To everyone who read and replied to my first post “friends with benefits” here’s the follow up:
I lost my virginity.. and well we didn’t have sex all the way, but we tried and after there was blood. So considering that society deems being a virgin as still having your hymen intact mines isn’t anymore and I figure that means I’m not a virgin.
He was incredibly sweet and seemingly sincere, the pain was too much and that’s why he stopped. It’s not the first time we’ve tried this but it is the first time in a long time. The foreplay was awesome though. His kisses were intense and wonderful, his lips were soft and delicious, more amazing than I had remembered. The former player broke his own rule of “not having sex or kissing unless he’s intimately in love” to kiss and try to sex me.
Now I’m even more confused..
I can’t stay away from him because he’s my best friend for so many reasons and I wish this could work out.. and staying away won’t put these feelings to an end... I don’t know what it all meant, we cuddled a lot as well; some time during the intense foreplay he just held me really closely and didn’t let go for a really long time. I felt safe and fulfilled just being there our bodies entwined so hotly together. Is it that the foreplay was so good that he did all the things he did or could it be that he’s concealing some intimate feelings as well???
He’s the most confusing most complex guy I’ve ever met and I need some kind of answers..
I told him “I really like you and this life is so twisted I could possibly have any other guy that I barely try for except the one that I really want” and he said “V we discussed this you know we can’t be BF and BF right” but I don’t know and I don’t understand…
I feel like such a looser I always thought I was smarter than this..
Please help …
I think he is taking advantage of the nice, caring, sweet person that you are. He is taking advantage of the friendship you share together. This guy sounds like the king of all jerks and you really do not need to put up with it. I understand the pain you are in now it took me 8 years to get over my first love who took my virginity.
The only thing I can say that may help you is to cut all contact from him. He doesn't even deserve to be your friend. Good luck to you and hang in there.
You're not a loser. It's hard to back up and view something from a cool perspective when you have a lot of emotions invested in someone. It also is hard to get back to being just friends with someone once you've had sex with them.
You want to have more than just a friendship/sexual relationship with this man. Apparently, whatever his reasons, he does not want to become involved in a relationship with you. He may be great sexually, but he isn't going to give to you emotionally. There are other guys out there who would want to date you and be your friend as well.
You can continue to be intimate with this man, but go into it realizig that he probably won't change his mind about dating you. But if you wanted a real relationship with him, or you just feel uncomfortable about what is going on between you two, you should stop having sex with him and make it clear to him what you want.
Foreplay and cuddling can feel incredibly good and powerful even if one or both people don't have the strong, committed feelings behind it. That's your hormones, and body, and 10 million years of evolution talking to you. Like all/most women, you are made to respond to a man's touch. Please don't confuse that with "LOVE".
This guy is definitely a player/user. Keep in mind, almost all players are physical, seductive, charming and attractive at many levels. They have to be to get to be players. Either that or be powerful/prestigious figures like move stars, sports heroes, president of the USA, etc.
Quote:
He may be great sexually, but he isn't going to give to you emotionally. There are other guys out there who would want to date you and be your friend as well.
Well put, so I'll rubber stamp that.
You're not a loser, because you're asking for help and we're giving it. Get him out of your life ASAP, to protect your own emotional health. And if you can't do that, you MUST use a condom whenever his penis gets anywhere near your genitals. He might tell you it's not necessary, but trust me, it is.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
Thank you EVERYONE for all the advice, I really appreciated it and it’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone and that there are so many faceless, wonderful, kind people who are willing to take time off from their busy lives to help heal a broken heart. God forever bless and protect you all.
Strangely losing my virginity has made me stronger somehow and now I feel like I can better understand and accept this situation. It’s liberating; yet still there’s a flicker of regret when I think about how much it meant to me. I thought I’d lose my virginity on a perfect night, dancing and kissing and expensive champagne. There’d be soft music and a big full moon outside. Fluffy white sheets and lots and lots of laughter. But this existence isn’t always as sweet as we hope it to be.
I remember a time not so long ago when life was so much simpler, when every wish had the power to come true and holding hands meant so much, when true love still existed. But where did it all go? Was it just another illusion in my fairy tale mind? I believed in destiny and that somewhere there was someone waiting just for me. Yet, now it seems like every one is all consumed with money, sex and power. Where did all the passion go? Whispering sweet nothings and dancing in the rain.
He never cared for me; it’s always up and leave, always another girl, always broken promises. He got up and sat in front the television as if I meant nothing, as if I wasn’t even there. I felt so alone and shattered after I realized I had lost innocence and all I wanted was to be held, to hear him say he loves me. But how could I even want this? It’s just like another stuffy board meeting, everyone’s there for a purpose, life isn’t a sweet sentimental cliché. I know I must accept this fate and learn to build my dreams on a concrete mind, destroy these emotions that cause me pain.
This is where it all happens I can either let this situation break me or rise above it all. I know I have the potential to do and be great things, if only I focus more of my time and energy on more important things. But when I’m gone I’m never turning back, I never do.
All things happen for a reason and I feel safe to know that my future is in the hands of my faithful friend and companion and I’m not ashamed to proclaim his name, Jesus.
Again, thank you all for the support and guidance.
IMO, the FWB setup is only acceptable if both participants are experienced and resilient, both sexually and emotionally, and FWB is desired by both. It's completely inappropriate in the case where one person really wants a real relationship, but the other person only wants sex. The person wanting more will inevitably be disappointed and feel used.
Someone who is inexperienced sexually, or who really craves a boyfriend, must NEVER start a FWB setup. You'll start to feel attached to someone who can toss you away like a tissue. Yet the reality is, there are many young men out there who would be happy to adore you and make you #1 in their lives. If you're busy with "FWB" (what a goofy misnomer), you won't even be able to see all the "quality bf material" out there.
First off, you are lucky at least that you lost your virginity to someone
you cared about. Me, i lost it to some girl i didnt know wham bam thankyou ma'am.
That being said, no a friends with benifits isnt appropriate for someone whos
only been with a guy once. Its something thats saved for after a relationship
or two is out of the way, and you just want a break from it all.
I think this guy likes you yes, but not enough that he wants to have you
as his girlfriend. He probably is a bit of a player.
You seem like a sweet girl and deserve to have at least one fufulling relationship
before you get this kind of guy after you.
About if a guy cares if a girl is a virgin or not. I personally dont like the idea
of being a girls first. The whole causing her pain thing just makes my skin
crawl. Sex should be passionate, and fun, and sexy, and wild. But pain,
no(well not in that way )
So unless you are in some culture where only virgins can get married, i wouldnt
let it bother you at all.
Move on. Find someone that cares for you, and enjoy all the fun torments of
being in a true relationship
SUPER
It’s nice getting a guys’ perspective on this, thanks for your sincere input.
Sorry you had to lose your virginity like that, but do guys actually care about when and how they lose their virginity?
Well i grew up in a household full of women. So i watched alot of sappy love
movies. Made me a bit of a romantic i suppose. So for me personally, ya
it did bother me. I would have much rather lost it to someone i was in love with.
I have 100X more satisfying sex with someone i actually have a mental and emotional
connection with, than some chick. Friggn sisters tainted me . Although random sex can be fun. Its sorta
like eating junkfood. But it never fills you up or you dont feel so good afterwords.
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