Two months ago, I told my best female friends that I was in love with her. Well I didn't actually tell her, I sent her a letter explaining my feelings. Yeah, I know that's crappy. I told her everything I had been holding back for a while. I also told her that I had to stay away from her, for my own sanity. (she is in a relationship with an old acquaintance of mine) I did not expect a response from her and I didn't receive one. I'm not going to lie, it's sucked not having her in my life. I miss her madly. Well she left me a short voice message the other day. She asked why I have not called at least called her. She said she misses me. I want to see her but I don't think I can just be her friend anymore. I want so much more. I feel if I resume my relationship with her, I will never get over her. I guess I have just answered my question, but what should I do? Doesn't she understand how hard it is for me? I just need an outsiders opinion. Thanks
When I thought I fell in love with my best guy friend, and found out that he was started dating one of my best female friends, I backed away from the friendship with him. I went out of town for a few weeks, I got a new job so I'd work longer hours and not be sitting at home missing him, and I cut all contact with him. It was hard, he didn't understand, but after six months, I was finally able to be his friend again. He's now married to that girl, and both of my relationships suffered with them because of my six-month-retreat, but all in all, things are as they should be now.
Get some space, take some time away. It may be hard for her to comprehend, but you need to think about whats best for you.
If you don't think you can be just friends with her, don't try. It could set you back even further. You can tell her that you wish her the best and, again, you just can't be friends.
I agree with the others. It's best you stay away for your own sake. I've been through it myself. I didn't realize it but I had developed feelings for one of my closest friends. He always treated me as a kid...always trying to watch out for me and stuff. I'm sure he could tell I had feelings for him, but he told me he liked one of my other friends and wanted to know what he should do. It was the hardest thing, believe me. I gave him my suggestions very sincerily, but then distanced myself from him. It was really hard...especially when he'd ask me why I avoid him, or when he'd tell me how brave I am. But trust me, it worked. It took a while, but I got over my feelings.
Ever since you sent her that letter, you are done being just her friend.
You need to get busy. First thing you need to do is expect to crash and burn. This will prepare you if you fail. The next thing to do is the most important! Talk to her! Not on the phone, but see her, and lay it on the line. (Keep in mind the crash and burn thing)
When you have nothing to lose, it's a whole different game. What is the worst thing that can happen?
This may seem harsh, but it's all about perspective. Look at things from her point of view. You told her how you feel, but then you cut yourself off from getting an answer. I understand that you think because she is in a relationship with someone else, you don't stand a chance. But isn't that decision up to her? I am pretty sure that unless she has a ring on her finger, her mind isn't made up. Women are beautiful and strange creatures. Do not assume you know what she is thinking, my god man, if you do that you will fail every time.
If you have told her how you feel, you need to follow up on it, and repair any damage you have done by ignoring her.
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