[becky]

My boyfriend of 9 and a half years broke up with me in October. Shortly after, he started seeing someone else. I was devastated. However, he frequently called and we talked about the things that went wrong in the relationship, and we still had sex about once a week (while he was still seeing the OW). I grew very fustrated with this and initiated no contact.

At the first of the year, he started calling almost every day. He claimed that he still loved me and that he was going to tell the OW it was over.

He finally left her a week and a half ago, and has spent weekends and almost every night at my house or me at his house. He continues to call me at work throughout the day to see if I made it to work ok. (we have had some severe weather). The night before last my watersoftener ran out of salt, and he showed up last night and filled it up. My car has been giving me problems also, and today he called to tell me that he ordered some parts for it and would fix it the following day.

The problem is that even though he is back to taking care of my needs (he always did), and the sex is great (it always was)...I don't feel like he is emotionally there yet.

We have spent some time together for the last week and a half and he hardly looks at me and seems very distant. We vowed that if we got back together that we would get married and move into his house. He told me last night that he wasn't ready yet, and that he was afraid that things would go back to the way they were and go stale again.

He also hasn't mentioned that he loves me since we have been trying to work things out. I know that men show affection in different ways (like doing things for you), but this total lack of touching, and kissing (besides when we are having sex) is getting to me.

I tell myself to take it day by day and give him time to realize that I have learned from all of this and will do all in my power to make sure that he stays happy. But I'm so scared that he is trying to make this work, but just isn't feeling it like he should and will eventually leave me again.

Any thoughts? Advice?

Thanks.

[crisp]

I don't know what to say. Once it's over, things are never the same. But you have to figure this out on your own. 9 years is also a lot of routine. A lot of history... hard to let it go just like that.

Have faith and be true to yourself.

I know your pain, I have been in the same situation.....It is hard to get back to normal, after 9 years, he should want to marry you and be with you forever, not leave you....I think you need to move on....He will string you along forever or until someone else comes along..

GOOD LUCK!