My 20 year old nephew called me this weekend and said that he had checked himself into a drug treatment center. I am not sure what drugs he is talking about but I am hoping only pot nothing like coccain.
And what really bothers me is that while he is there for 6 weeks, he can have no visitors or telephone calls. Even during Christmas he is not allowed visitors or to come home for the day. Is this not a time when you need your family.
What is the reason for that. He can only call out to people on his approved list.
I am wondering what is a typical day in rehab, so that I can try and understand what he is really going thru. Is there a detoxification process, and what does that entail.
I am just really confused and really really helpless.
He was in university taking computer classes and working at two jobs and he said that there was so much pressure for him to do good. And he was working every shift that he could and he started taking pills to stay awake and now he cant function without them. I know that he and his friends also smoked pot.
Has anyone been thru this, or knows what is the process that happens while in rehab.
I can certainly appreciate your anxiety, and while it may be difficult, find comfort in knowing that your nephew is in the best possible place he can be. Your nephew also has another thing going for him that will better his chances for recovery - in that he chose to admit himself rather than being forced into rehab by law enforcement or bribed into seeking help by an employer or relative. This means he has taken the first giant step: admitting he has a problem he can't control on his own.
If he was in rehab for any other reason other than wanting to change his life for better, than his chances of staying clean and sober would be all the more difficult.
Each treatment facility varies in its methods. Some are more stringent than others. In my ex-husbands and daughters case, they were not permitted outside contact for the first two-three weeks because it is important that the patient be invested in the "detox" portion of their program - the most difficult hurdle to overcome - and any potential emotional distractions, be they by family or friends, may influence whether or not they stay focused.
Your nephew will be monitored daily regarding his health by qualified medical staff. His blood will be checked regularly - both to keep a check on his physical condition and also to assure the staff that no drugs have been smuggled in by another patient or outside visitor. This DOES happen, since not everyone is there because they want to be.
He will undergo intense psychological evaluations and counseling sessions, both individually and in group. Again, he must remain focused on his program and not with whats going on outside with his family and friends.
In our case, my daughter and husband were eventually allowed one phone call a day. They usually recommend that it be with an immediate relative - spouse or parent. I was also permitted, as both the wife and parent, to visit my husband and daughter during counciling sessions. This was to educate me on the best way to help with their on-going recovery process once they were released from the program. Aunts, uncles and friends were not permitted to attend these sessions, but the information was passed on to those who were sincerely interested in learning how to support them through their recovery rather than just out of idle curiosity.
Once your nephew re-enters the real world, outside the safety of the clinic, the REAL work begins. He must make a complete life change, including removing himself from the social circle of his user friends/family while he is still vulnerable to influence and susceptible to falling back into old patterns. This won't be easy, and that's when concerned family and friends should step in to offer their support and encouragement. Taking the time to educate oneself regarding the complexity of addictions would be a real bonus for those who are sincerely interested in understanding and helping the recovering addict.
Your nephew will most likely continue on with counseling even after his release to help him stay on track and reinforce his resolve to stay clean. It is a lifelong process and constant uphill battle, which is why they call it "recovery" and not a "cure." The strength, compassion, determination and dedication of his outside support system (family, friends & therapists) can make all the difference in the world when it comes to helping him beat the odds for a relapse. The rest will be up to him…
__________________
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” ~ Mark Twain
Thank you
I have no clue what goes on there.
I did call this morning and ask to be placed on his contact list.
They sure go through a screening process to ensure that you are a positive person in their life.
I really commend the treatment center for that.
And they will not say whether he is there or not.
Until the screening process is complete.
Yeap. It's also to ensure the patient's privacy. Legal reasons, too. Once the client is considered a legal adult (over the age of seventeen) they won't even divulge information to the parents without the client's consent. I had difficulty locating my own daughter the last time she enrolled herself in treatment. I was beside myself with worry and they would not disclose even whether or not she was there. I didn't sleep for weeks until she was finally permitted to pick up the telephone and call.
Again, your nephew is in good hands. Not only are these folks trained and qualified, but most of them are recovered addicts themselves and understand better than anyone what he is going through. They've been there and have been successful at working the program. It's the very reason they're so motivated to help others.
And don't you worry, yourself. They'll make sure he gets to celebrate the holidays. It won't be like "home," but he'll be safe and sound.
Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO
And don't you worry, yourself. They'll make sure he gets to celebrate the holidays. It won't be like "home," but he'll be safe and sound.
So let me ask a question EnigmaXOXO:
A friend of mine's teenage kid (21 yrs old) was carted of to drug rehab a month ago involuntarily. It was court ordered cause he failed numerous drug test for heroin addiction. Apparently he will be gone for up to 12 months somewhere out of state (we are in Michigan). What does this mean and what are the ramifications for involuntary?
Well…if he's 21, he isn't a teenager. I'm assuming a "court order" and mandatory drug testing means he's gotten into some trouble with the law because of his drug use? If so, I'd say he's a whole lot better off there than in jail or dead. Someone obviously took pity on him and decided to cut him a break although he may not see it that way right now.
I always try to hold out hope, alphamale - but at the same time I also have to be honest and tell you that heroine addictions are among the most difficult to kick because prolonged use alters one's brain chemistry permanently. The particularly nasty and painful withdrawal symptoms make it all the more difficult for the user to quit on their own. There is a very low success rate even among those who were able to get professional help. Most go back to using, or substitute their heroine addiction for another even after completing their rehab program.
My own daughter has relapsed a total of three times. The longest she's been able to go after treatment was six months. In the end, they had to place her on the Methadone program which was something she was trying so hard to avoid because it is just as addictive and comes with its own set of problems and dangers. Heroine withdrawl is nasty and painful - but if you try to cold turkey Methadone it will kill you. You have to be weened off gradually under medical supervision.
Because our county has no Methadone clinics (many counties don't), she must travel two hours every morning before work to pick up her dosage. They're very strict about how they manage and distribute this medication since it is also a popular street drug sold illegally. She lives in constant fear that she'll arrive late or something will happen and she won't be able to make her appointment. As she said: "The only difference between my Methadone and Heroine runs is that I'm no longer being shot at." - end quote.
Having agonized over seeing what my own child is going through, I can honestly tell you that anything less than a twelve month program would be a complete waste of time. Given that he/she is entering treatment under protest, a 30 or 60 day program just wouldn't do it. It'll take at least that amount of time for him to clear his head enough to get with the program. 'Attitude' counts for a lot when it comes to the success or failure of one's recovery. Fortunately, he/she has time on their side. I imagine that whoever recommended this extended program knew exactly what they were doing. I also wouldn't be surprised if they recommend that he/she enter a half-way house for a while even after the twelve month program is completed. That would ultimately be the best case scenario to ensure their continued success.
It's tough, and I'm so very sorry that you also know someone who is going through this.
I understand completely what your friend is going through.
A parent dies 'inside' a little each day - right along with their child - as they stand by helplessly and watch this thing called "addiction" slowly consume and take possession of the one person you love so much that you would gladly give your own life to save. It's a parent's instinct to want to protect and eliminate any danger that threatens the very life of their child. If it were a person with a knife to your child's throat, a parent would commit murder in their child's behalf without hesitation to remove that threat.
But unlike a person, you can't plead to its conscience and beg it for mercy. You can't pay it ransom and bribe it to go away. You can't threaten it - you can't beat it - and you certainly can't kill it. There's nowhere to vent your desperation, terror and rage as you watch your child slowly die. IT doesn't care. And you can't turn it on the one you're trying to save because IT has made them stop caring, too.
I imagine the helplessness and despair a parent or spouse feels is much like those who've had to sit by and watch while a loved one succumbed to a fatal illness or disease. No matter how tightly you try to hang onto them, like water, they slowly slip from your fingers. The only thing you have to rely on is hope and prayer. But when it comes to drug and alcohol addictions, what makes it particularly difficult to accept is that it could have been totally avoided. If only they had never began using in the first place…
I am so mad at my nephew that I could scream.
He called me and his parents to pick him up from drug rehab and we all refused, because we love him and want him to get better.
So he calls up his drug friends and they picked him up.
I am so mad I want to find him and slap him silly.
I called up several agencies and they cant help him unless he wants the treatment which he says he does not need.
His only other option is when he gets into trouble with the law, then he will get mandatory treatment, but he has to break the law first.
He is pretty sneaky about it and has not been caught so I can only hope.
I talked to him last night for over one hour, and he acted like I was the one that had the problem, and he says if I am so worried about him that he will try and use less drugs. And that if he had a job and a girlfriend that his life would be so much more better. I told him that he needs treatment and he said for what.
