[torontonian]

In a nutshell, my fiancee and I called off our engagement in the summer as he was going out a lot, and getting very drunk very often. I have always felt he has a drinking problem. He admitted it and promised to change. Well, in 6 months has hasn't changed enough, it has improved but not enough. Still has lots of times when he is very drunk, recently had an episode of three times in one week, etc. I have called off our engagement again and told him I will absolutely not continue with him if he does not go to counseling and resolve these issues. I am scared and nervous now. I love him dearly, and don't want to leave him, but I think I will have to in order to preserve myself. I have alcoholic family members who I have told him all about, yet he continues to drink. He once made a big point of throwing out wine glasses and getting rid of all the booze in his apartment and told me he didn't need to drink. Well, all those glasses have been replaced. I would really appreciate some input.

[johan]

I agree you shouldn't have to put up with it. You're doing the right thing. I hope he listens to you and makes serious changes. Throwing out the wine glasses was a nice bit of drama. Now you know to look for something more substantial.

[greenlove]

I had the same drinking problem with my boy look

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t47752/

All I can really say is that I kept wanting to change him but like someone in that forum said he has to want to change - though a little nudge won't hurt right. I think you should make him go to an AA meeting or give him some kind of ultimatum. Leaving him for awhile might make him smarten up a little.

Sorry to hear about your situation, hopes it works out.

[magda]

You might be able to force someone to go to AA but you can't force them to work the steps.

I suggest attending Al Anon yourself - that is for people with alcoholics in their lives, whether they are in the program or not. His seeing you making this step yourself might help him to realize what pain he's causing in your life and will also surely give you a lot of insight into what you can do if and when he does decide to fix his problem.

[alphamale]

Some women love "saving" alcoholic bad-boyz. Don't make that mistake cause it will be a losing battle. Save yer life 'n sanity now and leave him forever so that he can be with his real mistress, booze.

[Debster]

I think deep down you know what you need to do. The fact that you called off the engagement says it all.
You know this is not the type of husband you want. You know that this is not the type of life you want.
Get out of it and find someone who can be the kind of husband you want.
Good luck.

[torontonian]

So many things have to be done. I have to cancel everything. He calls me as if everything is normal and I will forgive him in a few days, like I always have. I believed in him and tried to make it work. Now I am so disappointed, and angry with him and myself. I am anticipating all the cancellations, the discussion with family and friends, his family will probably try to convince me otherwise, etc. etc. I know all this is better than an unhappy marriage. I guess I'm just so sad right now! And I will have to go through it.

[Debster]

How many plans were already made?
I know it will be hard work and frustrating telling people and cancelling things but it is much better than a horrible marriage or going through a divorce.
My heart goes out to you.

I used to live in Toronto - some places can be very good if you need to cancel.