[chica]

My friend S, who I have known for 17 years, doesn't contact me anymore. We have never had any real disagreements or problems and have always felt close and comfortable together despite having different social circles and living in different areas. We had respect for each other, though quite different people and could always talk about anything, however personal.

Over the 18 months or so, she doesn't call at all, and hasn't responded to a few messages I have left or the birthday card I sent her (I couldn't make it to her party).

We have always had an understanding that periods of less contact are not a reflection of our degree of care for one another or the importance of our friendship, but it has felt like so long now that I find it hard to feel that is the case anymore.

I rang her a while after I sent the card to say hi and try to catch up and she said sorry she hadn't rung but she has been busy organising finance for her new car. I was surprised about that but didn't pass judgement of any kind and just thought she'd call me when it was all done and she had some time. But she never did

I love her very much and don't want the friendship and all the history we share to dissolve in this way. I can grow to accept it if she doesn't feel as though there is a strong friendship there anymore, but I would rather have a discussion about it and be open than have the relationship disappear so unceremoniously.

[color=indigo]Has anyone else tackled a situation like this?
Was it resolved or how did it pan out?
Any suggestions?[/color]

When I had a friendship that felt past its' use-by date, I was upfront with the person, because I believed that what we had shared deserved that honesty. But I do understand that people deal with things differently and may not be able to say things like that for fear of hurting the other person.

[color=orange]thanks for your thoughts[/color]

[kypepeo]

I know how important close friends are and the pain of losing them. I have a very close friend whom I haven't talked to in a year because I was too proud to tell him how much it hurt me that he replied my e-mail sporadically and it made me feel like he didn't want to be friends anymore. Looking back, I realise now that his friendship is more important than my pride and good firends like that are hard to come by. It's a huge loss to me and the advice that I would give you is that you should tell your friend exactly how you feel. Own up to your contribution (if any ) to this drift and tell him/her how much your friendship means to you. It's too important to let go of and too delicate to sit back and don nothing about the situation.Hope that helps.

[SuperFantastico]

Sometimes people just drift away. Thats life. Its sad when it happens, but
it doesnt mean you wont see each other in the future. Because you lost one
best friend, dosnt mean and shouldnt mean, you wont have 10 more later on in
life.

It sucks more because they are the one breaking contact with you. Perhaps
getting some after hours hobbies(language courses, personal interest)
stuff would be a good way to fill the void they left. Plus you would meet
alot of cool and intersting people, who would be interesting in the same stuff.

[chica]

She sent me a message saying happy new year and that she was going up north on holidays till the end of the month and wants to catch up when she gets back.

So again.... I'll wait and see.
That's the worst part - having a fear that the friendhsip is not substantial enough anymore but that it's being stretched out and I keep that hope in my heart.

Thanks for your advice and replies.

kypepeo:
I DO want to tell her exactly how I feel now - the problem is that I don't see her! I'll try again when she gets back from her holiday and be totally honest.
Is it not too late to try and salvage the friendship you talked about? Maybe he would be happy to hear from you.

SuperFantastico: I know you're right and that sometimes people just drift away - I hope this isn't the case this time
As for filling the gaps - I have a very busy life and we didn't hang out together constantly anyway - just when we could squeeze it in. I think it's the history and long-time understanding of one another that makes up the foundation, so I hope this is still enough. Have you had many experiences where time has caused a separation like this?

thanks again - maybe I'm more optimistic than I should be.... but I can't devalue what I have shared with someone I care about so much..

[CurlyIam]

If she's that important to you, make more time for her. I don't know if you live in the same city as she does, but if you do... it's a really pitty to let it go.

If you don't, than you can write her a nice email telling her you miss her a lot, and that you hope that this year shwll bring you closer together. Like a resolution.

Good people are so hard to come by. And I don't think you can really replace them. Not really. Don't let this fade.

Cheers,

Twinkle