girlfriend lost virginity to other guy

jsoe192003823 · 16th November 2004, 6:16 AM

hey,
just looking for outsiders opinions on this:
ive been involved in a relationship for 8 months now, my first real relationship. she and i had been friends for about 2 years before hand, all of which time she was dating another guy. she lost her virginity to the other guy, and being friends with her, and friends with her friends, i ended up hearing about their numerous sesions. i never knew her very well, was better friends with her friend, but when we got together it made me really happy. i was a virgin going into the relationship and had high morals for only having sex with one person. i cant seem to get over her past relationship where she had sex with this other guy. though i have had sex with her, its hard to know that she has had sex so many times with this other guy, and i will never have her virginity. if it werent for that, i would have married this girl already, as she is perfect for me, i just need to get over my problem. need advice

sami · 16th November 2004, 6:21 AM

It is either you work on yourself to accept what you have or simply move on for someone who fits you most. You can't just hang up like that. It is not good for anyone of you.

bluechocolate · 16th November 2004, 6:43 AM

i was a virgin going into the relationship and had high morals for only having sex with one person.

Quote:

from sami
It is either you work on yourself to accept what you have or simply move on for someone who fits you most. You can't just hang up like that. It is not good for anyone of you.

I agree.

its hard to know that she has had sex so many times with this other guy, and i will never have her virginity. if it werent for that, i would have married this girl already,

Have you told her this? She deserves to know if she's wasting her time with you - 8 months is a long time for someone to turn around & then say, "sorry, I can't marry you because you're not a virgin".

sami · 16th November 2004, 6:51 AM

thank you for much for your support. I really appreciate it.

allina · 16th November 2004, 6:52 AM

You sound a little immature, I'm curious how old you are. You say that you would have already married her if it wasn't for this, yet if you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, her having sex with a guy she dated for a long time previous to you shoulden't matter. Also I suggest maybe discussing morals and ideals before getting too serious since it appears that you two may differ in opinion in that area. You need to decide rather you love her and want to be with her or if you will dwell on this issue and let it ruin the relationship, in which case you would either die a vigrin or a hypocrite.

sami · 16th November 2004, 6:55 AM

You sound a little harsh on our fellow.

allina · 16th November 2004, 6:58 AM

i apologize if it sounded rude, that was not my intention

sami · 16th November 2004, 7:04 AM

No problem. We simply don't want to turn people off or send them away. This might be the only channel of communication open to them. Thank you much for your understanding. You don't need to be oversensitive to the virginity issue.

morrigan · 16th November 2004, 8:51 AM

Your girlfriend's ex and her relationship with him have contributed to the person that you love.

I agree that acceptance is a part of loving anyone--none of us are ever going to fufill someone else's idealisms. Try to see that her choice to have sex wasn't wrong or immoral, just a natural part of a relationship, just as your sexual feelings for her are natural. But you have to see that this relationship, as well as her sexual behavior with him, is firmly in the past. Her attention is focused on you, not on someone else. Having loved/had a sexual relationship with someone else once does not detract from the feelings she has for you.

If you still can't reconcile your ideas with this, you should end the relationship.

GirlDown · 16th November 2004, 9:36 AM

this girl wasn't buried under a rock until you came along with your "high morals."

perhaps this girl and the guy she chose to share her first experience with felt the same way--both virgins, both "in love", and thought it felt right. maybe not, but maybe so. in any case, who do you think you are to question it?

get over it or leave her alone. she doesn't need to feel guilty about something she did that definitely does not involve you.

this knowledge was obviously not hidden from you. if it bothered you so much, you shouldn't have started dating/having sex with this girl. if you cared about her enough have this kind of relationship with her regardless of what you laready know, this issue should have been resolved in your own mind before it even began.

sami · 16th November 2004, 9:41 AM

This poor fellow is simply seeking advice as to how he can handle this problem he is having about the whole situation. He has no third option other than to either love or leave her. He has to deal with his own unresolved issues first.

GirlDown · 16th November 2004, 9:45 AM

yeah, that's kinda the point.

he can also relax a little but. i think it's less about morals than it is about jealousy, the thought of her having sex with someone who is not him, regardless of when it occurred.

JessicaAlmond · 16th November 2004, 9:49 AM

I agree with some posters.

She did have a life with somebody else before she met you and what she chose to do is completely normal.

Everyone has those thoughts sometimes about the people in our SO's life. But you can't dwell on them and if they become to much of an issue you have to let them go and find someone else.

She is with you now and having sex with you, and frankly if it doesn't work out you might not be the last. Enjoy what you have and don't let it slip by worrying about the past. It's the past and she's with you know. Don't cry over spilt milk.

250r · 16th November 2004, 9:56 AM

Its very much a jealous thing. We all suffer from it in varrying degrees - some very little, some very much. I tend to be more jealous when it comes to my significant others past, I can admit it. You just have to tell yourself that they are with you now. You just have to put it in the back of your mind and let it be or it will torment you. You are no longer a virgin either right? You can't ask from someone else what you can't even offer yourself IMO. She was in a long term relationship and only had one other sexual partner. That sounds like pretty admirable morals to me. Anyways, good luck to you and don't let that ruin your relationship...

GirlDown · 16th November 2004, 10:03 AM

also, with these "high morals on being with one person", does this mean that if you and this girl don't work out together (which is a huge possibility, given your issues) that you will never sleep with someone else besides her?

after all, you're supposed to practice what you preach.

think about after this girl, you meet another one who feels like you do. she's a virgin, and wishes you were too. but you're not now. wouldn't you have a hundred reasons why this behaviour was okay for you at the time?

i think you most definitely would. but don't we all think we are the exception to every rule...