hi,
my dad is a jerk. he has 4 kids and he hates me. im the middle boy teen. he has a 19yr girl and 4 and 5 yr boy and girl, respectively. He wants me out when im 18. I dont do drugs, i have plenty of friends, i HAD straight A's before he said i can't study late, i have a job, i'm in the best band program in the San Diego area, i'm calm headed and a funny man. Sometimes i wish there was something REALLY wrong with me. i repeatedly get kicked out for the dumbest reasons. I was recently punched in the head because i went downstairs and didn't say hi. I mean im a teen, teens never say hi to a lot of people, parents included. Is it me or him that is insane?
As a mother myself I find what your going through to be absolutely nuts. From what you said your a pretty good kid, has to be hell worrying about being kicked out all the time. Yes teens can be a handful and sometimes their mouths never quit, but that's not a reason to kick them out or punch them in the head. Have you tried to talk to your dad about how it makes you feel when he does stuff like that to you? and as bluechocolate said, where is your mom in all of this?
__________________
REALITY CHECK
You always have a choice. Stop, think, and act (in that order...).
my mom stays out because if she does try to stop my dad he'd just use that as me getting to my mom and me using my mom against him. So if she tries to stop something it makes it worst for me. Damned if she do damned if she don't.
I really can't talk to dad. There is a well established rule that whenever he is angry, i am not allowed to talk. at all. period. If i do talk it would be me overstepping my role as a child. Or he says that im "rationlizing" like some devil lawyer. I've had many 2 hour lectures of me sitting and him talking. if i spoke it only lengthened the time and made him more angry. but if it didn't look like i was ABsorBing everything he said, he'd get more angry.
It sounds like you've got a pretty crappy situation at home. You didn't say how old you are, but I think the absolute best thing you can do is to make preparations NOW for your life at 18.
Get those grades back up. Cut down on the after-school work hours if you need the study time. Work with your school guidance counselor to develop your academic 'resume' in order to make you attractive to college scholarship and grant programs.
When it's time, apply for as many scholarships/grants as you can, and get your butt out of there. You'll have to 'lay low' and play the game for a couple of years around the house, but it will be worth it, if you can get a better start on your adult life. And you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you are working toward your goals.
I'm sorry that your father is being such a jerk with you. If it helps you at all, he will probably mellow with age, and you may find that later on you'll be able to develop a whole new relationship with him.
Hm, I admit, I always pick the threads with the funny subject lines and then they turn out to be serious.... *sigh*
Ok, John Charles, your father doesnīt seem to be very nice, I understand that. My family situation is also crappy, I think Iīve never ever had a sensible worthy talk with my dad and Iīm 28. I think I pretty much ignore him. Itīs awful, I know, I shouldnīt. Iīve never ever had any emotional talk with him in my life and I simply donīt have the courage to do so. Iīm not even sure if I need to or maybe Iīm just doing a damn good job in oppressing it, whatever....
Itīs sad if you canīt talk with your dad and right now I think whatever you do, he wonīt listen. All you can do is concentrate on yourself and be patient. Be open for the communicaton and be the sensible one, your dad isnīt. Heīs stupid if he doesnīt see what a sweet person you are
I think you are a great guy, you are not embittered yet, your subject line shows you have a good sense of humor
I have a lot of difficulties with my dad, for some reason we bump heads a lot, but in the end we always make up and are there for each other. Maybe you should tell your dad that he's being unfair and to remember that in your veins runs the same blood as his!!!
If you're actually getting punched, and thrown out of the house, I take that VERY seriously. It's more than just the ordinary teenager/parent squabbles. Unfortunately, I don't have very good ideas for you other than growing up and moving out. But next time you're sitting through a 2 hour lecture and feeling that your own thoughts are being utterly choked out of you, please remember that I am APPALLED at what your father is doing to you and the rest of the family.
What if you and your mom visited a battered women's shelter, AKA a domestic violence help center, together? They have counselors there with great advice and support for you. Good luck!
__________________ Heavily medicated for your safety.
I totally sympathize the fact that you're subjected to this abuse. You are not alone. I too have gone through it. Not with my dad.. but my Mom. I don't know why you father is doing this to you..since I don't know what his thoughts are. For me.. it was because I'm 'different' ..and that what I am goes strongly against what my Mom believes. Because of this.. and other things.. I wasn't able to make good grades.. to graduate.. and to move out. From what happened back them.. I'm still suffering right now. The only thing I can do is to put all that in the past.. and start a new day.. and to concentrate on myself..and accomplish the goals that I've made for myself.
For you, I strongly do suggest that you continue going to school. Bring them grades up.. believe me.. you will need that in Life. Help out around the house.. he may feel that if you take the initiative to help out..and see if they need something.. that he may start to think that you're putting out more in the household.
If you're making good grades.. and have your report card with you.. show it to your family.. and show that you're goal-oriented... with your ethusiasm.. it may spread to him aswell. You have a job.. hopefully its paying you decent. Save up.. put some money aside..incase things get a little crazy.. and use that money for moving out. You also said that you have many friends.. do you think that you may be able to stay with one of your close friends.. until you're ready to move out on your own? I've done that also.. I've learned that there's people out there with open arms.
We can't really tell you what to do.. its up to you. We don't know what your relationship with your family is like.. but You. We can only offer advice to what we feel may help.. its up to you to decide if our advice would help you with your problem. You seem like a nice guy.. I'm sure that you'll know what to do. Just remember, Good grades in school.. having goals.. and pursuing them.. will help you to keep in track.. and before you know it.. you'll be independant.. and maybe when you're out on your own.. you family will learn to appreciate you more. Never have harsh feelings for what they may have put you through.. don't harbor any negative feelings despit that it has put you down.. if You feel positive about yourself.. feel that you've accomplished alot.. it will only make you a more stronger person.. trust me.
With whatever you choose to do.. I hope it works out for you. Good luck with everything
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
If it helps you at all, he will probably mellow with age, and you may find that later on you'll be able to develop a whole new relationship with him.
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