Hey, well for about 2 years I had a casual relationship with a guy I work with. I ended up falling in love but he didn't feel the same (was/is seeing other women) so I ended it. I can't enforce no contact coz we work together. It's been 4 months now and all is okay.

My only problem is that every now and then he crosses the line, starts flirting and trying to get physical with me. I want to start up with him again so badly (I've never had sex with anyone like I have with him, it was AMAZING) but I know I can't do it because I will get emotionally attached again and I can't go through another broken heart when I know he will never make a commitment.

I just feel SO IDIOTIC trying to explain this to him. I think he understands but at work drinks or whatever the chemistry takes over and he'll always have a crack at me. I feel like I am forever saying stupid, immature, totally cliched things about self respect and boundaries or whatever and he just doesn't relate to it. Sex for him is fun. I can't make him understand that for me it is only fun in a relationship. I feel like a character from Little House on the Prarie or Seventh heaven even saying stuff like this.

Is there a cool way to get my point across? Can I say, 'I'm not into casual sex' without sounding frigid?

[moimeme]

Who cares if he thinks you're 'frigid'? Stuff him. He's not into you except for fun and that's not the way you operate. Don't be ashamed or apologetic. He needs to respect you for setting your boundaries. You don't really need someone in your life who does not.

[SoleMate]

Why do you care what HE thinks of you? He obviously doesn't care what you think of him, or he wouldn't be acting like such a j*rk.

Sex for him is fun. I can't make him understand that for me it is only fun in a relationship.

Sweetie, he does not want to understand you or admit that he understands you. He wants to manipulate you. Believe me, if someone put a gun to his head, he could be forced to tell them your true feelings about sexual relationships. (Not that I am suggesting this, let me add.) You're engaged in a pointless effort if you really expect that one day he will say, "Oh, OK, I get it" and change his behavior based on your words.

Your actions are the only things that count here. In your shoes, I would be totally frosty with this guy. Work talk ONLY - and if he starts anything else, ask, "Is this work related?" If not, the conversation is abruptly terminated. He may then start gossip about how you are "frigid" - if so, it would just be another way to manipulate you. But even here, you are in a very touchy situation, whereby you not only work with him, but have drinks in a group with him. I'm sure you're going to tell me why you can't look for a new job, but I still think you should.

And everybody else, listen up: NO LOVE AFFAIRS AT WORK unless you're willing to quit the job at a moment's notice should it become necessary.