[Layzie1207]

For people who know my situation, if you dont there are a bunch of posts i started if you want to get familiar, but basically i was reading all our old conversations and it finally hit me what she had wanted me to realize for a long time. that even though i loved her i was being naive and i was treating her terribly. it finally hit me like a freight train was i had been doing and finally all her behavior made sense to me. i sent her an email that said no contact until i figured myself out and why i had acted like i did, but i figured it out the day after i sent the email. now im not going to try and talk to her until around christmas time, but its eating me up that shes getting closer with her best friend, while she still sees me as the person i was. i really want to apologize to her and explain taht i understand how shes felt for a long time and i finally had that revelation, but the only reason im waiting until around christmas time is becuase it seems more plausible for a change in a longer period of time. im just afraid instead of missing me shes going to be more inclined to see me as a worse person and be ok with me not being in her life

[cinnamonstix49]

if you wait too long, it might be too late.

[Layzie1207]

thats what im scared of, i was going to wait until christmas, but i dont know where that fine line between too soon and too late is, its very scary, but i would much rather be too soon than too late. also to ease my nerves about what she thinks about me as a person.

[Layzie1207]

right now ive kind of had that "epiphany" if you will about our entire relationship and how badly i treated her and how shes felt for a long time, i was being so naive and it was right in front of my face the entire time. its like one of those things that everyone saw except me, and now that i understand i dont remember what it was like to feel the way i used to. im scared im going to kind of get complacent with my new feelings about everything and how good of a person i now think i am. i have to remember that she has no idea how i feel and that the last time we spoke i still was crazy and didnt understand anything. shes been hoping that i had this epiphany for a long long long time and now that i finally have it im worried that im not going to show her in the right way, or that im going to just kind of get complacent with my new feelings and forget how she perceives me. its just so weird to me right now how i used to see things and its very hard for me like how to explain how my feelings have changed to her. any suggestions?