Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I don't consider myself to be one of those girls with little self-confidence, or low self-esteem. I'm a college grad, I'm applying to med school, I have a wonderful family, great friends, I'm attractive (I'm SO not an ego-maniac, I promise!!)....so, why is it that I took back my cheating bf???
It happened about a year and a half ago. (The cheating.) I dumped him when I found out, but he convinced me to take him back. A lot of the trust has been regained...obviously not all of it...but I don't know why I didn't kick him to the curb and move on. He has inconsiderate tendencies...I have to ask him a question 3 times before he'll hear it...he'll get on his cell phone all the time...just stuff that makes me really unhappy and unsatisfied.
When I see all THAT stuff, combined with his cheating...I kick myself for being so stupid. I don't know what makes me stay with him. Is it cause the nice stuff he sometimes does gives me hope? Am I scared? Do I not truly believe I can do better? Ahhhhh!
I want to break it off...I'm just not strong enough. How did anyone else do it?
Read your own post. You said it out loud already. You are unsatisfied. Why worry about him, do everything for you, right now anyway. If he really wants you, you will then be sure.
Never sell yourself short, and don't settle.
You deserve to know where you stand, and this is a dating theory, everyone wants what they can't have.
You are either taking the easy path, or you don't think you matter.
On the other hand you said he pursued you and won you back. WHY?
Once you loose trust though, it's real hard to build on that. I wouldn't even consider working on a questionable relationship unless I had a REAL reason to believe that I would never have to think about again, and then I wouldnt think about again.
It's not easy to call it quits on someone you have been with for a long time and care about deeply. But if you're scared of being unhappy without him, just remember that you are probably more unhappy with him.
Location: sitting up and driving the Pats band wagon
Posts: 76
Why'd you take him back if you couldn't get over his cheating? I don't believe he talked you into it cause you are an independent on your way to med school, you can obviously make your own choices...But if you are going to lump his inconsiderate things in with his cheating, you have hurt you haven't dealt with. That's not only unfair to you(cause you'll never get the happiness you want) but also to him (cause he isn't getting a fair second chance). Figure it out, you in (deal with your feelings about the cheating) or out? That's life in the nutshell...I just don't understand all the stuff about people forcing/talking others into it. Are there really that many loaded handguns out there?
...I have to ask him a question 3 times before he'll hear it...
My ex did this, and it's the nastiest habit. Guaranteed to make you feel like a nag just for trying to have a conversation. In time, you'll learn just not to talk to him, to avoid the implied punishment. After 2-10 years of this, you will no longer feel any desire to talk to him - or touch him - or be in the same room with him - etc.
ANY breakup, no matter how desirable and necessary, will cause pain. That is a NORMAL part of human psychology - we bond to our SO/partner, even if he/she is a major twit. Dopamine and oxytocin flow, and you WILL experience pain when you separate yourself from him (which you should do ASAP, BTW). As a premed, I am sure you can research this.
Also please check out what creates and sustains romantic love by visiting www.marriagebuilders.com. You will see that what you have with this fellow does NOT qualify. You are WAY too young to settle. Do be aware that after you separate yourself from him, he is likely to put a major move on getting you back. If so, ignore it.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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