So I'm reading my new book, "He's Just Not That Into You" and one of the "mantras" is that girls should never 1. call guys and 2. ask guys out. The authors' hypothesis is that, if a guy is into you, HE will call YOU. (Men like the thrill of the hunt etc. !)
What are your thoughts: Should women never call / ask men out?
I do not agree with that mantra at all. I mean, are we in the 13th century here? I have been asked out on dates by women (and yes, they paid!). I know it's not the norm, but honestly, I believe there's nothing wrong with a woman asking out a guy. As a matter of fact, I'm very flattered if a woman does it...
Originally posted by Dakini
So I'm reading my new book, "He's Just Not That Into You" and one of the "mantras" is that girls should never 1. call guys and 2. ask guys out. The authors' hypothesis is that, if a guy is into you, HE will call YOU. (Men like the thrill of the hunt etc. !)
What are your thoughts: Should women never call / ask men out?
(Both male and female responses welcome!)
Yes, I would agree with above but only in initial stages of dating. After you've been out 4 or 5 times and established mutual attraction it is OK for girl to call and ask guy out.
In my experience when a woman has asked me out I will go out with her but it usually does not work cause it feels funny.
I think some women take it a little too far and pursue guys who .. "just aren't into them". And that a mantra of that kind would probably be good for them. But pursuing some guys moderately is perfectly fine, if you can let it go if it doesn't work right away.
I've dated men who were shy and not willing to make the first move.
I usually limit how much I call, in the intial stages, but I think that the idea that women can't ask men out is an out-dated concept. I think probably older men would feel less comfortable if the woman asks you out, but younger guys seem to like it.
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not calling will work with some guys, but probably not with the ones i'd be into.
it seems contrived - as if you have to do is follow rules a, b and c to get your man.
i don't play games. any man i was with would have to be the same and if he needed his ego boosted by the thrill of being the hunter he'd probably be wrong for me.
i like them to know what they want and i don't expect them to feel emasculated when i know what i want.
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I'm an old-fashioned girl. I used to pursue guys a lot when I was in high school, but after I got my heart broken a couple years back I made a promise to myself to let the guys pursue me. My best guy friend is the one who encourages me to wait for a guy to call me, and ask me out. I almost fell off the wagon, but he reminded me that if the guy I was interested in thought I was worth it, he'd make the first move. I've been told that when girls ask guys out that he'd perceive her as desperate or easy. I'm not sure how true that is though.
I think that its ok to call guys. Though, I am a little shy when it comes to making phone calls. And if asking guys out is something you're 100% comfortable with, then go for it.
By the way, how is that book? I heard about it from some people at my church.
If you want a 'traditional' marriage with a 'traditional' guy, then follow the old-fashioned rules. If you want a man who considers you a partner rather than a helpless littly fluffy thing, then he should not be worried or threatened by you expressing interest or calling him.
That book is about women who pursue men who aren't interested at all but calling someone or asking him out when you don't yet know each other hardly qualifies as that.
As far as the "Girl Calling vs. Guy Calling" issue goes, or better yet, the guy having to make the initial moves, etc., I believe both concepts are rather silly.
Sure, there are those guys who will not interpret your initiation as being a good thing. Those guys may see you as easy, or desparate. To be honest though, I think that would really speak volumes to the type of person he really would be - a judgemental, narrow-minded, and closed-in-perspective type.
Hey, if a girl approaches me that I think is intelligent, honest, desirable (for me) and warm in demeanor, then WHY would I consider this a negative thing?
The problem that I see these days, is that there are so many women (and I suppose men also) that are into games, rules, etc., that it is hard to really sift through the bullshxt and find who is real. Sometimes, one can get tired of this fantasy-world/drama school type behavior.
If a guy is approached by a "decent" girl whom he is attracted to, and he dimisses her because he didn't get to chase her, then what kind of a mentality is he exhibiting?
What could be more flattering to a guy, than to know that a girl is interested enough in him, that she is willing to break down that traditionalist, self-perpetuating paradigm?
If she approaches him, and she is not taken up on her offer, then clearly he was not into her. WE, as guys deal, with it all the time. It's not the end of the world.
Think outside the box folks!
Curt
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If you want to sit at home on a saturday night waiting for a phone call, then by all means follow that advice. I think its silly these days and way too old fashioned. I'm going to think a girl is "easy" or "desperate" by her words, clothing and actions not just that she asked me out or whatever. Just because some women over do it (just as some men do) doesn't mean you should be timid about expressing your interest.
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If a guy is approached by a "decent" girl whom he is attracted to, and he dimisses her because he didn't get to chase her, then what kind of a mentality is he exhibiting?
What could be more flattering to a guy, than to know that a girl is interested enough in him, that she is willing to break down that traditionalist, self-perpetuating paradigm?
If she approaches him, and she is not taken up on her offer, then clearly he was not into her. WE, as guys deal, with it all the time. It's not the end of the world.
Think outside the box folks!
Curt
Listen Curt, you are totally wrong here. Usually what I have seen is that the attractive girls don't approach men cause they have so many men chasing them already. The women that do approach men are the desperate fat ugly ones who cannot get a date cause no men approach them.
There are many reasons why things are the way they are. MOST women that are decent do not like to make the first move cause they feel uncomfortable AND they are smart enuf to know that many guys like to make the first move.
uh ok...i have never ever asked a guy out cuz I've never had to..guys always make the first move..but there is this guy I really really like and we both seem to be interested but we are both so super busy(him more than me) and I dunno...for the first time ever..i am considering asking him do "do something over xmas break"..i'm not easy or desperate..OR UGLY OR FAT! but i really like this guy and want to get to know him better..i don't understand where you are coming from alphamale...i don't understand how that makes me despertae or easy..or a loser
Originally posted by Scarlett_girl
uh ok...i have never ever asked a guy out cuz I've never had to..guys always make the first move..but there is this guy I really really like and we both seem to be interested but we are both so super busy(him more than me) and I dunno...for the first time ever..i am considering asking him do "do something over xmas break"..i'm not easy or desperate..OR UGLY OR FAT! but i really like this guy and want to get to know him better..i don't understand where you are coming from alphamale...i don't understand how that makes me despertae or easy..or a loser
Sorry, I did not mean this as being all incompassing. It is just an observational generalizaiton from my own experience.
Instead of asking this dude out why don't you ask him if he'd like to take you out sometime.... something like
"Hey, Roger (or whatever his name is).... I heard of this new Italian restaurant that just opened up... I'd love it if you would take me to dinner there."
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