[BrotherD]

Holy Moly

Stopped talking to my ex in April. Was very upset. Lost weight, talked to everyone on the stinkin face of the earth about it , lost precious time, made a fool out of myself, etc, etc, etc. One of the lowest points in my life. Very, very upset.
I finally decided to go full on NO CONTACT.

I started working out, grabbed the reigns of my life and slowly put the pieces of my life back together. NC was really painful.
How could my ex not call me for 8 months? Did what we "had" mean nothing? Evidently so.

Then I met someone new. WOW! It was better than I ever imagined. Great sex, intimacy and joy. Yes, joy.
And what a hottie!!!
Yikes!!! We had a great summer, our realtionship has deepened and we're still going strong.

Had I not gotten on with my life, I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS GORGEOUS CREATURE!!!

Let this be a lesson to all readers here at loveshack!!!!

Had I not gotten on with my life, I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS GORGEOUS CREATURE!!!


Then my cell phone rang this morning.

The caller ID wasn't familiar, but I picked up anyway.

My ex said, "Hi, it's me..." And my heart stopped.

8 months since we last spoke.

We chatted very neutrally for about 10 minutes or so. Nice and light, nothing heavy.

"Hey I have to go now," the ex said, "I'll call you later..."

I said okay and closed the phone.

The phone rang again in about ten minutes, (now with the ex's caller ID) but I let it go to voice mail.

WHY CALL NOW?

Now mind you, I have never witnessed such repulsion and hatred toward me from anyone in my entire life. Seemingly overnight, we went from holding hands and snuggling to "don't touch me."

I was told

"I'm not into you and don't make me tell you the reasons I"VE rejected YOU!"
"Those shoes are what an old guy wears to look young"
"Your hair looks stupid"
"You smell"
"Next time do as your told"

I was subjected to all the horrors of being "just friends" as well

Future plans (without me)
Hopes and Dreams (without me)
New love interests and attractions
And finally, stopping by for a visit only to find the "one night stand" still there.


And when I was at my lowest, most pathetic point, that's when the ex went "for the throat..."

It borderlined on evil. In fact I think it was the closest I have ever come to evil in my life.

THE EX GOT OFF ON SEEING ME WRIGGLE AND SQUIRM. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Revelations come quick and clearly when your "out of the ether" (thanks to NC)

SO WHY CALL ME NOW?

Here's what I can relay to those of you who are in pain about a breakup...

1.) NO CONTACT. It's the only way to get well. Period.

2.) GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE! I am so happy I met someone new (and waaaaay nicer than my psycho ex..)

3.) THEY WILL EVENTUALLY CALL. One of the hardest things with NC is that I kept wondering if I was on the ex's mind. I WAS

4.) EX'S CAN WITHSTAND ANY ADVERSITY, EXCEPT BEING IGNORED. If I learned anything, it's that you've got to show them that you can live without them, forever! That's the only way to level the playing field...


In the meantime, I've found someone else.

I'm not calling back...

To my ex:

GOOD RIDDANCE AND I FORGIVE YOU

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

excellent post BrotherD

you fairly put yourself through the mill alright with that one!

THE EX GOT OFF ON SEEING ME WRIGGLE AND SQUIRM. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

yes i have read some girls are like that

i was nearly as bad as you last year, did all the "lets be friends" crap...

until one day i woke up and wised up to myself, i completely ignored her calls, texts, emails

she owned one of my bikes and one day i sent a friend to collect it and he told me she made me out that it was all my idea and she didn't understand!

as you said i would have missed out on a much better girl too had i not done this but now we are broke up too unfortunately

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

THEY WILL EVENTUALLY CALL. One of the hardest things with NC is that I kept wondering if I was on the ex's mind. I WAS

this is interesting, i was obsessing tonight driving past my ex's friends house ( very close to mine ) knowing that she will probably stay there on Friday night ( she has to drive 30mins to my city ) and wondered would i even enter her head?

