I've made up my mind that I am going to tell MM's W about our affair, but I am going to wait until after the beginning of the new year. But how should I do it?
I'll tell you why. Because he and I have had unprotected sex on numerous occasions, and now that I know I am 100% clean and healthy, I want to make sure that she remains that way as well. Once I end it, if what everyone says is true, he will F$$$ someone else, right? Again, with no protection, right?! And what if that person has a lethal STD? She should KNOW that he does this.
this is just my opinion but maybe you will understand, A) if you tell the wife, you are definitely ending things with the MM b/c if he does leave her he will blame you later on B) The wife may already know about the affair or even affairs but turns a blind eye to the situation for who knows what reasons, children, security, whatever . I have been friends with both the other woman and also I have been friends with women who were married and their husband cheated on them. Some just don't want to know. It sounds crazy but it is true. C) Get someone uninvolved to tell if you feel it must be done, but just remember that eventually it will be traced back to you. I am not trying to discourage you from telling her I am just telling you what I have found to be true. OK OK OK you talked me into it, whats the number I will call and tell her for you. LOL All kidding aside I do think it would be a very bad idea for you to tell b/c you are the OW so the wife and the MM will both see where you would have something to gain from it. I actually had a friend that knew her husband was cheating and was leaving him at the end of the month, already made plans and then the OW contacted her to talk and guess what happened my dear friend decided to stay. I think the OW just made my friend want to hold on to her husband just to show that she could. Who knows, it is a very delicate and difficult situation and someone will always be hurt and someone will be blamed. Let me know what you decide. I wish you the very best. Kat
There is no right way for you to tell her as she will not want to hear it from you. If you're determined to do it then at least don't pretend that she matters to you.
As long as the fall out from the affair continues to guide your actions, you are unlikely to achieve the fresh start you deserve. He may deserve to suffer but you and others will also suffertoo, KissMyTiara. I worry that one day you'll look back at this and deeply regret having made the wrong choice. I hope I'm wrong.
KMT, I do understand that you want to tell her but is it only because of potential STD? Are you thinking that maybe you can hurt him more than he hurt you? You don't have to answer this. It is meant only for you.
I have toyed with the idea of telling the wife but I would never work the courage to do so. Even through a third party. If she is meant to find about she will but it will not be through me. I believe in women's sixth sense and a lot of times though the wife might suspect something is going on, she will turn a blind eye to it instead of investigating and facing the truth.
kmt, you're not a public health officer, you're a frustrated, pissed-off girl friend who's understandably fed up with her MM's "cake man" identity. Vengeance is not always sweet--especially with an innocent spouse and young children involved. As I remember, your MM is a serial adulterer. He most likely will find someone, in short order, to replace you. If you find out the new OW's identity, call her up and warn her about this serial philanderer.
But don't bring his wife and kids into this sordid melodrama because you're angry that he won't leave them for you. Tell him he's a ****, give him hell, attack his masculinity (a man's sense of humor ends below his belt) but don't drag his wife and kids into your break-up.
Don't destroy this family under the pretext of saving it.
We're not broken up, we're nowhere near it. Sometimes I WANT us to be, and I know that telling her would do it and he'd never speak to me again - which would be a lot easier than just telling him not to call or however it is people go about voluntary NC.
But for the record, I wouldn't have destroyed this family by telling her. He already did, years ago, IMHO.
kmt, does the wife know of any of her husband's affairs? If so, which ones? Why does she tolerate the abused marriage? Did he promise her that he would change?
Please Please Please reconsider your plan to contact the wife and tell her about her husband's affair with you. Obviously the DOG has his wife brainwashed to believe anything he says and she will blame you. Find a way to end it with the low-life and move on. He is not worth screwing up your life. Put your focus on something better - you deserve it.
My credentials - I have been the OW and never dreamed of telling his W and I have been cheated on and would never have wanted to hear it from the OW.
I understand about your concern but I wouldn't tell her. When my H had the A I heard from several friends what was going on. I asked H about it, he denied it, said they were just friends and enjoyed talking to eachother. The more I heard about the A I decided to call the OW myself and ask her. She of course denied it. Unless the W calls you and ask YOU if you are messing around w/ her H don't tell her. I would of hated to hear it from the OW that she was screwing my H. The reason being is b/c I would think she was out to hurt me instead of trying to help.
I agree with immoralist, you are ticked off....now I will add what I think, I don't know what is deep in your heart but I don't believe your reason for telling her due to disease! Give us a break!! Affairs are so selfish, the people in affairs are very, very selfish, I know I've been the selfish one, you don't want this to cause you and the MM a break up, you think it will break up his marriage.
You know something, even though you are "doing" her husband, you have no right to decide what she should know and not know. Their marriage is NONE of your business. She will find out in due time but it's not your "mission" in life to make sure she does. What makes you so special that you should be the bearer of the news?? You're just a symptom of their problems, nothing special and surely not the person that should decide what she knows and doesn't know.....if you can't leave her hubby alone at least leave her alone.....
By the way, you may be disease free now but what's to say he isn't seeing someone else on the side besides you??
I'm not telling you to end the affair but at least grow up!
Why don't you just stop seeing him and be done with all this emotional drama? You're really wasting yourself with this guy.
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People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
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