[Losther]

Hey I need some advice.

Hey, I was tryign to remember what started our Downward spiral.

It hapened in 2003. My g/f had finals to study for. i told her not to worry about my BithDay cuz her doing well was a good enough present. So we had deicded thast we would postpone my Birthday celebration until after her fianls. But she decided to go to dinner w/ a friend from her old highschool out of the coutnry that her mother ahd been pushing on her. I was pissed but rationalized it that he was in town for 1 nigth so why not. But a coupl of months later she left her e-mail open on my laptop and I snooped.

She ahd e-mailed her best friend. I found out she told her that she was attracted to him and they had had serious sparks. That he was attractive and goign to be a Plastic surgeon. I was pissed. How can a girl who lived w/ me and had spent 5 years w/ talk about sparks w/ another guy. We ahd just been through this before. we had just gone through this issue of trust. And here it crept up again.

I didn't knwo what to do. But i couldn't say anything. cuz I shoauldn't be reading ehr e-mail anyways. So i internalized it and just got angrier and angrier at her. I didn't know whether I hsould be mad becasue she said that or not care cuz it was a private thought and I shouldn't be snooping to begin w/.

Any ideas?

[HokeyReligions]

Why not just be honest with her. Tell her you saw the email when she left the laptop open - you couldn't help herself.

Then just tell her you were curious and want an honest answer -- when she talked about sparks was this just girl-talk and meant nothing, or are there sparks there. If she says the latter than break up.

If she gets angry at you for snooping, be honest and tell her you didn't go out of your way to snoop, but she left the computer right there and you were curious, and at least you came clean with her and was honest enough to admit that.

[Losther]

Well we are broken up already. in the end it was my doing. But I'm tryign to figure out things int he realtionship out. Wether I should do the things I need for me and move on or whther Ishoudl still try to reconcilr it.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Losther
She ahd e-mailed her best friend. I found out she told her that she was attracted to him and they had had serious sparks. That he was attractive and goign to be a Plastic surgeon.

Serious sparks, attractive, and on his way to a lucrative career... hmm. That's not good. Better you find out now, though and not sometime after those sparks blew into a huge fire. You'll have to confront her, and ask her to be honest. You will have to prepare yourself for the possibility that she is laying the groundwork for something new after a long slow slide into 'falling out of love' with you - particularly if you have already addressed this recently.

Have you noticed any other problems, or any changes in her behavior in the past couple of months? People have a way of repeating behaviors if they continue to get away with them.

You also have to understand that her story about how she came to be going out with him seems off. She told you that she was busy studying for finals, and agreed to postpone a celebration with you. Then she went on an obviously romantic date with a guy anyway, telling you that her mother was 'pressuring her to go out with him'. Did she just suddenly decide that she had some free time after all? Why would some serious sparks be flying in a date that she is forced by her mother to go on if she is in love with her boyfriend? I have a hard time buying this story. It sounds like she wanted to go out with him, and found a convenient way to go out with him that made her look innocent to you.

***edit***
You got in that post before this one, I didn't see where you were already broken up. What is your ex girlfriend doing now? Do you still talk to her?

[Losther]

we broke up about 2 months ago. We haven't talked since then except over e-mail.

Mybe it was a hint for me to get my act together. I hadn't really settled on a career path yet. But she finishes law school in June.

We had been together 6-1/2 years up to this point.

But I have things I have to handle. But she stayed w/ me for 2 years after and never cheated and stopped talking to him altotgether.

And for the fianls. I was adament abotu not celebrating cuz of her finals so after a long discussion she agreed. Yeah that did hurt me. cuz I had given up something for her.