Has anyone ever got the "i need space" thing and got back together?
I'm just wondering what my chances are. If I give my girlfriend the space she wants, is there a chance I can have her back? Has anyone ever actually done this?
Furthermore, has anyone ever been the one who wanted the "space" and gone back to their ex?
there is no official definition for the "i need space" BS line. I am sure some people actually mean it when they say it but others use it as a lame line to get out of a relationship instead of just getting the balls to say "I don't want to hang around you anymore"
With that said, there are cases I'm sure where people have got back together. As for you, I think the best thing for you to do is not wonder/worry about whether you will get back together if you give her what she wants. Nothing you can do will make up her mind in that way so no point in you worrying about it. For what it's worth, I hope everything (have no idea about your situation) works out for you and you will be happy.
ya know what? i dunno cause im the receiving end of that phrase so im just as confused as you are..on a break or whatever ya may want to call it. i dont think we should just sit here and wait. just move on as im tryin and concentrate on yourself..honestly i can tell ya that for the most part from my friends and other peeps ive talked to, taht usually it means they want space and will eventually return if thats what they want..but if not, then its pretty much over. sucks doesnt it? it depends on the break up..and relatinship to determine what the severity of each case is i guess but overall they just want space to sort things out cause they got cold feet, scared, suffocated, or jsut want to leave and try new things/people whatever it may be. all ya can do is give it time, and then tiem will tell..but dont be stuck in ur house as you will drive yourself crazy..hell im out all the time since my break up three weeks ago and i still think of her no matter where im at, but thats the pain associated with heartbreak unfortunatlely. there is always hope though!!
check this out.. when I seperated from my ex.. I was very clear to him that I was done with the relationship.. he however, couldn't believe that I was willing to give up "such a good thing" as he put it.. my only way to get him to leave the house was by telling him that I needed space.. Once he was gone..I quickly had the locks changed and had the remainder of his items delivered to him..
to this day.. and we have been divorced over 9 years now.. he still comments on how he thought we were getting back together.. even though I had clearly told him that I was done and finished with the relationship..
So I have to agree with the above.. its just a lame excuse to get rid of the person.
Re: Has anyone ever got the "i need space" thing and got back together?
Quote:
Originally posted by Intel
If I give my girlfriend the space she wants, is there a chance I can have her back?
Sure you can have her back but when she ask for space you give her LOTS AND LOTS of space. As in you don't talke with her for a month or two, no emails, no contact at all. Then she will start to miss you and come back to you and the make up sex will be great.
Now, when you are apart you must work on making yourself #1 and bettering yourself in some way. Like starting to work out or start a new hobby or chase some new women. Anything to make yerself feel good.
My boyfriend said he needed space when he broke up with me. We didn't see each other every day, but we talked often if we didn't see each other, and he didn't have enough time to himself. We were going to stay friends eventually, and I backed off to give him the time and space he needed, and started pursuing my own interests. Eventually he started to miss me, and we worked on the compromise to see or talk less often. He needs the opportunity to miss me, and I him, or else our relationship stagnates and we start to fight. It's amazing how often I see people on these boards say things like, "We spent every single day together and talked on the phone eight times a day, so I can't figure out why he'd leave me!!"
That boggles my mind. Why you have to talk to ANYONE eight times a day is beyond me. Everyone needs time to themselves and time away from people, or else they start to feel stifled. There are some people who are codependent on each other and claim to like to spend every waking moment together, but I don't think it's healthy. And then there are times when you just don't know what you want, and need some breathing room to consider it.
My boyfriend and I get along wonderfully now, and when I can tell that he's getting into a mood I back away. He always comes back around again. So yes, you can get back together with someone, and it's not always a line if they say they need space. Just make sure that that's the real reason, and do NOT push.
That boggles my mind. Why you have to talk to ANYONE eight times a day is beyond me. Everyone needs time to themselves and time away from people, or else they start to feel stifled. There are some people who are codependent on each other and claim to like to spend every waking moment together, but I don't think it's healthy.
Ahhh....some very wise and insightful comments Sad&Lonely. My idea of seriously dating someone is to see them maybe twice a week and maybe talk on the phone a few times a week.
I see many people that are younger, <25, that think dating means being together 24x7x365. NO, this is not the way it works. By the time you hit 40 yrs old you have so much krap going on in yer life you are lucky to see your S.O. maybe once or twice a week, assuming you are not living togethr or married.
These people who get into relationships and spend every waking moment with their S.O. and drop their interests and life and friends make me sick to my stomach. Most of them are insecure losers who make their S.O. the center of their universe.
