ok it's been 3 weeks today that ive been broken up with the ex.! I'm still fighting. lastnight i got into deep thought and went through everything that had ever happened. I realized that for the whole year and 6 months we dated we had broken up every 6 months just as now.
the 1st break up we were single for a month
the 2nd break up we were single for 3 months
and now the 3rd 3 weeks and counting............
i have also realized everytime it has end i find him saying to me
" The feeling is gone" "it's changed"
Just saying that the feeling is gone hurts cause it makes me realize how stupid i was to try to fix thing the 1st two times and now a 3rd time i pray to God i don't run into him!!! but my major question is how can one just loose the feeling? the fireworks, butterflies feeling, does that mean he didn't loose the feeling. and that it was just never really there? or can anyone explain how one can loose the feeling???
and how is it possible when the others feeling for the loved one is stronger than ever?!!!
__________________
~"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
~Shot through the heart And you're to blame Baby,You give love a bad name~
*I have an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it...
*
Originally posted by bfaith258
but my major question is how can one just loose the feeling? the fireworks, butterflies feeling, does that mean he didn't loose the feeling. and that it was just never really there? or can anyone explain how one can loose the feeling???
and how is it possible when the others feeling for the loved one is stronger than ever?!!!
I'm sure he was in love with you, and that it was there at one time - but sometimes despite our best efforts and intentions, we can't keep that feeling going. No matter how much someone loves us, sometimes we find ourselves falling hopelessly out of love with them. We fall into love, and we can also fall out of love. Falling out of love is never sudden. It is a slow process - like evaporation or erosion. It happens so slowly and so subtly that you hardly see it happening. The person who falls out of love does it with sadness, regret, and guilt - but does it willingly on some level. A person who falls out of love lets him/herself fall out of love. Your own love, hope and happiness prevent you from seeing the subtle signs, or you'll find many excuses to explain them away. They don't tell you about it when its happening, because they realize the futility of telling you. All you'll do is try to fix the relationship, when in their hearts they don't really want it fixed. So, it goes slowly - until one day, the emotional break happens. The breakup. The strength of the victim's love and obligation might bring them back once - twice, or even many times. But it doesn't take long to realize that its just a temporary jump-start to a love that is dying, if not dead. Eventually the process ends. The person makes the emotional break, and the victim will not see it until its too late. You hear stuff like "he told me he loved me, how can he be so cold all of a sudden?!" - it is never sudden. All you are seeing is the very last part of the long decline that is "falling out of love".
Once its gone, and I mean completely gone - there's no bringing it back. You can ask "why don't you love me anymore" - and you'll have about as much luck as asking a corpse why it died.
Falling out of love is never easy. Its frustrating, sad, guilt-laden, hopeless - and I'm sorry to see you are on the bad end of it.
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
excellent post LucreziaBorgia, i really enjoy your writing style
Quote:
Once its gone, and I mean completely gone - there's no bringing it back. You can ask "why don't you love me anymore" - and you'll have about as much luck as asking a corpse why it died.
what happens if it only 75% gone or 50% gone? can it ever be 100% again? anyone ever felt like this? anyone ever done this to somebody or received it?
what if someone says "my love for you feels different now but i'd love to get it back to the way it was?"
Surely you can fall into and out of love with someone....
But falling in love is a process and is not in fact true love. There is a difference and if it were true love the falling out of love wouldn't happen. True love would sustain the relationship even if it ends up failing because of infidelity or one person makes a decision to move on for the betterment of themselves, the love will always be there. Getting from the feeling of falling in love to true love is the deciding factor of whether or not you can get the person back or if they will truly come back and it will work. Love is not a feeling but ultimately a commitment.
So...... one is saying that me and my ex was not or were not true loves? if not then y do we always .... or y have we always in the past gotten back together? I'm sorry but i still just do not understand! i guess its all just may situation huh?
My ex did say he wishes things were the same as when we 1st meet.
Can anyone or has anyone ever gotten the feeling back after it was gone?!
or if anyone knows if my ex will ever feel anything for me again?
True love would sustain the relationship even if it ends up failing because of infidelity or one person makes a decision to move on for the betterment of themselves, the love will always be there
is a person who makes a decision to move on for the betterment of themselves as much out of love as somebody leaves because of the malpractice of infidelity?
maybe stupid question but yes i reckon there is no difference here
i think my girlfriend gave up as i don't make as much money as her ( for now anyway ) and she thought maybe i never ever would!
BrainRightHeartWrong,
thanks but yet i'm still sorry i'm lost. I think i'm just thinking that me and my ex are true lovers, and that we will end up back together. Just because we have done it before. i don't understand and don't know why the feeling goes away!
another question i guess is if your ex looses or lost the feeling.... will i soon?
My girlfriend I think left, because this guy makes more than me and has anice house. That's ok just motivates me more to improve myself in every possible way. I will use it as motivation and when I no longer care about what she thinks or feels about my life and situation I will be that much better off and find a new girlfriend that appreciates me. It sucks but oh well, what can you do?
I wasn't saying that you weren't true loves for one another. I just said that it can be worked out if in fact that is the case. If not you won't be able to make it work no matter how many times you get back together or miss each other. It has to be deep enough that it is true love. I have no way of knowing your relationship so it is up to you to decipher it for what it is and act accordingly.
Regrding you losing the feeling of love for him since he "says" he lost the feeling of love for you, it depends on what the feeling is rooted in or where it comes from. You could be needy or afraid of being abandonned or alone. I have no idea as to what you feel and what it is rooted in. Once again that is something for you to reflect upon and answer that yourself.
Last edited by imokurnot; 12th January 2005 at 10:38 PM..
The question of being out of love if they move on for either the infidelity or for betterment of themselves .....It all depends on what they left for and how strong their convictions are. If someone was unfaithful and the person that left them fell out of love after a period of grieving I would say they made a conscious decision that they deserved better and that the person they thought they were in love with wasn't the person they thought he/she was. So they could be easily out of love for good. They could also be willing to forgive because theydo love that person. The person that leaves for betterment of ones self could be for any number of reaosns and the more selfish the reason the more they will never be out of love with the one they left. Like you say, if she left for money or the expectancy that you won't ever amount to anything, then she isn't out of love with you at all. If she was in true love with you she will be back. If not she is shallow and forget her anyway.
BrainRightHeartWrong & imokurnot,
Thanks for all the helpful extra advice. i guess i'm sorta getting it now. " THERE IS NO LOVE WITH OUT THE BELIEF AND COMMITMENT TO TRY TO LOVE"
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The Feeling?????
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