Ok, 10 yrs ago when I was 18 I dated a 15 yr old, but dumped him when I met my husband who was older than me and met the sexual needs I longed for. Well Through the years of being married, I always thought of the guy I left behind, I wondered about him. My marriage began to disolve, the sex life sucked I just felt very unattractive to my husband and he was treating me like crap, so I called it off, we split up. We had children together by this time. So I go looking for my old boyfriend (the 15 yr old who is now 25) the one I always wondered about. To my surprise he is married and has a son but we start emailing and Im-ing eachother. Throught out this time he never mentions any problems between him and his wife, then suddenly, About two weeks into the contact he tells me that he is breaking it off with his wife. So I don't care right. Well we start to date. We date for 9 months! His wife keeps asking him back and asking him back. He acts like a jerk to her, tells her mean things, says he doesn't want to be w/her. So we have fun, go on trips, hang out. At one point he feels bad and decides to go back to his wife but then he never actually does it. This whole time he is in the service so he lives in San Diego. So he lives about 400 miles from her and me. Well he decides to keep dating me. Well I end up pregnant. I decided to keep my baby. He gets mad, he doesn't want it, he starts acting like an *******, I see this whole other jerk side I never knew existed. He stops calling me while he is in SD. He just sees me on the weekends when he comes to town, but soon he decides to go back to his wife. i was already 3 mos pregnant by this time. What could I do. I let go of him.
So now he is w/ his wife. He is out of the service. He lives w/ her. My husband wants me back. He knows the guy don't really want the baby so he tells me all the time he will raise the baby. Now the babies father says he wants a paternity test and joint custody. Now my husband wants him to have nothing to do with the baby. I am confused......I still care about the guy, he is the father. I never give him drama because he decided to go back to his wife. they already have a son together. I wish him the best. I just feel the babies dad doesn't really care, he didn't want the baby in the first place, that is partly why he dumped me.
sounds like this guy from 2 years ago is unstable with his feelings towards women, and doesnt know wot he wants. It sounds like u need to get this guy out of ur life completely. Even though u do have a child with him, he left u and went back to his wife when u got pregnant. How do u know that he will be completely commited to ur baby. Also, u have a husband that sounds like he loves u, and if he is willing to look after the baby u had with this other guy, it sounds like uve got a good man there.
That is why you NEVER go off with a MM. It will always end up like this. He just wanted you for sex. Have you ever talked his wife? Are you sure he ever ended it with her to begin with? You can't trust anything he says. He just wanted you for sex. As a conquest, something to stroke his ego with.
If he was treating his wife that way, saying mean things, don't you think that was a red flag for you? That he could do this to you someday?
Stop focusing on thie OM. Give him the DNA test if he requests it, hopefully it's not his. Your husband seems to be wanting to work things out, you need to get your priorities straight.
You got what you wanted, you wanted this man knowing he was married. You think it was concidence that he "broke" it off with her two weeks after emailing you?
Married men are married for a reason, it's because they want to be with their wives. In all the reading I've done on here and other places over the past couple of years, I have not found ONE situation where a relationship with a MM is successful. Doing that is just cheating yourself out of alot of true love and time.
Personally, I think your husband should tell you off. He's the only one that sounds to me as if he's got his head on straight.
I think you should find your own place to live, get a job and raise the kid on your own. It was your selfish act that created this mess. Your husband deserves better. Just because you were getting bored sexually, you had a plain disregard for what your marriage should stand for, went out and got laid, now you have a souvenior.
Grow up. That's the best advice anyone can give you.
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"The conscience water saw it's maker, and blushed" - Water to Wine......
What do you do now? When a woman has a baby that's not wanted by the man, usually when he threatens custody it's to scare you off enough not to ask for child support.
Originally posted by Mr Spock
Hey now Moose-she LEFT her husband. It happens.
What do you do now? When a woman has a baby that's not wanted by the man, usually when he threatens custody it's to scare you off enough not to ask for child support.
Figure out what you want to do. Then do it.
True but I agree with Moose. In general the ex-husband is an idiot to get involved, especially if he takes on the kid as his own. Who is to say that she doesnt get bored again and then he's on the hook for a child thats not his.
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"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal illness"
What do you do now? When a woman has a baby that's not wanted by the man, usually when he threatens custody it's to scare you off enough not to ask for child support.
You write a book on the thousand reasons why not to stray outside of your marriage just for a little freaky deaky. Then you don't ask other people what to do because you got yourself into the situation, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Suck it up and realize that the only person responsible for this mess is the person who was thinking only about herself at the time.
Fine. So he's an idiot. It doesn't make her a selfish jerk. She left an unsatisfying relationship-and got knocked up by a loser-that's about all she's done....
Originally posted by Moose
You write a book on the thousand reasons why not to stray outside of your marriage just for a little freaky deaky. Then you don't ask other people what to do because you got yourself into the situation, and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Suck it up and realize that the only person responsible for this mess is the person who was thinking only about herself at the time.