[daphne]

congrationalis BrotherD. And good for you for moving on and finding someone awesome. I'm sure after the cra** your ex put you through you deserved something better.

I wish you the best. And don't ever let someone make you feel that bad about yourself again. Cos the right one simply wouldn't dream of it.

[KaiaMahina]

I can add my assurances to Brother's that "they" do indeed eventually call. It has something to do with the law of detachment. Meaning, for me, when I no longer want him, I can have him.



Ain't that always the way.

[BrotherD]

Thanks everybody for the comments.

After sleeping on this, I am still dumbfounded as to why I recieved the call. I have my suspicions

1.) WANTS SOMETHING.

The ex was very manipulative. Nothing was said or done unless there was personal gain. It baffles me why I

would be contacted. If I'm not "into" someone, all they have to offer (emotionally, materially) etc becomes irrelavent. I move on. In a

way it verifies to me that the ex had feelings for me but for whatever reason, couldn't get it together.

Makes no difference now as I have moved on...

2.) GETS OFF ON TORTURE

The biggest lesson (of many) that I learned is there are people out there that get off on "control." My whole

life I have tried to be as nice as I can be. When someone is hurt or down, I've tried to be compassionate and understanding and done

things to comfort and console. In my life, I have had romantic interests that I have rejected (as have everyone else) but I "let them go"

to get on with their life. I would never think of stringing them along for personal or material gain. WELL GUESS WHAT? There are kooky

people in this world and I have wised up.

3.) WANTS TO SEE IF I'LL TAKE THE BAIT

Speaking of control, kooky folks like to see if their voodoo/spell is still in effect. It confirms their

prowess, perception of themselves and desireability. To have a hook in someone turns them on. I am convinced that if I were to call

back, the message I send is "I'm still strung out on you, kick me some more..." That's not gonna happen...

4.) MY ROLE

The ex had a "sixth sense" that quickly identified my weaknesses, self doubt, etc. Capitalizing on this was critical to every move the ex made.

I learned that I listen to that stupid, negative voice inside my head way to much, and give it way to much credibilty. I'm WAY better than that.....

Also, when people lash out, they are usually intimidated. You don't square off with the "village

idiot" now do you? No, your feathers get ruffled when your up against someone who you deem better, prettier, stonger, smarter etc. I thought

I was out of my league with this ex, but in reality, it was the other way around. Hence the need to anihilate me with degrading comments etc.

Why couldn't I see this at that time? AAARGH YOU LIVE YOU LEARN

Thanks again for all your comments

[lost_in_chgo]

So if you really are done with her, why not have some fun?

Call her back or take the next call.
Agree to whatever she says.
Agree to meet her.

Don't show up.

When she calls and asks why say you forgot.
Then reschedule but be busy for a few days.

Then call and cancel ten minutes before you are supposed to meet.

etc. etc.

Nothing like turning the tables on a vindictive bitch.

[moon]

I sort of agree with lost_in_chgo. Wouldn't that be sort of funny to do?

But I don't think the ex always call you. I had one ex who never called me after we broke up. He and I lived near by for a long time after the break up, so I guess when I finally moved from there, there wasn't really a point of calling then (we'd already had a number of post break up discussions). But I did wait for him to call again after I left. It messed with my head. I was thousands of miles away and hoping he'd find me. So stupid. Such a waste of time. He didn't even have my number. I guess I just knew if I had wanted to talk to him so bad we had a few mutual friends who could have gotten us in touch. Yup, waste of time. It took a new man for me to actually forget. Now I can't even remember why I liked that ex. I think you must have at least one bad break up in your life. This helps you deal with a lot of other disappointments. It also helps you deal with other break ups. You learn what is a waste of time and what isn't in the post break up. Basically moving on, healing yourself and then finding another person is really the only way to go. Otherwise you just spend pointless time hoping and praying, when the ex might have totally moved on and forgotten all about you.

