Four years ago, I woke up and discovered that my husband of 20 years had left me. Later that day, I received a letter from him in the mail. He didn't leave me for another woman, just said that he wanted out. Blamed me for everything and was very cruel. We were divorced a year later and it was a bitter one. My ex stated that I was the cause of our debts, and that he couldn't stand the money problems. Also said that as long as we stayed together, we would never have anyhthing and we would constantly be in debt. Yes, we had debts but nothing any different than any other couple. We owned a house and had credit cards.

After our split, he moved in with his family, never had to pay rent and lived high for several years. He is now living with another woman, or should say, is living "off" another woman. I now live in another state, have paid off my credit cards and am having a house built. My ex, on the other hand has nothing but a fat checking account because he doesn't have to pay rent or mortgage payments.

My problem is, is that I can't seem to move on. I still feel married. I am 56 years old. My husband was 12 years younger, but the age was not the problem.

During the entire split, I never once asked him to come back. I cried but never gave him a hint that I wanted him back. The one single thing that kept me from begging and pleading is that I didn't want to give him the opportunity to say "no." My pride is all that I had left and if he had said "no way" I would have given up everything. I still love him and I do still want him back. There were many problems but I overlooked them. I just don't know what to do.

Is there any hope for getting an ex back after so many years? In the past several years, we have developed a kind of friendship relationship over the phone. We had no biological children. I had two daughters when we married and then, we adopted a son, who is now grown. He sends xmas money for the kids, and helps them out if they need it. But, other than that, he appears to just be a long distant friend. He no longer calls me, but will always return my calls if I ask.

Any advice as to what I should do? Should I take the chance and ask him? Should I just move on?

I stay very, very busy. But, I am so lonely and just want my life back.

[bluechocolate]

Why did you wait so long??

4 years is a long time & you've given no indication that there are any signs that a reconciliation is even on the cards.

The one single thing that kept me from begging and pleading is that I didn't want to give him the opportunity to say "no."

Admitting that you love someone & would like to have a life with them doesn't have to entail begging & pleading.

Should I take the chance and ask him?

You'll never know unless you do.

Should I just move on?

But you haven't in 4 years, though honestly, I think you should.