[hugznkisses21]

Is it really true that as a general rule of thumb that if your bf doesnt prpose to you by the 2 year mark there is a good chance he isnt going to and is stringing you alond....i was shicked when i read this.....I know a very very happy couple that were together 7 years before becomming engaged...her husband is just the type that finds change difficult and is a bit scared of commitment.....but they are soooooo happy together.............What r u thoughts on this...i read it in a another post and frankly im a bit lost !! im approching 2 years next summer......and my bf is a bit scared of commitment but none the less isnt afraid to show/tell me he loves me and make it be know...i dont think he will propse...we are also 22 and 24 so what r ur takes on this??

[Jilly10340]

This isn't true at all, at least not in my case. I was going out with a guy for two and half years before he proposed to me. Sometimes people just want to have things settled in their lives before taking that step. Sometimes people want to be out of school, have their own place, be financially stable, etc.

I wouldn't listen to the two year mark rumor too much.

[tiki]

I've only read it once where someone posted it. Chill, it's probably just their formed opinion. You know your own situation, no one else does. Sit tight and enjoy the ride.

[zara]

you are 22 and 24!! Good grief, find something else to think about besides getting married! Go travel, get a promotion, get some more 'me' time in before you become part of an 'us'. Seriously, you are far too young to worry about getting married any time soon.

[alphamale]

Yes hugznkizzes:

I posted that about the 2 yr rule. See you are still young but if you're seriously lookin to be married the person you're dating should propose by the 2 yr mark. Now if you are not too serious or want to live together and not get married or just date 4ever then it does not apply.

Basically, if both people are serious about marriage they should, on avg, get engaged within 2 yrs of starting dating.

So if you really REALLY want to get married and have communicated to your b/f and you're not engaged by 2 yr mark then it is time to jump ship or ca$h in your chips.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by tiki
I've only read it once where someone posted it. Chill, it's probably just their formed opinion.

BULL-ONEY it is my formed opinion. this 2 yr rule is what most relationship and dating experts agree to.

And it sounds OK to me, dating someone for 2 yrs gives you enuf time to get to know them and form a sound opinion AND it keeps you from wasting 10 yrs with someone who will never marry you.

Also, the 2 yr rule applies more the older you get. When you are 23 you have time to kill, but when you are 35 many are under the gun to get married.

[tiki]

Originally posted by alphamale
this 2 yr rule is what most relationship and dating experts agree to.

Then cite your sources AKA, PROVE IT.

Hugznkisses, please don't let some poster on a forum (that has no background in psychology or relationship expertise) set you off like this.

This is his formed opinion. He stated it--which doesn't mean he's right. And it doesn't mean it applies to every scenario.

Each relationship is unique. Take yours as it comes and don't worry about what ONE person says. It was the first time I'd heard the "BULL-ONEY" too.

[hugznkisses21]

ya i thought it was a bit bazzar too....since each relationship is different and people are at different points in their lives.

[morrigan]

Originally posted by zara
you are 22 and 24!! Good grief, find something else to think about besides getting married! Go travel, get a promotion, get some more 'me' time in before you become part of an 'us'. Seriously, you are far too young to worry about getting married any time soon.

My thoughts as well---enjoy being able to take care of yourself, not having to answer to anyone (hubby/kids) as far as vacations, finances, etc. I like having a visiting boyfriend better than the thought of a live in husband.

Hugznkisses, relax and have fun. I sure as hell wouldn't marry anyone I'd been dating only two years. But if you are ready to get married in another year or so, be honest about it with him.

[tiki]

Just don't let it get to you. We know merely nothing of what goes on in your relationship. It's hard to use a generalization like that when each relationship has it's own dynamic.

I think if you start to show a guy signs of demanding a marriage, it's easy to come across as desperate or pushy. Set a realistic time limit for yourself based on your relationship based on where you see yourselves in x months or x years. Then when he fails one that YOU'VE set, then kick him to the curb for sleeping on the job. I personally don't think it's after a magical two year mark.

[Jilly10340]

Well, my mom and her boyfriend dated for 10 years before they got married. My brother and his fiance just got engaged last week after dating for 4 or 5 years (and he's 27)

I have a degree in psychology and I have never heard of the two year mark, sorry.....

