I've been curious about this question since the thread yesterday asking the debt V. affair question. So, here we, go:
How much did your affair, or your spouses's affair, cost you in monetary terms? This would include hotels, travel, phone calls, gifts, medical costs for any diseases incurred, lost labour and whatever else you can think of.
I want to get a sense of this before I could answer the other thread.
Not much. It was all on his dollar. A few gifts here and there. Gasoline, big whoop. I still think I'd rather be broke financially then broken emotionally.
i'm an ex OW but i think i can answer. the financial cost was minimal for him. we would meet when one of us would be in the other's city for business so there were no hotel or travel costs. phone bills were covered by minute allotments and no extra charge. i believe his company, because of his type of work, even covered the basic phone charges. he bought me two pairs of nice (but i don't think ridiculously expensive) earrings. we had a two meals together and i'm not sure of the cost of those, but i don't eat much!
so finanacially not much at all but as tiki said, it's the emotional costs for all involved that are high!
LOL...well....her affair did end up costing us some out of pocket...mostly because I was a fool and tried to do the honorable thing.
He'd bought her plane tickets to fly to the city where he lives when I confronted her about the affair. He's got a crappy job, and of course pays child support from his previous failed marriage. When she DIDN'T get on the plane, he was out the @$400 of those plane tickets...which would have meant that he couldn't have paid for his kid's birthday that was the following week, and would have put him in a serious bind.
She begged me to help him out so that his KIDS didn't suffer. I scrounged up enough to cover that, and let her send the money to him that following week. Again...I was a fool...but the only reason I did it was because I felt that the kids shouldn't have to suffer just because their dad was a sorry SOB. That..and I knew that by being the "bigger man" and doing this, it would help her see what kind of person I was.
I know that my work productivity suffered for quite a while after this while I was trying to deal with all of this...but couldn't possibly put a dollar amount on that.
All of that still pales compared to the emotional damage the whole affair caused. I'd gladly have paid 10 times all of that to have avoided all of that pain...for all of us involved.
__________________
"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
Welcome to VEGAS BABY! " --Tomcat33, May 21, 2008
"Just don't cry when the odds beat YOU" Owl, Sep 08
Originally posted by Mustard Bomb
How much did your affair, or your spouses's affair, cost you in monetary terms? This would include hotels, travel, phone calls, gifts, medical costs for any diseases incurred, lost labour and whatever else you can think of.
Quote:
Originally posted by Mustard Bomb
How much did your affair, or your spouses's affair, cost you in monetary terms? This would include hotels, travel, phone calls, gifts, medical costs for any diseases incurred, lost labour and whatever else you can think of.
About $700-800.
__________________
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
__________________
Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
I'm really not that nice of a guy. In truth, my first thought when I found out what all was going on was to pay the OM a nice quiet visit...and gift him with a couple of 7.62mm presents from about 100meters out. My second thought was to just make a phone call and have his body turn up in a ditch someplace while I was clearly sitting somewhere in public with a great alibi. My life before I came to where I am at now prepared me well for anything like that...and I very well could have and would have gotten away with it. Somedays I'm still not sure why I didn't.
Funnily enough...my wife called him and warned him of both those possibilities as soon as she knew that I had found out about the affair.
Don't think that I think I'm some kind of saint or something...I'm not. The only thing I DO try to do is to see things from everyone's perspective. I try to do that here too...which is why I hate it when someone thinks I'm bashing them. At any rate...all I actually did at the time was what seemed the right thing to do.
Needless to say, I've had the same thoughts (can't claim to have the "preparedness" you have, but anyway...). One great way to think about it is that our WWs' OMs are alive right now because we, in our mercy and wisdom, have ALLOWED THEM TO LIVE. Every day that they spend breathing from this day forth is a gift -- and one that they don't deserve. And yet we give it, knowing that we'll never get thanks for it.
__________________
See the bird with the leaf in her mouth
After the flood, all the colours came out.
-- U2
It's not a gift...I would have become a lesser person by giving in and doing it. I'm sure that all of us had the same thoughts when the affair came out...guess mine were just a lot more specific and goal oriented than most...again, a product of my past I guess.
Just shows you how strong the feelings were at the time thought, I guess. And I'm sorry I posted it here...I shouldn't have said that in this thread.
But I wanted to show that I'm not really all that altruistic when it comes down to it...I felt just like anyone else would have in the same circumstances. The only thing that kept me from being totally stupid was to stop and put myself in my wife's shoes...and even in the OM's shoes at one point too. He wasn't an evil person...a rat-bastage in a lot of ways, but he truly didn't have any ill-will in what he did...he just saw the same thing I did in my wife, and wanted it for himself.
Originally posted by Mustard Bomb
I've been curious about this question since the thread yesterday asking the debt V. affair question. So, here we, go:
How much did your affair, or your spouses's affair, cost you in monetary terms? This would include hotels, travel, phone calls, gifts, medical costs for any diseases incurred, lost labour and whatever else you can think of.
I want to get a sense of this before I could answer the other thread.
Ok tell us the truth, are you planning on having an affair and that's why you want to know??? I'm kidding don't get too defensive!!!
No, no, not at all. I just have that kind of mind, I think. But I'm abashed by, and have learned from, this thread, actually. So, Owl, I'm really glad you posted as you did. It was the wrong question for me to ask.
I am not positive on the amount H spent on the OW during the A but I know she spent more money on him than he spent on her. I found a couple CC reciepts from rest. that they went to go eat at. He took her and her dd out to eat once that I know of. She rented a room to get away from her own H but he said he didn't pay for it. He put gas in her car when they took a little trip w/ her kids out of state. I think she paid for the motel expenses b/c she invited him to go along w/ her kids. He took her and her kids out to eat.
She, on the otherhand, bought him a nice watch from a jewlery store that he gave back to her. She also bought him two very nice shirts from an expensive clothing store.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
You are an amazing man.
Linear Mode
