hi all.. i've been so confused and caught up I turned to the internet...
about 3 months ago I fully fell in love with a girl @ my school, she's in the year level below.. at the time she was with a boyfriend 17 years old.. i'm year 10.. she's year 9... I kept it from her that I liked her for a while... I'd never seen her outside of school.. my friend had a party, she came.. I danced with her heaps.. and so did my best friend.. and this time she was still with her boyfriend and was being backstabbed a lot as people didn't understand what she was going through... I got to know her more after this as I share one class with her at school.. We chatted a lot.. she had a lot of problems in her life.. (sexual abuse, rape, parent problems)... I was overwhelmed.. She was telling me that she was never smiling for real and always putting it on at school.. I built up the courage and told her I liked her over the net (instant messager kinda thing).. I didn't have enough guts to do it face to face.. She was overwhelmed and was flattered.. I was not the first to like her.. She was still with her boyfriend.. We kept talking and kept up the hugs, etc. She was telling me of how she no longer had feelings for her boyfriend of 8 months but was scared to break up as he was the only one there when she was raped... She finally broke up with him, I was trying to be there the whole time for her.. She called me up straight after she broke up with him.. she was crying... I just reassured her it was ok, etc... In the next week I found out my best friend (one that danced with her @ the party) liked her too.. OMG!.. it wasn't a shock but it pissed me off that he hadn't told me earlier.. Up to this point i'd always hanged out with this girl at school and sat with her.. we drifted and everything got complicated... After breaking up with her bf she got really depressed as he got extremely angry... Recently she was contemplating suicide.. me and her friends all helped her through it ... she's become friends with her boyfriend again and is now wanting him back... ... I want to get over her soo bad and just be the best of friends.. BUT I CANT!... everytime I see her I just wanna hold her in my arms and never let go, she'll give me signals sometimes she likes me.. But I dont know if she really wants me... I cant getta straight answer out of her, my friends say she's just leading me on.. but I can't see it... I read her a poem the other day @ school on a bench, just me and her.. It was about me not wanting her to kill herself.. I almost cried on the last sentance, she was emotional too.. we were soon interupted by a random friend and the moment ended... I dont know what to do or how to go on ... I can't stop thinking of her every second of my day and what's she doing with her life.... I want to know exactly how she see's me but i'm so afraid to ask... I just want to see her in my eyes as a awesome friend and not the person I want to lay down and just dream with... arghh I dont know what to feel...
any comments/suggestions would be AWESOME! thanks
Just and extra point I wanted to add to that whole story
- A reason I think I want this girl so bad is that i'm 16.. never had a girlfriend, and up until now it's been by choice (i'm not that bad :P)... Now i've gotten to the stage where I feel so much affection but with noone to give it too.. I"ve seen here and seen how awesome of a person she is and latched on... Does this sound reasonble?
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