My friend is too friendly with me

derekj513 · 16th December 2004, 5:40 PM

I keep messing around with a married woman. I've known her longer than her husband but didn't get with her when I had the chance. We've grown to be close friends and we often hang out and watch movies.

The problem arises when we end up cuddling and it escalates into sex.We keep saying we should stop, but it happens 3/4 of the time when she comes over. I know logically, we should stop the cuddling. But she practically forces me into it and tells me to give her massages. I try telling her to get a massage from her husband, but she says I'm better at it.

I really don't want to stop seeing her because she's my friend, but I feel bad because she says everything is great with her husband and she always acts like she fees guilty after we're done. But why does she continue to do this then? I dont initiate the contact, and she unbuttons her own pants without me asking. Should I stop seeing her altogether or does anyone have a suggestion on how to avoid the sexual situations?

By the way, we're both 21 and her husband is 28.

whichwayisup · 16th December 2004, 5:44 PM

Set some rules and don't cross the line. Don't spend any time alone together. Go out instead of hanging out inside her home or your home.

She should not be asking for massages from you and you have to learn to say NO...Easier said than done eh? Well, if you feel bad about what is going on then just stop it. You do have the power to say NO to her. Keep the hands to themselves and watch how you both 'talk' to eachother. Steer away from intimate conversations that should not happen.

Good luck.

derekj513 · 16th December 2004, 5:46 PM

it is easier said than done. but thanks for the advice

Barby · 16th December 2004, 5:50 PM

I can't see why after the first couple of times (and you "knew" it was wrong and didn't really want it to happen) that you continued to go through with it when you saw her unbuttoning her pants you should have said "hey wait, I'm not doing this, you're married and we're JUST friends" but then again cuddling is very innappropriate as well.

Maybe hanging out you should invite her husband along as well..do things with the three of you so she doesn't have the chance to put the moves on you.

Though I don't imagine it bothers you all that much if you've continued this "affair"

The best thing you can do (IMHO) is just be honest with her that you don't want to do intimate things anymore and that you're not going to participate in her being dishonest with her husband.

whichwayisup · 16th December 2004, 6:00 PM

Anytime. Just communicate with her how it is making you feel. If you both are close friends, then you should be able to talk about anything right? Sooner or later her H is gonna figure it out then .....Well, you know how it goes.

Owl · 16th December 2004, 6:05 PM

Here's a thought...quit having her come over for movies!!! Don't see her in anything other than a public situation. This isn't rocket science friend...you're doing it just as much as she is!!!

It takes to to do the.... All that has to happen is for one or the other to NOT do it. Quit going along with it...quit allowing yourself to get into the situation where it can happen...TELL her that you want to end what you're doing and just be friends.

Again...not rocket science. Don't sit and act like it's all her fault. Take some responsibility for what you're doing too!!! BOTH of you are involved in this...and I'm assuming that if she's your friend...he is too, but to a lesser degree. How do YOU feel about what you're doing to HIM??

You know what to do....now just do it.

VirgoLady · 16th December 2004, 6:12 PM

Just wondering if the husband knows of his wifes close friendship with you, or is it a friendship that you have behind his back?

16th December 2004, 6:37 PM

Here is a thought:
How would you feel if you were her husband?
Sorry my friend but this says a lot about your moral compass which apparently is broken.
How do you think the husband will act toward you when he finds out you have been screwing his wife behind his back? You don't sound like you are much of a friend to her or him. What goes around comes around!

Sweetz · 16th December 2004, 6:59 PM

Don't put yourself in a situation where you can fall weak. You know what will ultimately happen so putting the temptation in front of you and then trying to logically do the right thing just won't work. I have a feeling deep down you do like it, otherwise you would put an end to it immediately. Actions speak louder than words.

reservoirdog1 · 16th December 2004, 7:24 PM

Self-preservation should also be on your mind. Eventually, her H will probably find out. And when he does, among his many emotional reactions will be a desire to cut off your c*ck and stuff it down your throat. Trust me on this. I've been in his position. And for all you know, he may act on that impulse.

You say she's your friend. But she's also a lying cheat. Is that really somebody you want to have as a friend? (Or, just as a f*ck buddy?) And, I echo what Bryanp said: it says a lot about your own moral compass that you willingly participate.

And, last but not least, karma is a bitch. Consider yourself warned.

derekj513 · 16th December 2004, 9:53 PM

but i do not even know the guy very well. he knows of me and that we hang out a lot together. and i do want it to stop and i realize i'm guilty too even if she's the one who initiates contact. i wanna call him and tell on her, but i can't bring myself to tell on my friend. if i were in his situation, i'd beat the cheating whore's ass. we talk about needing to stop our immoral behavior, but we never do. i don't want to offend my friend with an ultimatum or risk losing her as a friend. on the other hand, i know what it's like to have a female cheat on you when you've treated her like gold.

Moose · 16th December 2004, 10:24 PM

Dump her......you'll find other friends.

You know what you're doing is wrong. You know how immoral it is. You know the husband will find out....eventually. You know you can't remain just friends now after going where you went with her.

You wouldn't pour gasoline all over you, then light a match............... would you?

onlyhuman · 17th December 2004, 12:20 PM

Its really horrible that she forces this on you.
Just imagine your married to a wife you love and adore and then find out some guy has been doing her on the side, this will help your perspective.
The road your on is going to get rougher.
I totally agree with reserviordog on this, 100%.
You still have the opportunity to make this right!

Sweetz · 17th December 2004, 12:56 PM

I dont think derek gets it, at least right now he doesn't. Eventually though, we (cheaters) all do. The question is...WHEN do we get it and how much time will it take for us to get it and how much time do we want to waste before we get it. There will come a time when you sit back and say, "Man, I messed up". But I guess this isn't the time for you. You are having too much fun and justifying it every step of the way instead of owning up to the responsibility that YOU made and continue to make the choices that put you in that situation that you are trying to act like you are so lost in. You can't lie to a liar derek, I get it.

This affair will inevitably end whether it is because you end it or because it gets ended for you. That is the reality of it. You are just thinking in the present state but if you were to stop and think where this is leading you, perhaps you would have a light bulb go off in your head.

holden · 17th December 2004, 3:08 PM

Derek,

First of all, she is not your "friend". maybe u used to be friends, but now you are a person who is having sex with a married woman. The excuses you are giving are flimsy and poor. U say she is cuddling up to you - get away from her. U say she forces u - ask her not to , and if she doesnt stop seeing her for a week or so at least so that she gets the message. U say she likes your massage - stop kidding your self. both of you know that by doing all this, you will end up having sex and thats the only reason y u are doing it. so dont call this relationship friendship.

you know what u are doing is wrong. nothing is gonna chance that. you will have to face some severe consequences when the husband gets to know. its just a matter of time. just get out of the mess while you can. you are young, and u will find other lovers and other friends. you have already started to break up the marriage by engaging in sex with her and the best thing for you to do is to stop it completely and look for someone else.

If you are looking for someone to tell you what u are doing is okay and not to feel guilty about it, you ar ein the wrong forum my friend. this place is filled with people who have been at the recieving end of acts like the one you are doing. The only advice anyone here will give u is to stop.

RAHUL