[EC]

OMG I am seriously going insane over here....

I need to vent.

Well some of you know how I was getting ready to move into my new apartment. Well Now Im not and Im pissed.

I have to tell you from the beginning. My mother got married to leave her strict house at the age of 18 to my father (loser, scum bucket) she got pregnant and had me and then my father went to jail. So the thing is that she was the first child and was always spoiled and she was beautiful. I me mean my mother during her younger days was gorgeous. And so she always thought in her dumb little head of hers that she was going to meet some rich man to fall in love with her and take her from her misery and buy her a house and keep her in furs so that she would never have to work again.
Well, fast forward to now, she is 38, she thinks she is 19,her looks have gone, she has no college education and has the job she does because she lied about her college. She gets angry at my brother and I because she thinks its our fault she didn't get her prince charming and looks at taking care of us as an obligation.
She is getting in trouble at her job and she's freaking out because she's by herself and wont get a job that pays her this much if she gets fired. My brother is a loser following his fathers footsteps. He has been in HS for 3 years and only had 5 credits. I tried and tried with him and I am tired. I feel like his mother. He wants to drop out next week and get his GED and join the army. W/E.We live in a two bedroom apartment. I pay half the rent and help my mother and pay everything for my brother. I stopped after a while because dammit he's 16 ( shiot I was working since 13 getting paid under the table, paying for all my things and giving up rent money.) already and he can get a job but he doesn't want to and my mother feels that if she is nice to him he will do better so she pays everything for him now. He has anger problems thats another thing. So I have been sharing a room with my insane mother for about 4 years. I haven't had my own space or privacy for 4 years. MY brother has his own room and yet I pay half the rent.
So Im working for this nice place making good money and they are switching owners and bringing in their own people so I'm outta there. But I have a back up job lined up, so Im ok but the thing is I don't have a car and it's half an hour from my apartment. My aunt lives next to the new job but my poor aunt is like me. She helps my mother with money as well and with my case of a brother, and she lives with her husband, her two kids and just took in our grandfather who was sick, so she made him a room and his him there too.
So I was going to move there to be close to my job and yet I don't want to do that to her. But my mother has a new bf and hes getting a house. So our apartment lease is up in feb and she was like Oh I hope so and so (her bf) gets the house before my lease is up.
I was like WTf? she's relying on this guy she just met a month ago to get a house so she could move in with him and the extra room at his house goes to my brother. Then I said what about me? She said well your getting an apartment with your roommate. And i said well what if that doesnt work? she said well then move in with your aunt or something...
WTF?
I'm just so tired. there's so many issue and drama and I'm tired. I hate the fact that I have been put into a position to be an adult so young. I know I'm already 19 and should not have to depend on my parents but it's different when your parents depend on you.
My mother is like if I lose this job you will have to work tow jobs to help me while I look for another job...
Im so frustrated..I know I sound evil but i hate the fact my mother couldn't keep her legs closed and brought my brother and I into this world unprepared. I know I said it I'm sorry but it just makes me angry sometimes and you know I cant even introduce her to people sometimes. I am embarrassed of her sometimes. I know I sound horrible but damn. And I know I know that while I was a baby she struggled and wiped my ass but my god I am only one person and I feel like I can't do it anymore. You know..How am I supposed to get my life on track when I am constantly fixing my brothers and hers. I should have been in college already getting me associates and I am stuck working an 8-5 everyday and having no money. I feel like they are holding me back and I hate this. I could only do so much.
ok I'm done sorry had to vent.

[NiCoLe20]

i just seen a show like this on dr phil a while back lol.... the mom was always at home on the computer and wouldnt look for a job while her daughter had to pay the bills... dr phil told her to get of her a$$ and find one and was basically being real mean n nasty to her...but girl that sucks i wish i could help..

can u find a friend to move into the apartment w/ you when ur mom and bro leave and split the rent? that would be the best and easiest solution to ur problem right now... would they let you move in wit ur moms man? even if u did theyre probably would be problems and drama... try to see if a friend wit a car would move in a split the rent and see if they would split the car too...fill up the gas tank if u use it and stuff like that... or put a add in the paper to split an apartment.. i dont know what else to say it sucks i nkow .. but things get worse before they get better....

