Am VERY attracted to my indirect boss- is he interested too???Help me make my next mo
Okay, am very confused! I have a crush on my boss- well- he is my boss indirectly anyway. He is not someone I report to, and I see him maybe every couple of weeks normally.
A few co-workers know of my 'innocent attraction ' to him- knowing only that I find him attractive.
Recently, my very quiet, well mannered and almost even shy boss invited me into his office and offered to get for me a document that I was looking for, and proceeded to talk to me for an hour about evrything under the sun, joking around and telling me over and over that I should 'stop by and chat more often'. Since then he has stopped me a few times to chat and we have even shared a few emails where a few small innuendos were made.
If he wanted to call me, he could easily locate my number at work. Also, he has my email address if he wanted to contact me to ask me out. So should I assume that he is not really interested??
Wish I could share with you the details of our emails to make it easier to give advice and determine if this is platonic or not, but fear that he will find out this is me!!!
Please try to help.
Any boss or supervisor who has an ounce of common sense or decency, or (in the US or Canada) knowledge of the law, will not be hitting on persons whom he/she supervises or outranks. Affairs in the workplace are a big disaster. If you need attention and sex that bad, find it ANYWHERE but at work. Bar - club - grocery store - laundromat - whatever. Please. This is for your own good.
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
I thank you for your advice, but I gotta tell you, I am neither in desperate need of sex or attention as I get plenty of both- in and out of the workplace! What I have found, is a person who shares the same background, interests and many personality traits who makes me smile eveytime I see him! I understand that romance in the workplace can be risky, but I don't need to be insulted and refered to as someone who 'needs sex or attention that bad'!
As much as you do not want to hear it, workplace romance is just not very wise.
I'm not saying it can't possibly work, I do know a few people who actually met at work, but it depends on the company policies, and total discretion, and neither was above the other as far as mgmt. Yes, it can be fun to have a little flirtation going on during the course of the day, face it, we spend more waking hours at work that any where else, seems logical that you would meet someone. So, if you can't be 100% sure it won't result in you losing your job, it is not worth it. Unless, besides the all the attention and sex you get outside work, you also get deluged with new job offers, then go for it!
Nothing kills a budding romance like UNEMPLOYMENT. As a manager, he should realize that he is putting both your jobs in jeopardy. If he does'nt care, then maybe he is the one not getting enough attention and sex, and in that case I would worry about his intentions.
just my opinion.
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Originally posted by SoleMate
Any boss or supervisor who has an ounce of common sense or decency, or (in the US or Canada) knowledge of the law, will not be hitting on persons whom he/she supervises or outranks. Affairs in the workplace are a big disaster. If you need attention and sex that bad, find it ANYWHERE but at work. Bar - club - grocery store - laundromat - whatever. Please. This is for your own good.
proceeded to talk to me for an hour about evrything under the sun, joking around and telling me over and over that I should 'stop by and chat more often'. Since then he has stopped me a few times to chat and we have even shared a few emails where a few small innuendos were made.
Take it all outside of the office. Flirt whatever, but for your own sake and your reputation, keep out of his office. The more you go in there, the more people will notice and talk...And wonder...And gossip...And then soon they will think 'you get special treatment' around the office because of him. Trust me, I have actually seen this situation happen before, sweet and innocent as it is, you are playing with some serious fire!
I agree 100%--dating a supervisor is never a good idea. It can cause gossip or problems with your co-workers, and if things go wrong with this guy, you're still going to have to see him at work.
What is the protocol for workplace relationships where you work? I know some places outline it very clearly. If it is a 'no no' where you work, I wouldn't push it. If it is not a problem, then I would seriously consider the consequences of it ending badly before I jumped in.
After reading your post again, though - this bit caught my eye:
Quote:
If he wanted to call me, he could easily locate my number at work. Also, he has my email address if he wanted to contact me to ask me out. So should I assume that he is not really interested??
I'm guessing if he were interested in a relationship or actual dating, he'd contact you. His phone isn't broken, and his email works just fine. From that statement, it sounds like he is having fun playing the 'office flirt game' whenever you happen to be around, and isn't in the market for an actual relationship.
Is he involved with someone else? If he's dating/married - then this flirtation could just be a fun/forbidden diversion from his existing relationship.
Last edited by LucreziaBorgia; 26th November 2004 at 12:04 PM.
Re: Am VERY attracted to my indirect boss- is he interested too???Help me make my nex
Quote:
Originally posted by pinkyflowergirl
If he wanted to call me, he could easily locate my number at work. Also, he has my email address if he wanted to contact me to ask me out. So should I assume that he is not really interested??
Well if he was to call you up on a work phone, using a number he got at work and initiate anything beyond work he would probably be out of work. I would say he is quite possibly interested in you, and the fact that he has better judgement than some does not discount that.
I am on the other side of the fence. As a founding member of the company im quite tied up in the whole thing. I let my feelings for a junior employee get in the way, despite it being out of character for me. I have already lost a longterm g/f and the respect of some close friends and business partners and i do still stand to loose a lot more.
that isn't always the case. Plenty of married couples will tell you the story of how they met at work "so-and so" years ago---just make sure he IS NOT A MARRIED MAN ALREADY WITH THE SAME STORY TO TELL YOU! I am assuming he is not married since it was never mentioned, so what I will tell you is this:
Be Careful! Very Careful!
Make sure you BOTH keep work and private life seperate. Agree on this before anything starts up.
Don't gossip to the gals in the office about how much you like each other, how your last date went, whether you two are having sex, and what he's like personally. Keep your private life with him "private". You need to be very careful what you say about him or your relationship. The thing is, no matter how close you are to one of the coprorate gals, they all have a tendancy to spread the news very fast. Not to mention, it will get back to him. This goes for your possible future boyfriend too, who should be aware men do chat and gossip in the workplace as well.
Use protection against for sex!
Make sure this is love and not a hot office affair!
Don't let your emotions get in the way when it comes to your work and being a team player.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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