I have been dating this guy for a year and a half now, and we still have not said the L word. We were both in long relationships before and know what love feels like, but we still haven't crossed that line. We are both exclusive and have a fabulous time together. We have had some arguments, but always have communicated well and overcome the basic relationship dilemmas that most people run into. I have asked "why don't you think we've fallen in love yet" (this was about 6 months ago) and he said something along the lines of he doesn't want to allow himself to do that at this point in his life.

to me, love doesn't mean oh yes we have to gert maried right NOW, its just like the natural progression of a great relationship. I personally don't even know if I love him or not, and that is the scary part! On the other hand, I cannot imagine not having him as my boyfriend because we laugh nonstop and click so well.

Here is the issue that brings me to writing this post - he is mentioning that he wants to take a vacation completely on his own to be pampered,etc. My natural reaction is hurt that he doesn't want me to join him. At the same time, he said that he has wanted to do this for years now but has never had the chance. I have a slight phobia because in my last relationship, everything was perfect until my ex boyfriend went to spring break with his friends and then wanted to break up. I just can't understand why my current boyfriend wants to go alone. For the record, I am not one of those suffocating types and its not like he needs a break from me.. we went to las vegas together and had a great time. Am i overreacting? Or is it really strange that he wants to do this? Need advice

[Adunaphel]

Before starting to worry try to find out what kind of vacation he's looking for.

Is he planning to go to some place like las Vegas, in a seaside resort place, or anywhere where a lot of people gather and you get to know people?
(Some people start holidays "on their own" only because they are planning to get to know a lot of people and to make new friends in the holiday location)

Or would he like to go fishing/hiking/camping/visiting places on his own?

I'd say that if it's only being on his own that he's interested in you don't have to worry.

If he's planning to go somewhere where there are a lot of chances to get to know people of the opposite sex, to flirt, and to "have fun"...well, I'd be bothered.

You stated you weren't even sure if you loved him or not and that he hasn't said the "L" word either. I know you all enjoy spending time together but sounds more like a real close friendship to me. I would just ask him what kind of vacation this is hes wanting to go on. You could even mention why is he wanting to go alone and see what his reaction is. Good luck.

[morrigan]

It sounds like there are uncertainties in your relationship that were there before the vacation plans popped up.

As far as the vacation, either of you can go on a trip anytime you want to. If you are worried about him cheating, it's as easy for a person to cheat in their own neighborhood as to go off somewhere else and do it. If you don't like what his travel plans entail, tell him and start rethinking the relationship.

[CurlyIam]

What's your age? In your 20's I guess.

If you don't live together, are not together for a loooon long time and he's not working under the utmost horrible pressure, I think there may be a problem with this vacation alone.

I don't see my bf all that much and we don't live together. My parents are in another state and you can bet I want some time alone wth them and with the friends I didn't see for 4 months. Yet we spent the vacation together and had a great time. I didn't get to meet half of my old friends or talk to my family as I would have liked, but then, life is full of compromises.


I'd take "vacation alone" very badly. A week end, I understand. A few days.. maybe. But one whole vacation???? Like the next vacation is gonna be next year? What are you gonna do during you vacation?


It depends on each relationship, but I'd have a hard time also accepting this. Not because he'd cheat. But because I'd take it as a rejection. It is a form of rejection. That plus no "L" word... put your foot on the ground once and for all and see where you stand. You'll feel better afterwards .

This happened to me once. We were at the one and a half year point in our relationship. I was sad over the loss of a friend, mr ex decides to go to Cuba, meets a Cuban woman, returns. She starts writing him and he and dumps me. Years later, I'm no longer depressed and we're back in touch. Apparently the Cuban woman was actually married to a pastor. Later the pastor wrote to see if my ex could sponsor her out of Cuba. I think it is risky meeting someone when on vacation. The experience really wasn't good for my ex and it blew my trust in him. I know he regrets it. Maybe you could try telling your friend this anecdote.