[tiki]

Wow, they are holding you back. You've gotta figure something out or she'll lean on you forever. I've heard so many stories like this, where it's a never-ending story.

Open communication is key. Form a plan and stick to it. Your mom's got to learn to fend for her own. What is she teaching you?! I can't believe a mom would do this, but I guess there are some out there....obviously.

[EC]

Thanks thats what Im trying to do, but my apartment now is too far from my new job.

BUt the new job is with this girl who already works there who I am looking for an apartment with. Buts its hard to have money to put down when my mother is f*cking taking it all.

Man she stresses me out and then I swear she just looks at me and opens her mouth and I swear I hear violins start playing because its some new drama and some new money problem. She always does that Sh*t. She always starts crying and makes you feel pity for her until you solve her problem.

She just met this guy a month ago. I wouldn't move in there for free. I dont even know the guy. Poor guy lol. But my brother is a really bad kid. I don;t think it would be wise for her to move in there with my brother. My brother will scare him off. And thats if the guy gets the house.

If he doesn't get it by Feb then my mother has to renew the lease and then I can't move out because she can't afford it. We all can't move to my aunts house and my aunts husband doesn't like my brother.
BUt I can't stay either becasue my new job is so far that I need to move out.
So I feel like I cannot move on with my life because of them.

Im so stressed.

[tiki]

I hate that your mom's actions have to dictate your life. She needs to grow the hell up. And why doesn't she make your brother get a job??? I started working at 15! That may steer him clear of trouble? He can't drop out of h/s....it'd be different if he had to drop out b/c he was helping the family financially, but he's not even doing that!!! He just wants to sit on his ass, it sounds like.

You've got to lay down the law with your ma. Or keep supporting her yuck habits.

[Barby]

So have you explained this to the new girl you're looking for an apartment with? Does she know that if your mom's new "bf" doesn't come through and get them a house that you'll have to bail on her? Wouldn't want ya to drag someone else down cuz of all that drama...that would probably cause you more probs in the long run....

I would......

Tell your Mother that you are "SURE" (as long as you are) that you're moving out, no question, to be closer to your job....tell her she has three options..

1) her man gets the house..she moves there.

2) she takes an ad out/looks for a room-mate to come in and help her with the lease.

3) she puts your brother to work to help her pay the bills.


You're too young to have all this stress and i'm sorry but you have to be the one to cut yourself off from all this...only you can be the one to control where your money goes and how much..

Though they are your family obviously and when your close family is in trouble it's only natural to want to be their protectors....but for your own sake you need to seperate yourself from this.

[EC]

Thank you guys...

I know I need to seprerate myself, but it's so hard.

I know my mother has issues she really does.

My brother is lazy he wants everything paid for. He goes to class and all he does is upset the teachers, gets expelled, and does't care about anything because he says hes going to get his GED and go the the AMRY. Oh yeah he has it allllll figured out. Im so upset.

My mother makes me so angry sometimes.

I just talked to her and told her she needs to sit down with me and talk everything out. Her response.."Do we have to do this today we have until Feb"

OMG I swear..did anyone see that move dirtier by the dozen or something like that and they called their brother Fed-Ex because they said the Fed-ex guy left him at the door. Thats me I swear. I was left at the door. I think my aunt and I are the only normal ones in my family.

and yes my friend knows the situation. But I think I am moving out regardless and telling my mother to go f*ck and to figure it out like she told me. I feel like saying well get a roommate or something.
The only issue is that I want to start college because I haven't and I feel like a dummy when ever they ask if I am going to school, and I have to respond no. They look at me like I am a loser but they have no idea of the situation. Then my bf goes to FSU and is getting his business degree with his perfect 4.0 freaking GPA and his parents are like when is you gf starting school...ahhh
If I move out though I will have to pay rent and save money for a car. I will be going to work with my roommate and living with her. I doubt she will lend me her car to go to school at night so I will be taking the bus to night classes.
I will be one stressed out girl!