You guys all make really good points. I guess I just don't understand how my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years can NOT miss me right now. We saw eachother about 3 or 4 times a week but it was by no means 24/7 contact. Just a couple of weeks ago, her car broke down so she wasn't going to be able to see me for like 4 days and she goes "but I'm not going to see you until Friday?" It doesn't make sense. I missed her the second she told me that she didn't want to be together and it's been 4 days of hell. Is she ever going to think about me and think about what she's doing? Or ultimatly question whether or not she's made a mistake?
She also said that she didn't feel like she loved me anymore. But how can she say that if she's never been away from me? How can she say that she doesn't love me if she hasn't had her "space" to think about whether she really does or not?
Originally posted by Intel
it's been 4 days of hell. Is she ever going to think about me and think about what she's doing? Or ultimatly question whether or not she's made a mistake?
She very well might, but you need to get a grip. Although I know it SEEMS like a long time, four days really isn't that long. When my boyfriend and I broke up, he asked that I not call him for a week, which I respected. I thought for sure that he had gotten over me, because he got wishy washy, said he didn't know how he felt (he wasn't dating anyone; he's not a typical guy, and was just hanging around at home playing video games) about me anymore, and said he'd be over me by the time the week was up. So he called me. I played it cool, continued to pursue my own interests, and eventually he started to come around. It took a month, but even that's pretty fast when you think about it in hindsight. When the truth all came out, it turns out that he never stopped loving me, he certainly did NOT get over me at all, much less within a week, and he was very upset about the breakup, but just felt he needed time to himself and time apart to make sure this was what he wanted. In MY mind he was celebrating, throwing parties, looking for girls, etc. In other words, I blew it totally out of proportion.
So back off, cool down, do some things you really like, and vent to other people if you need to, preferably trusted friends or family. But don't push her, and don't assume that everything is how she portrays it. When hurting we tend to protect ourselves by putting on facades. But don't expect anything, either. Just pursue your own happiness.
Re: Has anyone ever got the "i need space" thing and got back together?
Quote:
Originally posted by Intel
I'm just wondering what my chances are. If I give my girlfriend the space she wants, is there a chance I can have her back? Has anyone ever actually done this?
Furthermore, has anyone ever been the one who wanted the "space" and gone back to their ex?
What's weird is that my boss' wife did the same thing to him a couple of years ago. They were engaged, and living together and out of no where she tells him she doesn't want to see him again and that she doesn't love him anymore...feels like they're just friends and nothing else.
He said that he didn't try talking to her or anything and about a week later she started calling him and he just didn't pick up the phone. He let that go by for about another week and finally he picked up the phone and said "what do you want?" She asked him why he didn't answer and express her interest in being friends. He told her, "You made your decision". But a according to him, he just played hardball for about another week or so and they eventually got back together and they're now married.
Not that his situation totally encapsulates mine, but everytime I tell him something about my situation, he goes "that sounds familiar" or "It's like deja vu". I know it's not healthy to hold out hope that my girlfriend will come back to me, but by the same token, I miss her so much and I don't really want anyone else but her.
Originally posted by hurtingandconfused
My friend that is young love. Being together 24/7 is part of the learning process. You shouldn't criticize other people for their mistakes.
Dear H&C:
I know people that are 45 years old that are clingy losers that become another appendage of the people they date. Usually it drives their new love interest away.
i have been on both sides of your question, and unfortunately when some-one say`s they need space or time on there own it normally means their not happy with the relationship, or they have found some one else and are
uncertain about whether to break up or not.
if you love her, try and speak to her about the real reason she needs time or a break, and if you do give her some slack just see what happens, because if she does love you she will be in contact with you all the time, i know this
because i went through it.
My husband has been cheating on me since April and I left him in early November. It's been a month now since we are separated. At first, he called me in tears and begged me to go back. I refused. But now, he is telling me that he feels better this way being left with more space and time by himself so he can figure out who/ what he wants. He calls me 3/ 4 times a week and maybe see each other once or twice. I try to hold back intimacy because I need to make him realize he has hurt me deeply and he needs to respect me and to make an effort if he wants to save our marriage, not by words but by actions. I must say that meanwhile I feel good keeping our relationship like this at this point. He can have as much space as he wants and I am not pushing a bit. He is also not pushing too hard but he still keeps calling me and probably still speaks to the OW. Even though I talk to him I remain nice and kind but I have drawn the boundary by no longer discussing anything intimate with him nor do I pick up his phone calls all the time. I never call him. I want him to realize that I am not an object that he can have anytime he wants. I certainly don't feel I should be committed to him anymore.
I am the one who left him because he is cheating on me. In my case, I made the decision to move out so if he really wants to get me back I need to see actions and changes, even though he feels good with the kind of space and time he has now. I am not expecting much about getting back together. I only think it is a good period of time not only for me, but for him, to think about whether we are right for each other. I am using this period to observe and feel because only time can tell and I believe what I will feel will be the answers I am looking for making the right decision.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
the i need space thing
Linear Mode
