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My son wants to marry a MUCH older woman.... HELP!!!
Hi there
This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.
My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.
I am worried about him.
They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.
When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???
Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.
Many thanks,
Concerned Mother - who wishes to remain anonymous.
Yep - report her to the police. Something you should have done a long time ago...
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People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Ok let me get this straight, your 16 year old son who is under the age of 18 not yet considered an adult, is dating/engaged to a 54 year old woman? I'm assuming he is still living at home? Have you asked him what the fascination is? Have you talked to the 54 year old? Why are you allowing this? The reason I'm asking this is because he is 16, a minor, he is still under your care as a parent. I would think you would have some kind of control over the situation. Have you talked with him in any detail about this? 16 year olds are hardly old enough to make a descion like that about marrying. At 16 they hardly know anything about life etc. Sounds like maybe she has brainwashed him. Call the police ASAP, find out whats really going on here. If they are having sex she can go to jail, understand?
I'm sorry, but that is just freaky. Call the police, this woman has to be unstable to encourage such a relationship with a 16 yr. old boy. It's called pedophile!
Originally posted by ConcernedMother
Hi there
This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.
My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.
I am worried about him.
They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.
When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???
Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.
Many thanks,
Concerned Mother - who wishes to remain anonymous.
I would imagine that no matter where you live in North America (assuming you live in N.A.), your son is considered a "minor".........she is obviously NOT a minor...........In most states, it's against the law for an adult to get involved with a minor.........so what have you done about this? You are the parent here, what are you doing about this disturbing situation? Have you contacted your local law enforcement and reported this? If not, why not? She's a predator. Do something about this NOW.
This sounds just like the post from the girl who was dating a guy that age who was constantly checking out older women. She even mentioned that he had dated a 54 year old with either three kids or three grandkids (can't remember which) and had threatened to dump her for a 54 year old woman if she didn't get her jealousy under control. Small world!
I guess when its your kid in question, instead of your boyfriend its a different story. What is the age of consent for marriage where you are?
__________________ No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks. --Mary Wollstonecraft
Originally posted by indigo_moon
I would imagine that no matter where you live in North America (assuming you live in N.A.), your son is considered a "minor".........she is obviously NOT a minor...........In most states, it's against the law for an adult to get involved with a minor.........so what have you done about this? You are the parent here, what are you doing about this disturbing situation? Have you contacted your local law enforcement and reported this? If not, why not? She's a predator. Do something about this NOW.
I live in Manchester, United Kingdom.... the age of consent is 16 years old in the UK.
Since he is of the age of consent, there is very little you can do other than voice your concerns and hope for the best. Have you talked to the woman yet about it?
Two unmarried people of opposite sex and at least 18 years of age are free to marry, provided they are not closely related members of the same family. Persons between the ages of 16 and 18 may marry under the same conditions, but with the written consent of their parents or other lawful guardians (or, in the final instance, of an English court of law. If the parents or guardians are overseas, their signatures should be witnessed by a notary or consular officer).
It appears as though he can't get married without written consent from a parent or legal guardian if he's under sixteen.
Re: My son wants to marry a MUCH older woman.... HELP!!!
Quote:
Originally posted by ConcernedMother
Quote:
Hi there
This problem is worrying me a lot, so I will explain it here.
My 16-year-old son is dating a 54-year-old grandmother-of-three - and the age gap is 38 years between them.
I am worried about him.
I would be worried too -- but it's their choice. He could marry someone his own age and have a terrible marriage.
Quote:
They are talking of marriage and have got engaged now.
When my son is 40, she will be 78. How many 40-year-old men like the idea of a wife who is almost 80???
I seriously doubt if the marriage will last that long.
Quote:
Can anyone help me here, I am really worried for my son.
Tell him you love him. Talk to him about what might realistically happen to him, and her, if they stay together. Think of he obstacles they will face. What about kids? What is her family thinking about all of this? Don't sign the papers needed for him to marry -- chances are the relationship won't last until he is of legal age, and if it does there is nothing you can do but continue to love your son.
Do you belong to a church that does faith-based counseling? Is your son religious? Get some outside (faith-based or secular) counseling on this -- insist that if this other woman really loves him than she will go through couples counseling for new marriages -- it's not a fix-a-problem type of counseling, but one that is designed to help a couple realize what marriage is and what is important and how to cope with problems. It might shed some light for both of them.
Re: Re: My son wants to marry a MUCH older woman.... HELP!!!
Quote:
Originally posted by HokeyReligions
Talk to him about what might realistically happen to him, and her, if they stay together. Think of he obstacles they will face.
What obstacles will they face, and what will realistically happen to them??
scorn and ridicule from others. He may get comments about making love to a sagging wrinkled body or something like that from people his age. How is he going to handle that.
What about children, does he want kids? Resentment from her family maybe. Finishing high-school and attending college, where he is going to meet a lot of women. Finding a job and helping to support his new family - is his wife going to play mommy to him and be totally supportive in a maternal way -- that would be very confusing. People mistaking her for his mother when they are out. Finding other couples to be friends with - it seems like they might be very lonely as a couple. His friends his age are not going to want to hang out with them as a couple, and her friends her age will likely feel the same. They have nothing in common with others as a couple. That alone is going to put a big strain on the relationship.
I don't know how her health is, but it's going to become increasingly more difficult for her to keep up with him if he is an active teenager. He may want to go skiing and she may need something more passive. Right now she may be fine health-wise, and very active - but she is getting older and age brings creaky joints, arthritis, bone loss, menopause (if she's not already there), and generally lowers or slows the activity level. I know precious few people who at age 50+ can do the same things they did at age 20 and with the same vitality and endurance.
Talk to a child advocacy group and find out about child abuse laws in your area and how they are enforced. You don't want him to be taken away from you, but there may be some help that is available to both of you in your area. Then again, sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes and as much as we (parents) don't want to see our children hurt (we hurt right along with them) we have to let them be hurt in order to learn and grow. All we can do is stand behind them and be their safety-net when they fall.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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