But anyway, even if the ex doesn't call, learn not to wait!!!! It's pointless. But BrotherD it looks like you got what you wanted, so cool. You have your ex trying to contact you and a new person to date. Things are looking up.

[Sukotto]

Best way to get over a (wo)man it go get under another.

[GreenCap]

Experts say that healing takes about 12 months. I started my real no contact on Dec. 15 although we broke up on Sep. 28, she moved out Oct. 15 and finally call it quits on Oct. 30, she told she had a new start Dec. 12 - then she went on a two week vacation with her new beau on Dec. 15 after I asked her not to go (sorry to all macho guys out there, I really love her and was going to propose during the 2004 holiday season).

So BrotherD's post gives me hope to pick up the pieces and make it stronger and find my new love. Whether she calls or not, I don't care anymore eventhough I love her still. But since she can't find happiness with me, then I should just let her go for her own sake and for my own sake to find my true happiness.

This past Monday, she deleted me off her MSN list although I took her off on Dec. 15. It hurt a little but for the best coz when we were on each other's list after the breakup, she would always block me when she sees me on....so this way, we both have our own lives to live...plus I stopped hanging out with mutual friends etc.

BrotherD, thanks for the post....she really put me down when she left just to justify her reasonings although she already had a backup all lined up. Is sad that this was someone I wanted to marry. Anyway, good luck to all who are coping with breakups!

[seductress989]

Wow, what a great post! I do totally agree with you. I dumped my loser ex in June and have been doing NC for almost 2 months. I'm happier w/myself than I have been in 2 years and I'm working out to reach my goals. I got to the point of thinking that I'd never hear from my ex again and I was fine with it!!!! On Christmas day, I get a lameo one-liner email wishing me well for the new year. This guy was a huge jerk to me after the fact and treated me like dirt when I tried to be nice to him. Needless to say, I didn't respond to the email and I could care less whether I ever seen or heard from him again!! That is why I agree: NC does help you move on whether you are the dumper(like me) or the dumpee! So if you're having doubts about NC, keep doing it and I assure you that you WILL move on!!!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by seductress989
That is why I agree: NC does help you move on whether you are the dumper(like me) or the dumpee! So if you're having doubts about NC, keep doing it and I assure you that you WILL move on!!!

NC should be a religion. I think I'm going to start the Church of No Contact, non-denominational, of course.

[nodakguy]

Yeah, they do call. (I've mostly been a "lurker" lately, but you can check my previous posts for my background story. I'm a dumpee for the record.)

Have done the NC thing (with a rare exception; let's call it "extremely limited"), and lo and behold ... a hand-made Christmas card showed up, a New Year's email, ... and three days later, on my birthday, exactly 1 minute after "evenening minutes" on the cell plan start, my cell rang. I was actually floored since the only time birthdays ever came up was in the first 15 minutes the night we met. Sure, I'd love to see her again, but she just moved 5 1/2 hrs. away, and I'm pretty iffy on the whole LDR notion, even if she said she wanted that, which I highly doubt. I'm "welcome to stop" anytime ... (since it's on my route to my parents' house). But, if she REALLY wants to see me, she's gonna have to tell me she wants to drive HERE! Cards/calls/emails just don't cut the mustard.

BrotherD ... I really like your tack with the ex. And it's great to hear you've got a new iron in the fire. Your attitude is awesome, and your story is a classic! I'm gonna read this one anytime I feel a little weak.

[DinNJ]

Doesn't it just KILL ya when they delete ya from the msn contact list???? That was salt in the wound for me.... Turn the knife a lil' more to the left... cmon, cmon... that's it.... that's where it hurts.... HATE HER! Better off.... was tired of seeing her pop Online, Offline.... Away.... Online, Offline.... "YEA!, I see you're online, and I'm not writing you!!!!"

sorry, had to vent a bit. yea, still a little bitter.

[Sukotto]

My ex changed her hotmail password recently so I can't check any more, but i blocked her a few days ago so thats her limited to contact by phone, text message, email or my front door.