I have a similar situation than some of you. My boyfriend is severely addicted to porn and I am left without options. The first time cought him with porn it was not a big deal and so was the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and so on. I have known that he has been addicted to porn for almost two years now and i didn't care until now. About 2 months ago, I had been studying for a test and i come out of the bedroom and he is watching porn on my computer jerking off. He heard me open the refrigerator door and quickly put up his boxers. I asked him what he had been doing and he lied and said nothing. I stormed out of the house and went for a drive. WHen i came back he gave me the bullsh*it that our sex life is not great and that he is insecure with himself. blah blah blah. So we talked about the whole situation and i told him that i am not upset i just want him to be open with me and we can work through this together. If he had not lied and been disrespectfull enough to do it while i was in the next room than i would not have felt so disrespected. Then, about a week later i had to get a wisdom tooth pulled out and i was all drugged up on meds and could not drive. I asked him if he can take me to the supermarket that is only two blocks away and he said he was too tired to take me. So i drove while all messed up on meds to get myself some baby food and yogurt and I come home to a sink full of cum. While i ran to the grocery store he had been jerking off to porn, meanwhile he said he was too tired and i could have risked my life driving. I approached him again and he denied the incident for a second time. He told me that he did not know what i was talking about and it was not until i said "you can't lie to me i saw it in the sink", he admitted to it. I am starting to think he is a compulsive porn addict and a compulsive liar? Again he said he is embarrased and sorry, but he still continues to do it. I try and talk to him nicely about it and he agrees that we need to work together, but he still hides and does it. I iniciate sex most of the time. Our relationship is awesome we have so much fun together, but this is the only problem and i do not know what else i can do. I understand that men have to do this and for that matter people, but don't lie and hide when a significant other is reaching out to help. I am starting to feel like i am going to throw up everytime i see him and i don't want this to happen. I try to talk to him, but he is even embarrassed about, but he will do it? I do not understand. I am probably the most reasonable person anyone can talk to about anything, which people usually do and him, but he won't talk to me about this. I know this addiction runs in his family. Could that be it? Will he ever stop?
Our relationship is awesome we have so much fun together, but this is the only problem and i do not know what else i can do. I understand that men have to do this
Read what your wrote above. Your are making a mountain out of mole hill. I would suggest you to just accept it and lay down some rules that you both agree to.
See SURREALGRL1, he could be doing one of a multitude of things that are MUCH MUCH WORSE.
Be happy that the rest of your relationship is good.
You said you were without options. You're not without options. You have two. Personally I don't think you should have to accept it, but thats one option, the second one is, if it bothers you, then you need to get out of the situation. Tell him you wish him and his hand a nice lfe together. Another thing, you said was he told you that your sex like wasn't that great. Well now sounds like a cop out to me. An excuse for not doing the work that needs to be done to improve the realtionship, if he feels its not so great.
Okay, to me porn is not acceptable, UNLESS is mutually consented upon. To you, you've accepted it, so it must be ok. Now you're tired of it and it's not ok?
He is an addict. This doesn't lessen his addiction b/c it's porn, he's still an addict.
Give him an ultimatum. AKA, I cannot live with your addiction to porn. Lose it, fix it, or lose me. Then when he doesn't lose it or fix it, lose him. Keep your promises and don't send mixed signals. If you say you'll dump him if he doesn't stop, then DO IT.
Prepare for the worst. Be prepared for him to fail. Prepare to have to leave him.
Help him overcome this if you can, do whatever it takes within normal means.
I have my doubts that this guy will actually quit with his porn addiction. In your next relationship, please make sure that you're "porn compatible".
Oh, one more thing...paragraph spacing! You'd be amazed at the greater feedback you'd get if you spaced that huge paragraph...it's very hard to read.
__________________
"Well it’s time to go home
And I ain't even done with the night." JcM
Originally posted by tiki
Okay, to me porn is not acceptable, UNLESS is mutually consented upon
He is an addict.
Give him an ultimatum.
Be prepared for him to fail. Prepare to have to leave him.
Dear Tiki:
With all due respect the above comments sound like those from a 28 yr old. Your answer to this person will most likely be different when you are 10 or 15 yrs older.
Again, I am not attacking you here but just stating an observation on my part.
ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT PORN IS NOT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DO WOMEN ALWAYS MAKE SUCH A BIG ISSUE OFF OF THIS???????????/
__________________
Honesty isn’t a policy at all; it’s a state of mind or it isn’t honesty
*********************************************
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance
With all due respect the above comments sound like those from a 28 yr old. Your answer to this person will most likely be different when you are 10 or 15 yrs older.
