[zep52]

Hi i was recently dumped by my girlfriend of two years, i had no warning or idea it was comming but there are some underlying factors that i think have influenced her decision but my head is to messed up to figure out what to do, please can anybody shed some light on this for me,

I am 42 and she is 41 with a 18 year old son and a 12 year old daughter, around 2 months ago her son was made by the police to be a witness at a court case, he didnt want to but had no choice, on the day they were harrassed by the defendents familly and it was and is very traumatic for her and him still,

Then a few weeks latter we were on a long weekend break with her daughter, we had spent the evening in a club type caberret thing when her daughter left to walk her friend back to the accomodation, we left 10 mins latter, and as we walked around the corner we bumpped in to her smoking,

She was devastated so we went back to our room where i told her to wait till the next day before dealling with it, which she did,

We drove home next morning and she was quiet, but i expected that, when we arrived home she asked me to give her a couple of hours to sort her daughter out, which i did, but then later got an sms asking if i could leave things till tomorrow, fine i thought, anyway the next day it was as if she had directed all the blame for both events at me and she ended it by phone, up till then we had been very happy, the kids loved me, and so do her family and friends,

it has now been five weeks and she has refused to talk to me or answer my txts, i really love her and just cant get my head around what has happened, i know she loves me, her daughter, and closest friend also say that she loves me, but it appears to me that she now hates me, what should i do, we have not spoke or had any contact now for 2 weeks and i am missing her and the kids really badly, can anyone please give me some advice, i want her back so much...

[Pocky]

Did the children like you? Any chance that the daughter told her mother the only way she'd quit is if he mother left you?

[zep52]

The kids love me, and i love both them and her please try to be constructive...

[Pocky]

The kids love me, and i love both them and her please try to be constructive...

I was asking a valid question. I found it quite odd that she'd have a talk with her daughter and then suddenly up and leave. People do end relationships because their children demand it. It's not like I asked something that was derogatory or implied anything negative about you.

I took the time to read your post, asked for more information to see if I could ascertain some sort of reason for her leaving and you're going to cop an attitude and give me ****?

[zep52]

Took your reply the wrong way sorry, i am having a hard time dealing with this, the kids really liked me and still do, the daughter wants me to come back, but its like all the stress has been fired out in my direction, help me poky

[Pocky]

The daughter is still speaking with you? Does she not have any idea why her mother would suddenly end the relationship? What about one of her friends? No one has any clue? She's had to confide in someone as to why she'd leave.

[zep52]

The daughter Jasmine told me that she thought her mum still loved me when i last spoke to her, her best friend told me that she had told her that i was the best thing that had ever happened to her, but she hinted that i might have been to soft with her, this is to some extent true but im no wuss, i stood my ground when needed,

She has just cut me off cold, she has fallen out with her friends over it and as far as i can make out holds me responsible,

I feel that she will not see me or talk to me because she is scared she might not be able to keep her true feelings hidden, last time i saw her i bumped in to her on a friday at 4 and we chatted, i asked what she was doing that night and she said going to the local pub, i told her that i would be in there also and could we talk, she said yes,

So that night when i saw her with her friends i went over and she treated me like something she had trod in, really got angry and acted cold towards me, her friends later told me that they were very surprised at how she had acted, she has never given anyone a reason for the splitt...

[moon]

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like maybe your ex is having a hard time raising her kids. What kind of influence have you been to them? Are you a smoker? Do you live the type of life that your girlfriend would want her kids to emulate?

It does sound like she is blaming you for her troubles. Maybe she is starting to feel guilty about her effectiveness as a parent. Maybe she is questioning everything in her life because her kids are having some problems. Did you think of that? I can imagine it would be harder than hell to be a single parent....let alone if your kids are doing things that are against your wishes. But it does sound like the kids like you.....so the reasons that she refuses to talk to you seem small.

Good luck with this. Maybe try to cut her some slack a bit because she might just be freaking out about her kids and who they are becoming. Maybe she wants to start controling their atmosphere more. It sounds like possibly she will cool off in time once she realizes that you are not creating or causing any of her striffs with her kids.

This sounds like a hard one to deal with. It must be really painful and you probably feel like the situation is almost out of your control.

[zep52]

Update i went around there earlier, grabed the bull by the horns so to speak, she was hostile, but we talked, and she has agreed to go out with me in two weeks time, how do you think i should go about this date, my instincts are to go full on romantic nite out, but i could be wrong.....