You must know that. It's too bad that your work situation is what it is, because it would be better if you had no contact with her whatsoever. I think I would begin looking for another job though.
You know, it's easy for me to say, but don't waste time trying to figure this one out. It's pretty black and white; she betrayed you, hopefully like no one has ever or will ever again. Hold on to your pride - - be a stone wall where she is concerned. I'm certain you can find someone who will value your love and treat you as you deserve to be treated. I'd like to tell you I believe one day she'll regret her actions, however, someone who has done what you've described may not possess a sense of right and wrong.
The best advice I can give you is be as strong as you can and don't ever offer her a free moment to discuss anything from the past. It's over - - it's done.
So now I get to live in this hell of knowing that everytime she went out with her freinds she was with him and having sex and also having sex with me...New years eve we had sex before she went out and she then had sex with him later that night. No all this is slowly killing me and making me not right I can't think of anything but all the times they have gotten together and want they did. They have been on 2 trips together out of state and she told me it was with her freinds but to find out it was just the 2 of them.
jesus man she has put you through the mincer!
you seem like a good guy and deserve better than this girl, i bet you would not have done that to her!
how on earth can someone sleep with two different people on one night ( one of them their boyfriend ) is beyond me
you gotta tell yourself 1000 times a day that she wasn't any good for me in the long run, repeat this over and over, have your friends tell you it too and some day it will really sink in and you'll be freed from this hell
build a wall of stone between you and her and don't let her chip at it because she will try to
Thanks for the replys everyone.
The heartbreak I'm feeling is overwhelming to say the least and the sad part is I always trusted her and thought she was the best girlfreind any guy could ask for and even told her that, just to find this all out. It just rips me apart knowing what kinda person she really is and wondering if I will EVER have trust in another woman again or even if I can love another woman again, ya know what I mean?
I have been in many relationships in my life and have broke up with them also but NONE of them even came close to the pain I feel from this one, I always thought she is the one for me my true love and my only love, dam was I way wrong.
And your right THANK GOD we did not have any kids and I really hope her boyfreind doesn't have any weird STD's or someone will get the beating of there life.
Numb -- I feel your pain a 1000%. That is the worse feeling to have and she really did do a number on you. Let yourself hate her. She deserves that! You seem to be a strong and decent guy and I think you are doing the right thing by letting it out in this forum.
Keep positive. Not all girls are like this and this was a very bad case.I am sure you will meeting many more girls. If I was in your position, I may not be able to fully trust another woman for a very, very long time. But any good woman that is willing to have an open communication and understand your story, she will make it a point to maintain your trust.
I have one suggestion, listen to this song by the Smashing Pumpkins again, called "Today". I don't know if you like them or not... but listen to the lyrics. In an interview, Billy Corgan was asked about the lyrics to the song and asked why he he wrote "the greatest day". He told the interviewer that he had a abusive childhood and he went through a period of time where he wanted to commit suicide. His parents divorced and neither wanted him and I believe he moved in with a neighbor (I don't remember the exact story -- but something to that effect). It was very tragic. Those repressed feelings came out when he wrote that song many years later -- and he said that he believed that day he wanted to kill himself was the greatest day that he's even known. Because he finally realized that that day was the darkest day of his life; and every day thereafter can only be better.
My friend -- it can only get better ...
__________________
"Talent imitates Perfection
Genius steals Originality."
- T. S. Elliot
I listened to that song Johnnyapples, I have heard it many times and its a great one and thanks for listening/advice.
I so badly wanna talk to this guy again and tell him the truth about her and the lies she tells him but I'm sure she will just tell him more and why would he believe me.....just hope he doesn't get screwed up by her too. Though I would love to kick his ass if I see him but since he really doesn't know the truth then its kinda stupid for me to do that. For some reason I just have this need to screw up her relationship with him since she screwed me up to be with this guy.....just seems like I owe that to her.
Numb,
Sounds like you told this guy what he needed to know in the first phone call, and its his own fault if he keeps her around. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband a few years ago except the rolls were reversed.
He was a bullrider and he would go to bullridings on the weekends away from home with his girlfriend, while I was at home working and trying to pay the bills.
TRUST ME, it gets better, TRUST ME, sucks like Hell at first, but gets better over time.
Please don't put yourself through hell, thinking of what they were doing together, it only makes you feel worse.
You sound like a caring guy from your post, and keep telling yourself that. And keep telling yourself her loss, and she doesn't deserve you, and they will be someone out there who will e a much better girlfriend to you than what you thought she was.
I agree with sundrop... you know you are much better off without her. And keep on telling yourself that you deserve 10 times better than how she treated you. If you want (this is, of course, your call), you can do the Stuart Smally thing (the SNL skit) and look yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, "I'm smart enough ... I'm .... and gosh darnit, people like me". LOL In all seriousness, its time to have some personal space, gather your strength and confidence and get yourself ready for a much better relationship.
Sorry to hear about this and hope you will feel better soon. It is a god thing all this came out now rather than you staying with her and finding out about this down the line.
People can sure do some seriously messed up and coldhearted things...
I agree with what everyone is saying. They've pretty much got it nailed, so I won't beat you over the head with it. It gets better. Period.
But you really should go to the free clinic and get yourself tested for STDs if you're worried about that. If she can cheat with him for so long without you knowing it, she could easily have gotten something for someone and given to you. Protect yourself. Most STDs are treatable if caught early. Serious consequences (infertility, etc.) can happen if you ignore it. Its better to know.
I know time will heal all, but as of right NOW its freaking kicking my butt. I just get so dam mad that someone could do this to someone they love, thats the part that just kills me inside.
Dam, I almost forgot when I get to go back to work Monday with her its also her birthday dam its just getting worse.
I need some advice should I say happy birthday or just act like its just another day.....keep in mind I DO NOT want her back but would like to make her not so happy if you get my drift.
Quote:
Originally posted by Weird It is a god thing all this came out now rather than you staying with her and finding out about this down the line.
Sounds kinda silly but 3 years is down the line, any longer than that I wouldn't think it would matter anymore.
Last edited by Numb; 3rd February 2005 at 3:55 AM..
DON'T DO ANYTHING. Act like yourself. Continue doing what you are doing. If that wretched b* even has the balls to say something like, "Did you know its my birthday", you can just be cool and collected and respond, "Good." Fake a smile and walk away. Don't show weakness. The fact that you don't show anger or any real emotion in front of her will drive her nuts.
Make some plans now for Monday after work -- something that you will have to leave on time to get to ... and for the rest of the week. Just set up stuff to do with friends, etc. Just go do your thing and don't give her any clue that you are even thinking about it. Be like ICE MAN. Best scenario: ask some hottie friend of yours (that she doens't know) to come into work just as you are getting off your shift and have her "pick you up" to go somewhere.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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