[tiki]

I'd like to see your mom try to get a roommate that pays 1/2 the rent and shares a bedroom with her....no freakin way, man. No normal person will do that, and she expects you to? BS, if you're paying rent as an adult, you can atleast feel the positive repercussions of it. You deserve that much.

[Barby]

EC.......

W/out a doubt it will be hard for your Mom to find a room-mate who won't have their own room and you probably should go ahead and move out no matter what..maybe her BF can move in with her and your bro instead of getting a house?

I just talked to her and told her she needs to sit down with me and talk everything out. Her response.."Do we have to do this today we have until Feb"

My response would have been...either talk about it with me now or you can figure it all out on your own once I'm all moved out....

Gawd why are people so self centered??


You're going to go to school? That's so cool, I hope you're able to and even if it stresses you out at least you'll be doing something to help you further your career and future!

[EC]

Thank you guys.

I'm sorry I had to vent. I know I'm trying really hard to start school. I am a smart girl it's just my circumstances are well...restraining. I hope I can do the night school thing. It will take me a lot longer but I will manage.

I'm just learning from this you know. I'm learning unlike my mother I need to learn how to do things on my own and not think I have to rely on every guy to help me and stabilize me.

It's sad that at her age I am more stable then she is and that she still thinks with a 15 year old mentality. I know she's been through, more than I think I could've handled at her age but even still.....

Ugh I need to win the lotto. lol

[Elmo]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd
Thank you guys.

I'm sorry I had to vent. I know I'm trying really hard to start school. I am a smart girl it's just my circumstances are well...restraining. I hope I can do the night school thing. It will take me a lot longer but I will manage.

I'm just learning from this you know. I'm learning unlike my mother I need to learn how to do things on my own and not think I have to rely on every guy to help me and stabilize me.

It's sad that at her age I am more stable then she is and that she still thinks with a 15 year old mentality. I know she's been through, more than I think I could've handled at her age but even still.....

Ugh I need to win the lotto. lol

No you definately do not need to win the lotto!

You can't throw money at poverty and bad choices.

You have to be smart...And you sound very smart.

It sounds horrid, but you've just got to bail on this situation. Just get out. Get 2 or 3 crap jobs. Rent a gross 1 room apt. Live in a rooming house. JUST. GET. OUT.

Then...and only then will you change the dynamics of this family. Perhaps then, you can start to help

If your Mom and bro are thrown on the street...They will have to figure out their future. I'm concerned with yours, right now.

It is called detaching. You must get a bit of distance from these two. It does not mean you hate them. It just means that you think you are worth saving...

After you are saved....you can help them. Not before.

Think about it.

I've been in your position. It is very hard. Very. Still, it was the best thing I ever did.

Sometimes you just have to get the guts and do what is best for yourself. Maybe your bro will learn something from this. It would be a gift for him.

[EC]

Thank you Elmo.

I have realized that I can't continue like this and I do need to fix me before I fix them because if not it's going to be one long huge pattern.

I mean you don't know the things I have been through with them.
I even worked right after HS as manager of a Little Ceasars, got a raise and saved money for my car. I finally bought my piece of crap car and paid 1,500 for an hundai excel ( i think thats the spelling) but then I was robbed at gun point at the store and I had to quit. And so the car sat there while I looked for jobs and I didnt have money to switch the title on it or get insurance on it so my mother gave it away.
She gave it away!! No money nothing. I mean I'm over it now, that was a year ago and her friend was a single parent taking the bus to work everyday and so once I heard the story I wasn't as angry but I was mad because I needed that car to start school and get a better job that I could actually drive to and not walk to.

