We broke up a little over a month ago. This may be a long post. I am so confused with what happened and maybe some people may be able to help me here.

We dated for over a year. Everything was perfect. We fell for each other hard and fast. It all went downhill so, so suddenly in a matter of 16 days. We got into a huge fight that lasted a couple of days. It was fighting and then making up then fighting. I needed to be away from her. I was getting sick of her. I just needed some time away. I took some things out on her, and she snapped back. It seems like she needed to be away from me as well. She cried quite a bit. She said things aren't perfect anymore. Things kept getting worse and we talked about it, but it didn't really get better. I told her I was pulling away. I'm thinking about breaking up but that's just me being stupid. I told her I think we can work through this and she agreed. She said she usually runs away when things get bad, and I said the same with me, but we both agreed to work on it. I told her I think we do have something special worth keeping and working it out. We'll be a much stronger couple. I honestly thought we had a very solid relationship and would be able to make it through. But I can sense the tension. We were still having sex, but things just didn't feel right.

She started to distance herself then from me slowly. I picked up on it right away. None of this made sense. It just kept getting worse. I asked her what she wants to do and she said she is willing to work on things. She also would mention what's going on with us, and we'd talk about it to a bleeding pulp. It was up and down. The intimacy began to dwindle, the affection was falling away, and it was getting pretty sour. Fights would break out over stupid things, sex was getting kinkier - it wasn't like it used to be, now it was different positions and just taking out anger in it. No foreplay. Just straight sex.

I initiate a break to take some space. I told her I didn't want things to end between us. We just need some time to sort through things because this is tense. I have never seen her so upset after that. She was so angry with me. She began to accuse me of things, and I was trying very hard to bite my tongue. I listened to her, I asked what she wanted, and she agreed that space would be a good idea. We ened the call on a good note, and finsihed with i love yous.

I went out with buddies and tried to just relax a bit and have fun, but she was on my mind. I couldn't wait to see her again. She calls me after a couple of days and we break up. I was so numb, and she was as well. She asks me if I hate her, and I said I don't. She then wants us to be good friends, but I say no way is that possible, and she gets very upset. I told her that it is over, and she argues back saying she wants to be really good friends. It was very messy. I was a roller coaster during it, going from how she just gave up on us, to saying I don't give a damn. I told her I felt relieved now, and she said the same. I told her to stay away from me, and she said fine. She said she wont ever go to X, Y and Z because those are places were me and my friends would go. Then she gets all sentimental saying how she feels like she is losing her best friend now. I told her listen, you want to break up, thats the decision you made. She says how she is going to miss me tons, and I say the same. I said I wont call her, and she says she wont call me either. She said she wouldnt do that to me.

Couple of days pass and I'm waiting for her call like crazy. No call. I don't call either. I saw her a few days after that & she looked very bad. She was hurting. I was hurting as well. I felt that we are just being dumb. Why can't we just reconcile after a big fight? I sent her an email saying I'll pick up my stuff the next weekend. She replies back with an "as you wish" and asking me for credit card statement copies so she knows how much she owes me exactly. She tells me to reply by email specifically. I go to pick up my stuff hoping to talk with her, thinking we have cooled off, but my stuff is all outside her door.

A week after that I call her. I am so confused. I just want an explaination as to what happened between us. She was very angry on the phone, tells me she doesnt want to be in a relationship, shes not willing to work on it, she wasnt happy in the end, that we were spending too much time together at the end of summer but she never said anything about it, but I did nothing wrong. She said that maybe we took things too fast. Whatever. She was pressing me for a relationship, then once I'm hers and I fall for her she gives me this. I told her that was mutual between us, and we went with the flow and it was great. She said she doesn't care, she used to but not anymore, but there was nothing I did wrong. Things were just different now. I say thanks for the explaination and hang up. I feel worse off then before, and have even more questions as to what the hell happened, and my mind can't get any rest. I have tried to accept what she gave me, but it makes no sense. A perfect relationship going, and then 16 days and were enemies.

I've seen her a few times since in public, and we're still tense at times. At first it was just look away from each other. Then there were hi's exchanged. Now there is definite sexual tension if we see each other. I have cooled off a lot, but I still miss her like crazy. I must be a fool thinking this could work, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's been 6 weeks of no contact. She leaves away messages after she runs into me saying something about guys being dumb.

Maybe we're just not meant to be together. But that is just a cliched answer. I can't really find my faults here. I know I had some, but I honestly see this as being mostly her. I really just want to speak with her, but I don't think that's going to happen. I want to get back at times, and at times I think I'm an idiot for thinking that. We see run into each other quite a bit b/c we work right by each other, so the memories flood back. This is tough.

[Think too much]

I know how hard it is to try to find closure from a relationship that lasted for so long. Do you truly love her? If you do then do everything you can to get her back. Don't be stubborn. Is being stubborn really worth loosing the person you love?

If you don't love her then move on. Try to casually date other people. keep yourself busy and try to stay away from places that you know she hangs out at. Working by her will definately delay the healing process. I don't have any advice on that one bc I live next door to my ex and I still don't know how to handle that.

I love the girl a ton and I miss her so much. I lost my girlfriend and my best friend. I just feel that I'm not getting the whole story here. I'm not going to say that she's lying to me (she might be) but it just makes no sense. I was really hurt & angry about how things ended between us and I truly think our relationship deserves a second chance. Maybe one day I guess b/c last time she told me she wasnt interested in putting forth the effort into it, but she wanted me to still be in here life as a good friend, but I know if I'm just friends it'll kill me, so I'm better off walking away. If I really did mess up then I want to know, that's all, but she says I didn't. So how is all of this possible? I asked her, and she just said things were different between us. That makes me think that she's not entirely happy in her little world so she just throws it all away. Sigh..

We went on a vacation in July and things were awesome, and about two weeks before all this stuff began to happen she was looking for a new apartment for me right by her place so we can be closer (we lived like 20 minutes from each other).

I think she's willing to speak with me, but I can't mention anything about us. As soon as I mention us, is when she gets very defensive. It's clear that she is hurt. Where can I go from here? It's obvious that none of the gifts, or flowers, or any of that stuff is going to work in this case. I didn't do that at all either aftere we broke up. I gave space and tried very hard not to call her. I want her back. She is worth it. I just don't know if I have a chance. I was willing to keep it, but she wasn't. I have a fear that her mind is made up and that's it.

[Think too much]

If you truly love someone you do everything you can to get them back. I am not talking about buying her things.. you can't buy love. Words and actions are the most powerful thing you can use. Even if she acts strange tell her that you really want to talk. Tell her how you feel. If she wont listen then write her a letter or email. I am not saying that talking to her will change her mind but it worth a shot isn't it? Even if she doesn't choose to be with you it's worth it. At least you could say you gave it your all. You can't choose who loves you or who wants to be in your life but you can choose your actions.

After you talk to her and if she tells you her mind is made up then for your own sake you need to initiate nc. It's not healthy to stay friends with your ex. especially when there is still feelings involved. Tell her you want to be friends but can't handle it.

I don't doubt that you love her but I do doubt your effort in keeping her. A lot of the words you used are "I just don't know if I have a chance or I fear that her mind is made up". Those thoughts could be true or they might not be. You will never know until you have a heart to heart talk with her. Don't fear or don't not know anymore... find out!