[utopia]

I hope I am posting in the right forum, I really could use a little advice . . .

About a year ago I discovered my wife was having an affair. It was a deep, emotional affair that had lasted for about 6 months when I found out. When confronted, my wife said she loved me but wasn't in love with me. That we were best friends and she loved me like family, but not like passionately like she did this guy.

We went quickly to counseling . . . she continued contact with the guy . . . we moved away to start over . . . she continued contact with the guy (on the phone). All in all this went on for about 8 months. Ever since I found out about it, she often treats me coldly, like she is always mad.

The problem is, she refuses to make a DECISION on what she wants to do, stay in the marriage or leave the marriage. The guy she was seeing is gone as of last month, she knew continuing to see him was wrong, so she made sure that they could no longer contact each other once she made the decision to stop talking to him. The details are strange, but lets just say there is no way she could talk to this guy again without some incredible twist of fate.

So now this guy is gone and out of the picture, she wants to maybe work things out. The problem is I gave up while we were out of town and left to go back home. Now we live several states from each other. She still says she wants to try and work things out, but she goes out with groups of guys all of the time, and I feel like she is just wanting me to wait on the back burner while she has fun out of town, and then when she gets back maybe she will want to try and work things out, maybe she won't . Oh, and she may not be back ever, she may be back in a year, she may be back in six months . . .

A few more details, so they don't come up as questions . . . yes I still love her, no we did not have kids, and the reason I have not filed for divorce is because I think she should do that since she is the one that has turned her back on the marriage, I was not a perfect husband but I certainly never did anything like this!

Ok, I've decided that this is all too much, and even though I love her dearly I don't want to just sit here while she essentially runs around dating all these guys and figures out if she wants to be married. I'm willing to talk to her (she calls me like every day) and maybe even attempt to work things out when she returns. I don't feel like I should be sitting here waiting though, we were married only a year or so before she started having an affair, and the last year it has been like we aren't even married. I want to date some other women because my wife is really the only person I ever dated.

So, if you can imagine, I haven't dated since high school, and now I am supposed to go date now.

Given the above background, here are the questions:
1.) Is it right for me to date when I am still legally married, even though we live thousands of miles away?
2.) At what point do I tell my date that I am seperated, it seems like it scares them away if you are totally up front about it?
3.) What are some differences in dating as mid twenty somethings vs. high school?