But w/e. I have some saved up money and with this new job I will be making a very decent amount, plus commission. I called a family meeting this Sat with my aunt ( the only other normal one in the family and my mother to try to figure out what will happen about the whole moving situation. All I know is that I'm gone and I am saving myself.

[Elmo]

Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd
Thank you Elmo.

I have realized that I can't continue like this and I do need to fix me before I fix them because if not it's going to be one long huge pattern.

I mean you don't know the things I have been through with them.
I even worked right after HS as manager of a Little Ceasars, got a raise and saved money for my car. I finally bought my piece of crap car and paid 1,500 for an hundai excel ( i think thats the spelling) but then I was robbed at gun point at the store and I had to quit. And so the car sat there while I looked for jobs and I didnt have money to switch the title on it or get insurance on it so my mother gave it away.
She gave it away!! No money nothing. I mean I'm over it now, that was a year ago and her friend was a single parent taking the bus to work everyday and so once I heard the story I wasn't as angry but I was mad because I needed that car to start school and get a better job that I could actually drive to and not walk to.

But w/e. I have some saved up money and with this new job I will be making a very decent amount, plus commission. I called a family meeting this Sat with my aunt ( the only other normal one in the family and my mother to try to figure out what will happen about the whole moving situation. All I know is that I'm gone and I am saving myself.

Hey E. C.

I SO get what you are going through. My mother would not sign for me to get a drivers license when I was 16, so I had to walk 4 miles to a donut shop and walk back at 2 a.m. Got raped, of course. At gun point.

Do I blame her? No. I don't think I ever did. She had her own sad issues.

I think my situation was a bit more dire than yours. I had no option but to ditch those who were not looking out for me.

Well, I know I'm just on an internet msg. board...but I care about you. And, I know you need to just bail out. Sometimes you just can't "save enough money". Sometimes, you just have to hit the road, with little in your pocket. It is scary.

Have you looked into the social services in your area? What the heck...look into it.

Please, just get away from that stuff. You deserve so much more.

[Stone]

I know you are upset with your brother, but I am sure he feels the effects of this to and you should try to be there for him, I think the best thing for him is to go in to the army.

[EC]

UPDATE!

Yeah so My brother was suspended from school yesterday for 2 weeks. So now he gets to stay home and pick his nose. Not like he was doing much at school anyways. He back talked a teacher and when I asked him why he said because he's dropping out anyways and doesn't care anymore.

It breaks my heart. Especially since he is so smart. Incredibly smart. And he has such talent and potential. He make beats. As is like music beats for songs and such and he's actually really good at it but he thinks that he doesn't need school and that one day someone will just hear him and he will be famous. I mean I support his dream but I'm telling him he needs to have a back up plan.

My mother is a nut and has no clue. It's sad so I had to get online last night and I found him this survivor school. For kids that are failing and going no where. For kids that have given up but I think you need a criminal record to get in. I'm just so frustrated.

But the good news is I got my apartment!!!! We are putting 30,000 down and buying it and we sign the contracts today! Nice two bed two bath, gym, pool, sauna everything. It's perfect. I can't wait. I'm move out in January and then w/e they decide is there problem.

I will be there for my brother but I mean how much can you really help someone that does not want to be helped and who thinks they already at 16 have everything figured out? I was trying to sit back and think of when I was in high school and I was messing up what changed me? I was talking back, I didn't care either, I wanted to drop out, I smoked pot, and I really didn't care. I couldn't remember what turned me around. But then I remembered I fell in love lol. It was my first love and my whole world changed. I didn't make it to the real graduation but I walked my a$$ 5 miles everyday in the summer and graduated in the summer with the rest of the pot heads lol. Really depressing for me but I got it done. But my brother is just a mess.

I know it's not his fault. He never had a father and my mom alone well as you can tell I don't want to say unfit mother, but she's just not all there. I'm just waiting on a miracle.