[sfosyd]

Hello,

My wife moved out of our home about three months ago, from a big city to a tiny little town about 300 miles away from here, back in with her parents. We have been in contact via e-mail only but emailing about a lot of emotional stuff and things seemed to be going pretty well. We have not seen each other or spoken on the phone but she did send me a nice Christmas gift.

I have used this time to work on myself reading every self help book that I can and seeing a threapist. I have realized that I was controlling and subject to angry outbursts. She did me a huge favor by leaving me, and forcing me to deal with these issues.

My wife has no expenses since she is living with her parents and she also has no job but has indicated she is looking for one. When she left me, she also left her job so I immediately put her on my health insurance and started sending her $1,000 a month. I also paid entirely for her move and paid off some minor debt for her (even though I didn't know she was leaving) which was over $3,500. She has ignored my emails asking about a legal separation agreement.

Recently, she has indicated that she wants to start dating other people to "know that she truly wants to come back to me". It also seems to me that she is spending a lot of time going out to bars and dancing which she is always telling me about and all the guys that are buying her drinks at those places. This is a complete 180 from before.

Based on this information, do people think that I should continue sending her money? I did already indicate a while back that I would send her money for January but she has made many false promises to me in terms of contacting me. I am not sure what do; I really feel that she wants to "live the single life" but wants the benefits of marriage.

Any advice at all is appreciated.

Thanks

[VivianLee]

Based on this information, do people think that I should continue sending her money?

Recently, she has indicated that she wants to start dating other people to "know that she truly wants to come back to me". It also seems to me that she is spending a lot of time going out to bars and dancing which she is always telling me about and all the guys that are buying her drinks at those places. This is a complete 180 from before.

Depends on if you want to sponser her good times!! Now if she were trying to work things out or if you were the one that had her leave AND she were using the money for everyday expenses but to read she wants to date and gets 1,000 a month despite the fact she barely has expenses....I think you are basically enabling her to live single and be paid for it....

[Ladyjane14]

Do you have any children? If so, then there needs to be a legal separation in place to make sure that they are well provided for.

If not, and she wants to date other people....well, that's not marriage. Why should you support her lifestyle as a single-person?

[agnf666]

If I was to send her money it would be as much as you send to her. Sounds like she needs a fling or something in order to come back. If you really want a divorce then you need to tell her... You need to call her and be like I want to be free. I don't want to hear about you goin to bars and stuff. Since she doesn't have expenses she is just blowing all this money. You two need to stop emailing and get together and honestly talk about everything.

[Devildog]

I really feel that she wants to "live the single life" but wants the benefits of marriage.

I really feel that you are absolutely right. And to keep enabling that behavior isn't going to get you anywhere.

Recently, she has indicated that she wants to start dating other people to "know that she truly wants to come back to me". It also seems to me that she is spending a lot of time going out to bars and dancing which she is always telling me about and all the guys that are buying her drinks at those places.

Doesn't sound like a marriage to me. If she wants to see other people and date other people she needs to atleast have the honor and courtesy of ending the marriage first. It is better for her to let you go have your own chance at happiness than to expect you to wait while she goes out whoreing around and then expecting you to be there and pretend nothing happened when she grows out of that stage.

I'm going to make a few guesses here. Married young? She didn't date much before you? Possibly never slept with anyone but you? Those are usually some of the big ones regarding the whole need to sow their wild oats after they get married.

File for legal seperation, that might wake the spoiled little child up.

[sfosyd]

Thank you everyone!!

I've decided to send the money for January because I said I would, but before sending more money after this, we need to meet face to face and discuss things.

Thanks