My ex from three years ago keeps coming back to me but has a girlfriend

candyfloss · 8th January 2005, 10:30 PM

I went out with this guy for a month. He then decided to tell me he really liked someone else. He told me he really liked me aswell but ended up goin for her instead. I was gutted. I hated the pair of them since the girl tried to become my friend b4 hand. He told me that there would always be a 'special place in his heart for me, and that he cared for me. I chose to dismiss this.

Time had past, and we ended up becoming friends, it was awkward at first but I decided to hold my head up high an forget about it.

A year and a half later, me, my ex and a few other friends got really drunk, and he asked me if he could stay the night with me because he missed me and wanted to be with me, but he was still with this other girl. I turned him down. A month later he came back and as I was more drunk than the last time, I gave in and kissed him. I felt really guilty but the things he was saying made me remember why I went out with him in the first place. I felt so stupid for falling into his little trap again.

Nearly two years have gone past and since then he has stayed with his girlfriend but keeps coming back to me saying he loves me or that he cares for me alot, and wants me, and thinks about me and dreams about me alot. I cant help but like him again, but I feel sick to the stomache cause the girl has sort of become a friend of mine. I feel like such a bitch but I cant help how I feel.

The thing is, the pair of them need each other, and I thought they loved each other, so why does he keep coming back to me?

Please help. This is torchering me.

whichwayisup · 8th January 2005, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Nearly two years have gone past and since then he has stayed with his girlfriend but keeps coming back to me saying he loves me or that he cares for me alot, and wants me, and thinks about me and dreams about me alot. I cant help but like him again, but I feel sick to the stomache cause the girl has sort of become a friend of mine. I feel like such a bitch but I cant help how I feel.

The thing is, the pair of them need each other, and I thought they loved each other, so why does he keep coming back to me?

Cuz he is having his cake and eating it too. After so many years, if he really truely wanted YOU, he'd be with you and only you. She may love him, but what he is doing to her is just so unfair...And to you, he is being cruel, on purpose playing you, pushing your buttons...You are feeding him by giving in and kissing him. Tell him to grow the F up and leave you alone.

You have to find a way to get over this guy. He does not love you. He may like you, want to have sex with you but he is NOT inlove with you. What if he dumps her...Comes to you. Can you trust him? Highly doubt it...

Good luck, stay strong and cut contact from him completely. He knows what he is doing to you too...Thing is, the ball is in your court - walk away and the game is over then you can mend your heart.

KunFuZed · 8th January 2005, 10:46 PM

This might seem mean but if it was me i would tell his girlfriend what he's doing to let her know he's no good. especially if she is your friend.

uriel · 9th January 2005, 6:45 AM

He keeps coming back to you because he's young and commitment scares him. You're a fallback option. It's also fun to have another girl to make out with and sex up. It boosts his ego in a relationship that's obviously become more mature and routine than he can handle (all good relationships do settle down into trust and habit eventually).

He's attracted to you still, but he was more attracted to the other girl way back when. Now that you have all the spice of forbidden lust, you might attract him more currently. But, I wouldn't take that as a ringing endorsement.

Any man who comes at you in this way is treating you and his gf with a lack of respect. If he really was in love with you, he'd break it off with her to be with you. If he was a good man, he'd do what was right.

However, he's really still a boy playing around with hearts. This isn't the love of your life. Cut him off cold. Don't let him talk the talk even if he isn't ready to pony up.

For that matter, put some distance between you. Stop hanging out. This isn't just a friendship -- which is what you signed on for. You're still too attracted to him and he's taking advantage of it.

-- uriel

candyfloss · 9th January 2005, 9:52 AM

thanks for replying to me. That makes a lot of sense. I guess I sort of knew that deep down, just with my feelings and confusion I just needed to hear it from someone else. hopefully like u said if I keep some distance, I can move on and find someone who actually does want me.

candyfloss · 9th January 2005, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KunFuZed
This might seem mean but if it was me i would tell his girlfriend what he's doing to let her know he's no good. especially if she is your friend.

I can see wot ur saying about telling her, but it is real difficult. I really like the girl, well, now that I have built up a relationship with her, and I dont want to ruin that

candyfloss · 9th January 2005, 10:18 AM

that is true I suppose wot u said. Maybe as it is a new year, I can change. New year, new love, move on from the old. An give up on this stupid idea that it will go any where.

Ladyjane14 · 9th January 2005, 11:10 AM

I agree with Uriel. Read that post twice!!

You're burning daylight while this guy is playing with your mind. You could be missing opportunities to meet someone wonderful!

If it were me, I wouldn't even give him the opportunity to plead his case...I'd just move on. He had his opportunity, right?

candyfloss · 9th January 2005, 12:36 PM

Ive been really foolish havent I. I cant keep doin this to myself or to the other girl. Think I will start to look for another guy 'thats single', and I can forget about him, an beggin to love again

whichwayisup · 9th January 2005, 2:17 PM

Don't put yourself down okay? We've all been there, fooled by guys...It is just part of life, growing and changing..Then finding out what is real and what isn't ...What you want in a future boyfriend, what you will and won't put up with. Learning...Through good and bad situations...Either way, you will become a stronger better person because of this unfortunate situation. Please remember this.

Don't allow him to make you feel bad. NOW you are aware of what is going on...It will be hard but yes, cut him off and out of your life. He doesn't deserve the time of day from you!!

You will feel worse and may then call yourself foolish if you continue down this path because as of now you are aware of what he is and what he is doing to you...So don't continue!! Stop and turn directions...RUN!

Love2share · 9th January 2005, 2:38 PM

I totally agree with all the others. You really should leave this guy alone. I went through the same thing with my ex when he cheated on me with another women. I broke up with him. Three months later, he and she were engaged to be marrired. But he had been calling me and emailing me for the entire three months, telling me that he loved and missed me. I waited another three months (total six months broken up) and allowed him to visit me.

He spent an entire weekend at my house. He turned his cell phone off and ignored phone calls from his girlfriend. We had a lot of sex all day and all night. He didn't even mention that he had a girlfriend, or a fiance. After that weekend, he stopped calling me and contacting me as often as he used to. But whenever he does call, it's only to have phone sex with me.

Clearly, my ex is a jerk. And so is yours.

candyfloss · 9th January 2005, 3:50 PM

Thanx for posting replies guys. its nice to hear advice that I cant give me self. Its not going to be easy, but I know I need to move on, an forget about him. Why should his insecurities turn into mine. I just hope there are some decent fellas out there that people can learnt to trust, and that my trust can go back into man-kind.