[alphamale]

Originally posted by hugznkisses21
ya i thought it was a bit bazzar too....since each relationship is different and people are at different points in their lives.

You will find the document below at LOVEADVICE.COM. Read para under "How Long Should it Take"


The Steps To Commitment


True Love leads to commitment in steps. The first step is stating your love to each other.
But how can you be sure that, when you hear "I love you," it's the real thing? Obviously, if the words are only murmured in moments of passion, they don't count. Even if spoken in the sober light of day, they don't mean much if the other Steps To Commitment (see below) aren't happening.


The Steps To Commitment

You begin dating every Saturday night.
You miss each other whenever you're apart.

You agree to make your relationship monogamous

You make future plans together.

You begin seeing each other all weekend and during the week as well.

You sleep together almost every night.

You're happy with your relationship 90 percent of the time.

You spend vacations and holidays together.

You give each other little gifts.

You meet each other's families.

You discuss finances.

You move in together.

You seriously discuss having children together, or not.

You start to acquire property together (anything from a VCR to a house) and co-mingle monies in some way.

You marry or make some other form of lifelong commitment to each other.


Few couples, of course, follow this sequence exactly. Some would never dream of moving in together before getting married. Nevertheless, these steps show how a typical sound relationship grows closer and progresses toward marriage. If your relationship is more or less following this pattern, it's healthy.

How Long Should It Take?

A typical and reasonable time to progress from meeting to marriage is two years. If your relationship has stalled somewhere along the progression or has slid backwards, you'd be wise to look for a cause. It's natural for relationships to progress. Conversely, it's very rare for both parties to remain satisfied with a partially-developed, uncommitted relationship which just goes on and on.


After You Commit, Protect Your Relationship

Once you've reached the commitment stage, stand together. Act as if you're husband and wife and it's the two of you against the world. Friends and family, not knowing him or her as you do, may subject your relationship to some buffeting.

Assuming he or she has passed all the checklists in "Qualifying Someone" with flying colors (if not, none of this applies!), forget other's opinions. Even well-meaning friends can plant seeds of doubt that can poison a new relationship if you let them. They don't necessarily understand what's best for you, and they often have their own agendas. Unconsciously, some would rather have you stay single as a drinking buddy or a girlfriend to go shopping with than see you happily settled down.

So ignore friends who say things like, "I'd let her know who's boss," or, "You can find someone better than him," or "Oh, I wouldn't put up with that." Who knows what your friend would really put up with for True Love?

Also, be cautious when introducing your new love to your family. Everyone's family has their own ideas of what's best for you, and they may not instantly take to him or her. Or vice versa. While your family may seem lovable to you, they may be off-putting or intimidating or otherwise hard for someone new to warm up to.

Expect some buffeting, share the surprises with a sense of humor, and make the commitment to stand by each other and protect your relationship no matter what. If you do, your love will endure.


Related Keywords: Commitment, Making Love Grow




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[tiki]

Originally posted by alphamale
Few couples, of course, follow this sequence exactly.
.
.
.
A typical and reasonable time to progress from meeting to marriage is two years. If your relationship has stalled somewhere along the progression or has slid backwards, you'd be wise to look for a cause.

Few, typical....okay, so not ALL. And look for a cause at this point, it doesn't mean you have to run like hell.

Some people are bad at commitments, others flock to them. I think it goes to show that each relationship is unique and individual. It cannot be categorized or generalized. And it's not a blanket law.

[blind_otter]

My sisters married their high school sweethearts. One pair has been together 17 years, the other has been together 16 years. They both waited until after college to get married, so they were together 8-9 years before marrying.

My parents were together for 3 years before marrying. They've been together 35 years.

[tanbark813]

I think the 2 year rule of thumb only applies to people who are open to the idea of marriage at the beginning of the relationship. If you get together when you're young, it may take several years before you're mature enough to begin thinking seriously about marriage. From that point it should then take two years.

Look at the steps in the "checklist". They're obviously tailored to adults who are already out in the real world. For example, "You discuss finances". If you're a college student, there's nothing to discuss.