Originally posted by Mr Spock
Fine. So he's an idiot. It doesn't make her a selfish jerk. She left an unsatisfying relationship-and got knocked up by a loser-that's about all she's done....
Yes it does.
I don't expect you to understand. But when you marry someone, you become one flesh. I don't care if the sex tends to be un-eventful, even mondain, you still don't seperate and go out to get laid. That's selfish. That's thinking about your needs before considering the commitment you made with your spouse.
But hey, what's marriage now and days anyway? It's just a piece of paper saying you both own each other's property, and you have the right to visit each other in the hospital.....it's not about a holy covenant anymore. It's not about promises, and vows to stay faithfull, and committed until death do you part. It just means that you have a regular fu@k buddy until you get bored.....then you can move on.
The point where the needs of someone else outweight your own is blurry Moose. She didn't have an affair. She chose to end her relationship and look forward. Understand? Because you and your idea of marriage would have you taking a hammer to your testicles before you'd opt for divorce doesn't make her a bad, or even selfish person. You're not even reading the posts. You're responding to something different entirely-the marriage dissolved-they DO that-sex is a big factor I'm certain of it but read what else she posted.
Check into your legal options after you get the DNA tests. I'm not sure from your post whether or not you would need financial support from the second man? If not, have your re-husband adopt the child legally. If so, sue for child support - this is as much his mistake as yours. Good luck with everything - if you are serious about keeping your renewed marriage together, get some counselling and check into sites such as : www.marriagebuilders.com.
What may have confused some posters is that this post is under the title of "Infidelity," though the post itself is not so much about infidelity as relationships post-splitting-up, and their consequences. Maybe ask the moderators to move it, and then hopefully all comments will deal with the content, rather than the title, of your problem.
Ok, 10 yrs ago when I was 18 I dated a 15 yr old, but dumped him when I met my husband who was older than me and met the sexual needs I longed for.
She dumped the, "little", guy and got her one that had a bigger schlong......or at the very least....knew how to use it better than the 15 year old.....
Quote:
My marriage began to disolve, the sex life sucked I just felt very unattractive to my husband and he was treating me like crap, so I called it off, we split up.
The marriage starts to disolve.......why? Because she's now bored with her husband's usual moves....she wants something more now.......again....see a pattern?
Now......the 15 year old....who is now 25, got to have his little, "fling", and got him some pu$$y on the side. BUT.... now he's bored with her. He's been gettin' it for 9 months, found out what she's like, and decides....."nope...not for me, I'm going back to the wife".
Don't ask me why her husband wants her and the kid now......some people just aren't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Now, she comes on LS asking for advice on what she should do.....and I told her. I didn't miss anything.
Originally posted by StrawberryGirl . My husband wants me back. He knows the guy don't really want the baby so he tells me all the time he will raise the baby. Now the babies father says he wants a paternity test and joint custody. Now my husband wants him to have nothing to do with the baby. I am confused......I still care about the guy, he is the father. I never give him drama because he decided to go back to his wife. they already have a son together. I wish him the best. I just feel the babies dad doesn't really care, he didn't want the baby in the first place, that is partly why he dumped me.
Hopefully those who have put their moral opinions here will re-read the post and try not to judge.
What do YOU want? You said you still care for OM, but how do you care for him? Do you love him? Would you begin a relationship with him if you were both single? That may be more difficult an issue in your life than the paternity of your baby.
It doesn't sound like the OM cared about the baby at first, maybe now he does. Maybe his wife is influencing him and his decision.
Before you make a decision to get back with your husband, I strongly urge you to get some counseling to help you figure out the order of importance to you. Then some counseling for you and your husband if you do decide to try to reconcile. Once that is settled and you have moved past one hurdle (making the right decision for you regarding reconciliation) then you can focus on the paternity of the baby and the baby's fathers' rights. The baby is not going anywhere. The OM may be focused on the paternity, but right now you need to focus on you and how and with whom you want to raise this baby. You may, after counseling, decide to not reconcile with your husband - at least not right now. But that decision needs to be made for your own peace of mind. You are bringing your baby with you no matter what path you choose - so choose the path first.
After you are on the path of your choosing, you can have a paternity test done. If he is the father he will have some rights regarding the child. This might get tricky if he sues for custody and you have decided not to reconcile. However, it has been done that a single parent wins custody over a married parent. Talk to an attorney about it.
If you want to attempt a reconciliation with your husband on the sole basis of keeping custody of your child, then you and your husband will really need some outside help to deal with the emotional issues, and he needs to know your reasons going into the reconciliation.
It's a lot to think about when you are already hurting.
Ask yourself:
"Would I try to reconcile with my husband if I didn't have a baby?"
If the answer is Yes - go for it. Then contact an attorney and get the paternity test done. I highly recommend some counseling at this stage too.
If the answer is No - get counseling and be honest with your husband so he can approach the situation in as healthy a manner as possible. He may stand by you as a friend anyway to help you keep custody of your baby in the event the OM sues.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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