[Celie]

the past few months have been hell in my relationship (he has been just a distant, emotionally abusive jerk, i have been insanely jealous & drank too much). we live together but about a week or so ago he told me he was "restless" in the relationship & didn't see a future for us, he feels pressure for a more long term commitment (thinks i wanna get married tho i've never alluded to that...), needs space, he's not depressed but s/t is "wrong" & he can't place it, but thinks maybe it's the holidays & we should jst try to get thru it. loves me & doesn't wanna hurt me. classic breakup speech, right?

after processing (& making clear there's no marriage pressure, hello!) i ask him, "sounds like you've already made a decision. don't keep me hanging on." but he swears he wants to try & work it out & maybe even see a counselor if he feels the same way in a couple months. i decided i was going to go on a trip w/ my girlfriends for space but he said don't go, we need to be together during this fragile time & it wouldn't be good for "us."

but i now have a constant knot in my stomach & feel like walking on eggshells. seriously having problems eating/sleeping. i'm trying to concentrate on myself, hanging w/ friends, working, etc but i'm so anxious & sad. very confused by his mixed messages! again i think he has secretly made up his mind & doesn't want to hurt me but i called him on this & he says he hasn't made any decisions, that just "maybe" we don't have a future. plus i know it's hard for him to afford his own place so i wonder if he isn't biding his time saving $. but what can i do? i'm still in love with him so i find it impossible to say goodbye. plus logistically, when you live together it's pretty complicated. i can't just say, "no more," when he lives there & i can't break contact... any ideas?

[richyfromwgtn]

You don't sound like you're very old so you're gonna hear something you're probably sick of.

Don't waste your life on the wrong person.

So often people stay together becuase it's hard to get out of that comfort zone, it's scarey and emotionally a devastating time. However, consider the consequences:

What if you get pregnant?
What if he (or you) lose your job and it takes a while to get another one?
What if you're still hanging on a year, 2 years from now?

I reckon you should go for counselling and get it done straight away. The truth will come out.

Hi,

I'm in a similar situation but he's already told me it's over. He broke up with me just over a month agp and i'm still living here. I'm supposed to be packing my stuff today so i can move tomorrow but there keeps on being another excuse as to why i can't do it right now. I still love him so much and just can't seem to get it out of my head that he might change his mind.

A bit of time away with your friends would probably be a good idea. You'll have someone to talk to, or if you don't feel like talking you'll atleast have that unspoken support there for you. I know that without my friends i would still be a blithering mess and calling in sick to work every day. You'll also be able to think about things and put them into perspective without him around. Maybe he's right and you just can't see that at the moment.

The time apart would probably be good for him to. It may not go the way you want, but it might show him just how much he'll miss you. Or he'll realise that being apart is better for him. Which ever way, if this happens he'll hopefully be able to tell you what's going on so you're not hanging around without a clue.

Maybe i'm not the right person to be trying to give advice at the moment, but I think this is just as much for me as it is for you.. Maybe i'll go start packing now..

Cheers.