Have been invited to OM/MM home for family event....
Oh My.... What a situation!
The wife of my OM/MM (affair now over for 3 weeks) called the other day to invite me and my husband to their home for this huge family holiday event. (We started over 6 years ago as friends with this other couple and he and I progressed for about 10 months - mostly just e-mail (no sex) - Anyway... it is now over - he ended it- and neither she nor my husband know anything about it)
She was very insistent that we come to this dinner affair but I am hesitant. I have not seen him since he ended it. I am still hurting and even though we talk everyday via e-mail, it is on friendly terms only and I sense that he does not have the same feelings for me as he once did. He has asked me, however, that we please come... that it would "mean a lot" to him.
I'm torn between wanting to go and see him, and wanting to protect myself from any more hurt. Part of me says that this might be an opportunity to look fabulous, which might trigger some feeling in him and make him realize what a mistake he made in ending it! However, the more rational, logical part of me says... stay away, stay far, far away...
I know that you guys are good at seeing through the fog. What do you think I should do? What would you do?
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The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Don't attend--it's going to be hard to disguise your feelings if you come into contact with both of them. Would you be able to stand seeing him be affectionate with his wife? Just say that you had something already planned.
If your relationship is over with this man, the best way to get on with your life is to not have him in it at all.
Re: Have been invited to OM/MM home for family event....
Quote:
Originally posted by startingover1028
What would you do?
come clean with my husband -- all of it
tell the OM/MM that I have told my husband and tell him to tell his wife, because i'm done lying about it.
tell the OM's wife that we can't come to her party and if she wants to know why not I'll tell her that I already explained it to her husband, ask him.
Having been in a situation where a physical affair was imminent (already some emotional support and affection) I ended it before anything else happened, discussed everything with my husband, got into counseling together, and I even quit a wonderful job to get out of the situation.
Like Stone said, there is no reason to stay friends with them. Your spouse and family come first.
ABSOLUTELY don't go over there. Come up with whatever reason you can not to go. If you can't find anything else, feign sick that day! /cough, cough. Putting yourself into that situation would be the most foolish, dangerous thing you could do at this point.
And I agree...you really need to come clean with your husband, and your OM needs to come clean to. You need to break any and all contact, and doing this would absolutely make that happen. And your husband deserves to know the truth about things...otherwise, HE'S the one living the lie.
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"The newsflash is that in the game of love we are ALL at Vegas, some of us are bigger gamblers than others...
Welcome to VEGAS BABY! " --Tomcat33, May 21, 2008
"Just don't cry when the odds beat YOU" Owl, Sep 08
startingover, you don't look too well from here. I think you might be catching one of those 24 hour bugs.
In all seriousness dont meet up if anything it will open fresh wounds, I'd also probably stop emailing him as that will help if you just isolate yourself from him.
How sad for your husband you did not even have the respect to tell him
of this emotional affair and clearly you are still thinking of the OM. How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? How sad that you would think of looking great to make the OM think of you again without seemingly caring what it does to you, your husband and your marriage. Again how sad for your husband. Would your husband ever do this to you?
This affair may/will come out at some point, and one of the nasty little details that will get into your husband's head is that you paraded him around at your nasty little conspiracy, that he didn't ask to be treated like a chump, etc.
You may have ended it, but you OWE a great deal of respect to your husband at this point. Don't go.
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