engaged and then not engaged in 10 days

3rdone · 31st January 2005, 12:24 PM

well this is kind of long so I will try to keep it short. I have been seeing a girl off and on for about 3 1/2 yrs. We recently got engaged and everything seemed fine. Then all of a sudden she started to act funny and distant. Then she started lying to me and then ultimately said she didn't have the same feelings for me anymore... in the form of a letter! She couldn't even tell me to my face. The letter also had a Ps. " I go to school at 2pm and I work tonight. You can call me before 1:30 or on Sat if you need time"...what the hell is that. And up to the day she decided to break it off she was going around showing everyone the ring? She said that her feelings have change and that I should not try to change her mind because it will only make it harder for both of us.

Needless to say everyone thinks I should not call her and that she will call me. It was so hard not to call her this wknd. She didn't attempt to call me either, and now I am worried if I am doing the right thing. For whatever reason I am not convinced she doesn't love me... am I wishful thinking. The letter was rather harsh in terms of how she felt. I still love her and want her back. But she said her feelings for me have changed and that it isn't working for her. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loco · 31st January 2005, 1:03 PM

Oh man thats real tough, something like this happened to me too,

we got engaged, were engaged for a while, showing off her ring, had a bit of blues, but i would always see her we got through it, then she stopped calling me as much as she used to, then she would say she went out with her friends and met guys and i would get concerned n she saw i dont like this.

i would say it doesnt make me feel good that ur talking to guys u just met.

she started exchanging numbers with anyone she found good looking and broke up with me, ended it with a big fight and said she doesnt love me anymore, i still love her and have not called her since the fight. she didnt call me either and i dont know how to save it

3rdone · 31st January 2005, 1:07 PM

Yeah I don't know what to do. she broke it off in a letter!!! I still love her very much. I wasn't the best boyfriend but I was willing to give us this chance. There is a whole story behind this but it is futile to discuss. What do you guys think I should do?

upsetnhurt · 31st January 2005, 8:33 PM

Not so sure why you would still want someone who did this to you. Its understandable that your emotionally devastates and maybe that is a good enough reason. One day you will laugh and thank god you did not follow through with her. In the meantime...if what I said did not give you a reality check....then absolutely no contact from you until she calls and attempts to apologize! If you break and call her it is over completely as she will realize that she can do anything she wants and you will run and beg her to come back...........

Pocky · 31st January 2005, 8:50 PM

Did you get the ring back?

3rdone · 1st February 2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by upsetnhurt
Not so sure why you would still want someone who did this to you. Its understandable that your emotionally devastates and maybe that is a good enough reason. One day you will laugh and thank god you did not follow through with her. In the meantime...if what I said did not give you a reality check....then absolutely no contact from you until she calls and attempts to apologize! If you break and call her it is over completely as she will realize that she can do anything she wants and you will run and beg her to come back...........

I called her yesterday. I said..."I understand, and I am here if you need anything". I kept it short and sweet. My buddy suggested that I all back and get it all out of the way. I called back and said..." I forget to mention that I need to at some point to get my cell back and what not, when you figure out how you want to do this call me back."

That I think, through it her way. She initiated the break up and I am not fighting, I am confirming and accepting. Most of the people I have talked to said that if she really wanted it over, then all she has to do is call back and say I will leave it here or there or whatever...she hasn't called back. What do you guys think? I think she is stalling for whatever reason. Oh and by the way I got the ring back the morning she broke up with me. I left that morning for work and took the ring because she was acting so wierd the day before. I wanted to she if she noticed it was gone...and she did. However if she was having second thoughts this may have pushed her the other way. ANY RESPONSES?

ReluctantRomeo · 1st February 2005, 10:44 AM

Sounds like an attack of commitmentphobia to me, I'm afraid.

- Check out this thread for my sad story and lots of helpful comments from others... she was initiating marriage plans and everything. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56007

- get the book "he's scared, she's scared". It's really insightful.

- initiate No Contact for a bit. The only way to maintain your dignity and sanity, as well as being the way with the highest probability of getting her back. No guarantees though.

I really feel for you. This kind of thing sucks!