I am not giving up on this issue. If I have to I will find out where he and his friends are doing the drugs and then I will call the police and I will as soon as I find their spot. I am doing this for his own good, I only wish that he knew how much everyone cares about him.
Originally posted by Midnight Magic
I am not giving up on this issue. If I have to I will find out where he and his friends are doing the drugs and then I will call the police and I will as soon as I find their spot. I am doing this for his own good, I only wish that he knew how much everyone cares about him.
My advice is worth a grain of salt. But I have to say this.
You cannot help your nephew. I'm a recovering addict. I last used my drug of choice June 12, 2001.
My family did everything force me into sobriety. Nothing worked and I ended up living out of my car for 3 months, staying at various people's houses who used or sold. The only thing that led me to sobriety was when I realized, for myself, that I needed to get clean and live my life, not just waste my time finding and buying my drug for a few hours of bliss.
You can invest all your energy into making him better, it won't work unless he realizes he has a problem. Until then, it is a waste of your time and energy. Just my 2 cents.
I saw this with my ex-BF. He's finally been arrested for posession and will go back to prison. But still doesn't think he has a problem. His mother works her fingers to the bone to make him get better. She is frantic, does everything, has tried everything.
When you get f*cked up it's not about knowing how much everyone else cares about you - it's about the fact that you care so little about yourself.
__________________
I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
Originally posted by blind_otter
When you get f*cked up it's not about knowing how much everyone else cares about you - it's about the fact that you care so little about yourself.
so true, so true...
it's all about self-esteem, the vast majority of heavy drug addicts either have extremely low self-esteem or an underlying psychiatric illness, or worse yet, both.
This is a very important link for people who have addicted loved ones. Another reason that rehabs try to limit outside contact is b/c fam and friends normally have to enter a therapy sessions as well to learn how to stop enabling behaviour that has become second nature to them.
For example- you and your fam refused to pick him up from rehab (Congratulations on that BTW) but what would you do if he called for bail b/c he had been picked up w/drugs? It's a lot harder to say "Sorry but you are where you need to be" in that circumstance.
Al-anon can help with that as well as offering support for the pain and anger you have towards him. Find out where they are meeting in your area and take his parents if you can.
Good Luck and many hugs!
__________________
Benjamin Disraeli:
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
The thing that really upsets me is his potential, and he has a high self esteem.
All thru high school his average was 95%, and the computer course that he started his average was the same. In fact, he was chosen because of his grades to receive a 4 year tuition paid education. And he blew it. I am so disappointed in him.
No matter what, I am not leaving things as they are. I will go down fighting for this kid (adult). I have the money, the patience and the will power to get him the help he needs. And if I have to, I have many people in the law enforcement agencies, that will help me. I will have him arrested, if that is what it takes.
It tears me up just thinking of all the punks that he hangs out with, but again no one forced it on him. He made that wrong choice himself.
When you get f*cked up it's not about knowing how much everyone else cares about you - it's about the fact that you care so little about yourself.
The thing is that he does not think this way at all. He cares about himself, or so he says. I guess the drugs are just doing the talking.
Anyways, the whole family and him are going to counselling tomorrow. And he is going because I asked him to go.
Originally posted by Midnight Magic
When you get f*cked up it's not about knowing how much everyone else cares about you - it's about the fact that you care so little about yourself.
The thing is that he does not think this way at all. He cares about himself, or so he says. I guess the drugs are just doing the talking.
Anyways, the whole family and him are going to counselling tomorrow. And he is going because I asked him to go.
You think you know a person....
You described me, you know. I was a straight a student. I went to a boarding school for gifted girls in London when I was 15. I graduated with highest honors, was in the honors program in college, graduated with a 3.6 GPA. I also had a full scholarship with a stipend which I lost due to my drug use.
I made a lot of effort creating an image of a confident, competant person who had self-esteem. In reality, it was all an act - clearly illustrated by my drug use and abuse.
See - I never said I had low self-esteem. I never admitted it to myself. I lied to myself as much as I lied to everyone else.
Drugs don't talk. They just show a person's weaknesses more clearly. Most parents or loved ones of addicts go through a long period of denial where they invest too much of themselves into their loved one's addictive process.
I wish you good luck and all the best. You have a long, hard struggle ahead of yourself.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