Again, I am not attacking you here but just stating an observation on my part.
What is up with you and age? You are always suggesting with your comments that people under 38 don't know what they really want. that it will all change when they are older. that they have not experienced anything yet, which is not true for everyone.
The whole point of this forum, at least this is what i think ( a 21 year old that will probably think differently in 20 years), it's to see the different opinions depending on the age and gender of the person.
With all due respect the above comments sound like those from a 28 yr old. Your answer to this person will most likely be different when you are 10 or 15 yrs older.
Again, I am not attacking you here but just stating an observation on my part.
Alpha, I beg to differ. And how do you know that I'm 28? Are you following me around or keeping tabs? Find something or someone else to focus on, puuhhlease.
At almost 30, I'm sure I know what I want. I have had a relationship with pornography use and CHOOSE to not use it in my current relationship.
Why is that a problem for anyone, including YOU, alphie? If you want to start a new thread, do it. Don't rob hers.
I stick to what I said. She asked for opinions and I gave mine. Alphamale doesn't have to like my opinion. That's the beauty of it.
Originally posted by Honesty
What is up with you and age? You are always suggesting with your comments that people under 38 don't know what they really want. that it will all change when they are older. that they have not experienced anything yet, which is not true for everyone.
The whole point of this forum, at least this is what i think ( a 21 year old that will probably think differently in 20 years), it's to see the different opinions depending on the age and gender of the person.
IT IS CALLED DIVERSITY BUDDY!
Exactly! And I am adding to the diversity and giving you opinions from someone older and more experienced. See, as you get older you learn to look more at the big picture. If you have a fairly good relationship and one or two thing are bad in it that is OK becuase there are many (if not most) who have krappy relationships. This experiences comes for age and watching things happen to YOU, YOUR FAMILY and YOUR FREINDS over time.
I'm not cutting any one down here I am just saying as you get more experience and get older you will look at many things a bit differently.
It is not a matter of accepting it or not. He lies about it. He is sneaky about it. Which in turn makes me question if I can marry him. It is more so annoying. I know he is a little insecure with himself because i work in a nightclub and he fears that i will leave him. I have had relationships before and this is just bizzare. I have been with him for 3 years now and he is starting to change. I love him with all my heart, but he is starting to be sneaky. I have offered about 4 times to discuss and help him with this issue and he agrees to it, but then it is back at square one.
Unfortunately, there are several people on this board that are incapable of understanding the differences between a healthy personal life that includes porn and an unhealthy life that is completely dependent on porn. It's not the act of looking at pornography that is the problem - it's how the persons behavior is altered by this activity. Some aren't affected at all and can have healthy relationships while enjoying their personal time with pornography. However, there are some that are incapable of balancing the responsibilities of a relationship with their own personal choices. These are the cases when pornography is a problem and not just an innocent pastime.
Read about the role of the co-dependent in a porn addicts life. You can find many sources if you search google. The first step is understanding the role you play in his porn addiction - it's not what you think. It will help you understand how not to respond and how not to find yourself creating more of a problem than solving the problem.
Once you understand his mind set and you understand the role you play in this behavior you will be better equipped to approach the issue.
__________________
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
__________________
Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Originally posted by Honesty
What is up with you and age? You are always suggesting with your comments that people under 38 don't know what they really want. that it will all change when they are older. that they have not experienced anything yet, which is not true for everyone.
The whole point of this forum, at least this is what i think ( a 21 year old that will probably think differently in 20 years), it's to see the different opinions depending on the age and gender of the person.
IT IS CALLED DIVERSITY BUDDY!
Yeah! And I'm sure I can relate better to a 21 year old than a 38 year old, huh alpha?
Exactly! And I am adding to the diversity and giving you opinions from someone older and more experienced.
Yeah but not when you tell someone else that there opinion will probably difer in years to come. The thread has to with surrealgrl1 not with the way tiki thinks.
It would not be such a big deal if he would just tell the truth when i ask. Be a man about it. I am willing to do almost anything sexually. By no means am i prude, but I think he just has an addiction and I want to help him with it. He is not even discrete about it. I try to talk and he beats around the bush. I just do not know what else i can do.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
You are always suggesting with your comments that people under 38 don't know what they really want. that it will all change when they are older. that they have not experienced anything yet, which is not true for everyone. 
Linear Mode
