I split up with my girlfriend about 9 months ago. It was a very messy breakup as we both thought we had cheated on each other and said a lot of nasty things to each other. It turned out that neither of us had cheated and we were both lied to by so called mates that wanted to split us up. For the first few months of our break up we argued all the time and I said and did some really bad things which I wish I could take back.
Now every time I see her out she thinks that I'm going to do something to hurt her. I have tried to speak to her to tell her I'm not but she just ignores me all the time. She tells her friends I'm a really bad person and that she is worried I'm going to hurt her when I see her out. But it very much the opposite as I still very much love her. When we split up she really hurt me the way she went about things and made no contact as she knew this would really hurt me. I still think she wants to hurt me. So I ended up getting very upset when I would see her and made things worst as I was always very drunk as well. She thinks I have changed since we were together and that I'm no longer the guy she fell in love with.
Is there any thing I can do to make her realise that I don't want to hurt her and that I still care about her ?
I have tried telling her friends how it is but this doesn't seem to help.
Originally posted by Conroy
Is there any thing I can do to make her realise that I don't want to hurt her and that I still care about her ?
Yes there is, LEAVE HER ALONE and move on with your life. Sounds like you are obsessing on her. If she feels threatened then there is nothing you can do except staying away. And stop going to the places you know she will be, you;ll look like a stalker.
Finding another woman in the best way to get revenge.
Unfortunately as soon as someone fears you there isn't exactly much you can do to try and convince them otherwise. You should probably just move on but if your adement about at least telling her something then write it in a letter, that way she can read it when she choses and without you being there it will be much easier. As long as your truthful in your letter then it might work out.
I'd definately suggest avoiding meeting her as when she meets you when its drunk its only going to enforce the belief that your a bad person especially if you get upset.
Originally posted by Conroy
I split up with my girlfriend about 9 months ago. It was a very messy breakup as we both thought we had cheated on each other and said a lot of nasty things to each other. It turned out that neither of us had cheated and we were both lied to by so called mates that wanted to split us up. For the first few months of our break up we argued all the time and I said and did some really bad things which I wish I could take back.
Now every time I see her out she thinks that I'm going to do something to hurt her. I have tried to speak to her to tell her I'm not but she just ignores me all the time. She tells her friends I'm a really bad person and that she is worried I'm going to hurt her when I see her out. But it very much the opposite as I still very much love her. When we split up she really hurt me the way she went about things and made no contact as she knew this would really hurt me. I still think she wants to hurt me. So I ended up getting very upset when I would see her and made things worst as I was always very drunk as well. She thinks I have changed since we were together and that I'm no longer the guy she fell in love with.
Is there any thing I can do to make her realise that I don't want to hurt her and that I still care about her ?
I have tried telling her friends how it is but this doesn't seem to help.
So is there anyway I can regain her trust back ?
What did u say to her.......did u threaten her will bodyly harm.....
Well the situation was I threw a drink over her after a massive argument (which I know is really low of me), then about a month later I saw her in a nightclub and she just started screaming at me straight away so I pushed her away from me. She then milked this as much as she could trying to make out I tried to hit her. Personally I think she knows full well I would never hit her, she always knew what my believes were when violence towards women is concerned. I think personally she tried to make out I was really violent etc so she could get other people to hate me. Its not the first time she has made up rumours about me. I think she does it mainly when she is drunk and she doesn't realise exactly what she is saying or doing. Sometimes she will just make things up to try and hurt me even when I know and every body else know she is lying through her teeth.
She isn't a bad person she is just very confussed and mixed up at the moment. I know she is having problems with her mum at the moment because her mum wants to sell up and move to Turkey and this is effecting my ex really badly. So I think she is taking out all that anger on me!
I know how to play the rules and that is to give this person closure and not to contact her which I haven't got a problem with. But I don't want things to get to the point where we could never see each other again and all she will remember about me is hurting her. I just want the chance to repair the damage and try and be a good friend to her.
She has been the only one I have ever felt so strongly in love about and I know she felt the same about me. But a lot has happened since then and every thing is messed up. If I'm obsessing over her then this is some thing I can not help because I'm still very much in love with her. It is easy for some body to say forget her but it is not so easy to actually do this.
Please if anyone has any suggestions on how I could make things good again then please help ?
I suggested a letter above, its the easiest way to express your feelings without having to worry about her blowing things our of proportion. It also lets you make sure you say what you really mean to say. As no matter how much you think something through when it comes to telling them in person it will always be different.
If you want to make sure she gets it then send it Recorded Delivery.
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