[jangle04]

Well my wife and I have been separated for about two months now. I have posted here before if anyone wants to read up. I am just now beginning to recover and have been focusing on myself and my kids. I have been staying very busy trying to keep my mind off of the hell she put me through. She left me for a guy she works with and played me for a fool. I suspected things for a while.

The problem is that she still calls me and tells me she made a mistake and that's she's sorry. She says she didn't realize what she had until it is gone. She says her life is a living hell now. I've been to hell and back and am slowly getting over her. She just confuses me. I don't know if she is hinting at wanting to get back or what. She still works with the guy and I don't know where their relationship stands right now. She doesn't seem happy though. I am very lonely now but am in no hurry to get involved with someone else.

I guess my question is I don't know if it would be worth it to try again or if I could ever get past it. I realize I am better off without her after what she did to me but I do miss the times we had. Is this just because I am lonely and want someone or because I still love her. Can it work out again? I'm very confused. She gutted my heart and betrayed me but for some reason I still want to be with her.

[Ladyjane14]

Originally posted by jangle04...
His wife has come back into the picture. She called me this morning crying. I don't know what the hell to do! In the back of my mind I want to forgive and forget but can't. There's too much damage. She keeps making her hole bigger too. She said I can't stand the thought of losing you both. She seems more upset at the thought of losing him than she was me. I can't stand it. She's messing with my head. I'm not a safety net. I just don't know what to do in this situation. I know I need time and she said she's not asking for me back because she knows it could never be the same. She was just telling me she's sorry, she messed up and nobody could ever love her like me.

She dug this hole. Not you. It's incumbent upon her to make the necessary changes. If you need time, take all the time you need. She can just cool her heels. If she doesn't like it, she can move on down the road. Your obligation as a husband stopped when she changed the parameters of the relationship.

Check out MarriageBuilders if you're considering giving her another chance. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...000_intro.html It really is possible for a marriage to survive infidelity, but it involves mutual dedication and hard work.

It's important that she EARN her way back. If not you'll always feel like a default plan, and you'll have difficulty putting the resentment behind you.

If she's pushing you too hard, try limiting your contact with her. You can explain to her that you consider the crying and outbursts to be emotional blackmail, and you will not participate in such exchanges.

It's time to see what she can do. If she can't abide by the requirements that you set forth, it'll be a good indicator that she's still not ready to prioritize your needs.

Hang in there, and be good to yourself and your kids.