[Marge]

Dear all:

Does anyone have any experience with mid-life crisis men.
This one is ill- may be dying. He is married.

He wants to play the field. He hasnt done that in 5 years.
Could it be that he just wants to see if he still has it in him to score a chick?

Do I sit and wait nearby, being a friend to see how his life plays out?

He said he wants to call me in a few months and have lunch- that he likes that and that makes him happy. I guess that would give him time to screw around.

Should I just put my foot down and tell him to knock it off.

I want a relationship and he doesnt.

He is going to break up with me this Friday. He wants me to do it, but if I dont he will.

Thanks.

Marge

[Mr Spock]

How do you schedule a break up?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Marge
Should I just put my foot down and tell him to knock it off.

You should put your foot down and tell yourself to knock it off.

I've read some terrible things on this forum in terms of how people can treat one another and your story takes the cake. This guy is completely and utterly unconcerned for you or your happiness.

1. He kept you as an 'OW' for five years, with no hope of anything more - basically causing you to lose five years that you could have spent finding/participating in a committed monogamous relationship with a single available man: while he enjoys the benefits of marriage, a home, and security.
2. He decided he was bored with you, so he bumped you down to one day a week, and cuts you off when you try to call him to talk to him.
3. Then proceeded to tell you how he was going to screw other women, and that there was nothing you could do about it.
4. He forced you to take a pregnancy test, and then told you he wouldn't have sex with you anymore because he didn't want to risk getting you pregnant (this after five years of having sex with you).
5. He has excluded you from every part of his life now, except that one day a week.
6. ... which he is in the process of ending that, too.

It sounds like you are hoping to throw yourself at him and he will remember why he went for you in the first place. There is one sad truth here: you are no longer what he wants or needs in an OW, and he is discarding you. You will never again be what he wants or needs in an OW, because your relationship grew past what he needed from it.

To make it work - the guy has to have at least SOME concern for your needs and seeing that they get met. This guy has zero concern for your needs, therefore there is no way that he will ever be what you want or need him to be.

You will need to initiate a NC for your own sanity. If you don't and you continue to push it with this guy, he may turn on you and hit you with a restraining order or have you arrested for stalking him if you begin to make things inconvenient for him. He sounds like a dangerous man to cross.

[HokeyReligions]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/show...317#post382317

Marge, you need to get some help for yourself. You don't seem to recognize that he is a serial cheater -- even when he tells you point-blank! (I referenced your post talking about him telling you he had a date with another woman and you claim its the first time you have experienced cheating. Actually, its the second time since you are cheating with him on his wife)

You have value as a person and yet you continue to devalue yourself by carrying on with this man. There is no shame in getting counseling to help you find self-esteem and self-confidence and pull yourself out of this pattern of destructive behavior.

Do you recognize, or can you identify your own moral code? Think about that in the context of this one-sided imagined 'relationship'.