When people say "I need some time away," or, "I need some space," etc does it me
When people say "I need some time away," or, [color=darkblue]"I need some space,"[/color] or, "I want NC for now, but, perhaps in a couple months I might re-consider 'we'll see'," etc.
Realistically, does this USUALLY pretty much mean that the person saying this is actually just saying that they want to have sex with others? Aren't they really asking for a license to screw around sexually without having to feel guilt - so they ask for a 'temporary reprieve' from faithfulness? I mean, why else would they wish to put a different 'label' on things. If wanting to screw around with others is NOT what they desire and mean, they could, instead, say [color=darkblue]"I am totally devoted to you, and would never cheat on you. I wish to grow with you and make things better. To do this I need a break from you, BUT, don't worry - I'll be back and I love you."[/color] etc.
Seems like that would be more like what would be said if it didn't boil down to wanting sex - either with someone they already know of - or, sexual variety in general?
Depends on the situation. My g/f of 4.5 years pretty much told me she is not obligated to me anymore, and wants to go out and date, and she might contact me "not in the near future". Now, do i take this as, "hey I'm going to go have sex with others and never talk to you?" I am pretending so. But I truly believe if a girl loves you, and even says she needs SPACE and TIME and to be independent, she will come around.
I think there is a % of people who say and do basically want to go and fug around but there are peole who say that and don't have a desire to go and screw other people. Not everyone revovles their life around sex and some who want space, time away, break, etc just want to focus their time on toher stuff in their life.
That is probably true. Why then, must they always - as far as I have experienced - ask for a different designation for the relationship. In my experience, people never say "I want time on my own but I am still your devoted monogamous partner."
I pretty much agree. Because, to me, the way to make a relationship better, is to communicate and be with the person. It's always been difficult for me to understand how space is productive for a relationship.
I know that sometimes a partner will separate because the other has an addiction, or, has problems that the other can't deal with. So, sometimes people will leave until the other takes care of a problem or to force the other to solve a problem. This I understand and can see how sex may not have anything to do with it. Otherwise, seems to me like space means they want action.
Originally posted by havNfun
Bluechocolate,
It's always been difficult for me to understand how space is productive for a relationship.
Me too. I can understand needing more time alone within a relationship but wouldn't accept someone stepping outside of it entirely, with some vague intention that they may or may not want to come back to you at some unspecified time in the future. At it's most basic I think it's selfish & cowardly to expect that someone should tolerate being in a position like that.
Anytime someone says that it usually means they want to break up because..
A. They either found someone else they are interested in
B. They just plain don't want to date you anymore
It all boils down to they don't want to hurt your feelings and they are hoping you will just go away forever.
I don't believe in the space crap. You either love somone and want to be with them or you don't. Of course there are always those EXCEPTIONS but they are very very rare. It's best for one not to think they are an exception in this case and just move on to someone that doesn't requre space.
Sadly, I agree with gwen. "I need some space" is a cop-out line so that the truth does not have to be told. The person who says "I need space" merely does not want to be with the other, or would rather be with someone else.
I have been contemplating this. Occassionally I hide in the bedroom. I close the door and put up a sign that says, "I'll be back in an hour". I just need a little space.
Thats not exactly the same thing, but I understand being so crowded that you want a little time alone, especially if a partner is overbearing. (like my ex) Perhaps a taste of freedom without the constant crowding lets them know that this relationship is not what they want anymore.
Sometimes I am sure its just an excuse. They don't want to be the one that "Breaks up" or maybe they want to have their cake and eat it too.
In my experince.... If a personce wants space this means that they cant take it (you) any more.
If a person needs spance that mean that you cant go foward in a relanshonship so putting it blunt your not going to recover from that. So back off and dont pay attention anymore. I was engaged for over a year and then she pops up and says i want space. So hat is what i gave her BUT she still wants to live in my houde and live off my money so in actule fact she didnt want space she wanted something else all together what i dont know however im dating someone else and she cant take it. Now the story is that she loves me and misses me and and and but you all know the story once burt is enought.
So the space thing is an excuse for I dont want you any more or it could be a simple give it time.
Read the following its damn good
To all play boys and play girls, maried, single, flirting etc, this is for you, please pass to all people that you know
In love and life don’t ever play games. If you love someone, TELL them, if you don’t, TELL them. The human heart is a very complex thing in that it makes us do the strangest things when it reaches a point of desperation especially when we are hurting. I’m sure many of us have reached that point where we find ourselves attacking the competition “in the name of LOVE” even attacking the object of your affection, some of us have even found ourselves hiding behind bushes or tagging the car playing spy.
At the end of it all, relationships, whether friendships or romance, need two elements to survive - COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE and it needs another two elements two fall apart – PRIDE AND STUPIDITY.
Too proud to say I’m sorry, too proud to say I’m hurting, too proud to say I’m feeling a little insecure. And so stupid, stupid enough to let them go because you think they will be back, stupid enough not to tell them that you love them because you think they will stick around longer if you play hard to get, stupid enough not to answer their calls when you have a fight because you want to make them hurt and you want to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. Watch out you are not the one who learns a lesson. If it’s worth a great person walking out of your life, possibly for good, then by all means knock yourself out.
But don’t cry when that person never calls again, or finds solace in another’s arms, or throws themselves off a twenty story building because the pain you were causing them was too much to bear.
Don’t cry when a beautiful relationship is broken and can’t be fixed because YOU chose to play games instead of laying your cards on the table and working it out. Say exactly what you feel and ask exactly what you want to know. No matter how STUPID you sound. At least you will know exactly where you stand.
And even if after you’ve poured your heart and it still doesn’t work out, you will be at peace because you know you did your best on your part. Your conscience will be clear and you will move on knowing that you didn’t go down without a fight.
Loving someone is not a game.
People are not pyramids; you can’t go off on your own selfish trip and expect to find them in the exact same spot you left them weeks ago. If you don’t take care of your partners needs when they need you to, what guarantee do you have that somebody else won’t.
So when you find your partner in your best friend’s arms or hear they are getting married to someone you thought was just a “rebound trip” after you let them go without a fight:
Don’t cry, ‘cause while you were busy playing games…….SOMEBODY ELSE WASN’T
I want space = I am not happy in the relationship. Be with someone that wants to be with you. If someone really appreciates you then they would not risk losing you by saying stuff like that.
Some people like to say that or "I'm not sure what I want right now". Which means that they can do whatever they want, whenever they want or to whomever they want.
loved the post by Ruff Ryder! it has made a very depressed man feel a bit better, my mother virtually told me to do this tonight!
i don't know if there is a difference but my girlfriend didn't ask me for space but she said she wanted a week apart to think about what we said to one another (this was last Friday after probably a stupid breakup ), she said she would call me Friday lunchtime, don't analyse this or get paranoid, i feel unwell lately, i'm not going to drink for a week and I should feel better, she said she wants to go out on Friday night with me for a night out
is there any difference? i've never had this before... breakups were always the very end
Well the way i see it is..... Well there is a song that says it best. ill just quote a few lines.
"everybody needs a little time away I heard her say from eachother everyone needs a holiday far away from the one that they love"
So in a sence some times a break away is a very healthy good thing you see you dont really know what you have till its gone so even if it for a few days they will soon realize that they miss you.
I wouldnt read to deep into it just feel the situwation out and if it goes from bad to worce at least you wont wake up 10 years from now and wonder what if....
Take it one day at a time and hey maybe youll see that you dont need them in your life but dont get court out if they out having a blast GET OFF YOUR ASS and go have fun too.
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