[psibladeZX]

Is it time to just give up?

Well it's been over 2 years since I broke up with my girlfriend. She went to another university. We talk from time to time, she was really close with my mom so they talk as well. I know that's really weird for me.

Over the last two years I've been looking for someone else but have come up with pretty much nothing. I have run into girls I like to call "false hopes" where I meet a girl, we go out on like 4 or 5 dates then I get a variation of "I'm not ready for a relationship" or "I'm not really looking for a boyfriend right now." All the time, I end up seeing them with boyfriends like a month later!

I've basically gone through most of college without anyone to share the moments. I'll be graduating in May of '05 and still nothing. I always wanted to have someone to share that moment but it looks like it's not gonna happen.

I recently ran into an old friend of mine from high school and we've been hangin out together a lot since his girlfriend broke up with him 2 months ago. So we've been going to parties and bars looking for new people. He's been out of the game a lot less than I have. I've been out for over two years!

My friends all tell me I'm really outgoing and talkative, funny, smart, etc. And I get the "oh, you're everything girls look for" speech all the time. If I happen to be everything girls look for... then why is it I haven't found anyone? It is true I'm only 22 but it gets really lonely sometimes, especially around holidays. Now with Christmas and New Years it's just going to be the same thing all over again.

Valentine's day is the worst, because all the friends that are in relationships go off and do their own thing. I have started calling it "singles awareness day"

When I do go on dates, I try to be very nice and courteous, a true gentleman. I always treat girls like ladies. Is it that I need to be an ******* to get a girlfriend? If so, I don't know how to be an *******!

So when my friend and I go to bars and parties and actually do talk to girls, I just don't know how to close it out. Most of the time I feel as if I am just bothering the girl and should just leave. The last two times my friend actually succeeded in helping me get the girl's number. So I called her, lets say her name is Colleen. I called Colleen and we had a decent conversation and agreed we should hang out sometime, she gave me her screen name and it was cool. I talked to her once online and we said we would hang out later that night, said I should call her. So when I called her she didn't pick up, so I left a message, sad to say she didnt call back.

I was talking to another friend of mine and she was telling me that if the girl doesn't make time or doesn't ask to hang out with me, then she's probably not interest. Now that made me think. No girl since my ex-girlfriend actually asked me to hang out. So that just means I have horrible luck.

My question is, should I just give up on the whole thing, stop really goin out looking for girls, and just focus on other things? Even if I do meet someone, I'm always afraid it's going to be another "false hope" and only last 4 or 5 dates. This year I haven't even gone out with anyone and haven't had a date since last december, so it's coming up on a year without girls.

What should I do?

[paradissa1]

hang it there i was single for a long time too some will come along when you least expect it

[bluechocolate]

Relax.

You know desperation stinks like the worst B.O. you can imagine. I realise you were probably feeling down when you wrote this but there is definitely a whiff of desperation here. Yes, it's a vicious circle, the more desperate you get the less chances you're gonna have & the more desperate you're gonna get.

I know you don't want to hear this, but you DO have plenty of time. Up to the age go 30 I only had one relationship that lasted longer than 12 months. Lots of dates, lots of maybes, some I would have liked to keep & some I couldn't get away from fast enough. There were many times I despaired & thought it would never happen for me & I know there were many times when I'd go out wearing my desperation like a badge - people usually stay away those who seem desperate or you end up attracting the real weirdos.

My question is, should I just give up on the whole thing, stop really going out looking for girls, and just focus on other things?

You don't need someone else to "complete" you, so yes, focus on other things. Keep busy. Working out really does boost your confidence alot - join a gym, take up a sport or take a night class - widening your social circle can greatly increase your chances of meeting more girls.

You don't have to give up on ever finding someone just accept that it'll happen when it happens & believe that it will.