[MarilynMonroe]

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I started dating my boyfriend about 2 and 1/2 months ago and it's not really what i expected. we went to high school together and he was really smart and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders and i had a crush on him, but we didn't know each other well. well it's 4 years later and now i finally got him and he's not the same. i'm in my 4th year of school and he should be too. he's in school but only taking 1 or 2 classes. i don't count that as going to school if you're seriously trying to get a degree, and i'll be graduating next year (hopefully). my problem with him is, he's not focused. i'm working full time and going to school full time to handle my finanical business and to get my degree so i can start my real career. i want a man that is just as goal-oriented as i am, if not more. and he's workign a part time job making less than i do so lately when we go out, i tend to have to pay. i'm not a gold digger and i don't mind taking my man out sometime, but i am a southern girl with some old fashion beliefs and i feel like i'm the boyfriend in the relationship. and recently he got evited from his apartment. this is the second time he's been evicted so he make not so wise choices about the people (roommates & friends) he associates with and with his money.

what i want advice on is whether or not i should just keep telling him i'm concerned and be patient and keep encouraging him and helping him... or is it obsurd that i have to tell a 22 year old man that maybe he needs to get up and find a better job and go back to school and move out of his parents house and do go back... i just don't why i've been out on my own for almost a year and haven't had any finanical problems. i've been handling a full load of work and school by myself and i pay all my bills on time because i am not trying to have bad credit, but it seems like we're different when it comes to reliability and being able to handle adult life. so should i keep him or let him go like my mom says every time she calls me??? [color=green][/color]

[Melissa7611]

If you have talked to him before and he is still the same...forget it..it will never change. Tell him..that unless he changes NOW, its not gonna work out. You dont need to be telling a 22 year old man, what is right and what is wrong. You dont need to be lecturing him about responsibility, He isnt a 10 year old boy. He's a man, who is refusing to grow up. He's immature and apparently he's not ready for the real world...hence the part time job instead of a full time, taking 1 or 2 classes instead of more...getting evicted from his apt. 2 times!!! Need i say more???

Come on now, you deserve better. I know this hurts. Trust me, i have been through a similar situation. I spent 6 years with my boyfriend...he couldnt find a job, i had to stop going to school to work to pay the bills. And my credit was ruined because since he had no job and i didnt make enough to pay for groceries, etc..the credit card was the last resort.And i wasnt about to ask my parents for help!

Thankfully, i was able to repair my credit and i am done with him! He is dating someone else..which yes..hurt very much..but then i realized...she was now his mother! Let her deal with his crap

You seem to have everything in order and you deserve better. Talk to him one more time and lay it down for him...either he grows up..or this is it. And make sure he knows this is IT!!!


Believe me...he may never change if u continue to accept all his crap!

Good luck

[DJ_Dork]

Let's not talk about "What's better for who and what" - You knew what educational/career shape he was in and yet you decided to still date him. Why? Because perhaps you like his personality.. but then the career/money thing came up behind your head. Do you even know what you want? Next time don't just lead a guy hoping he will change or become your illusion of a boyfriend. We can't give you an answer whether " to keep him" or not.

But you gotta think for a bit, your whole post concentrated on money values (school/work) - and looks like he doesn't have that and never did from the beginning. Don't impose your fantasy boyfriend image on him , you should've dated someone that fit more of your criteria.

[MarilynMonroe]

In the beginning he did fit my standards. After we graduated he started dating this other girl who went to our high school and he was going to school and working a good job taking care of mentally disabled people, but he says that he thinks his ex ruined him, which he does give into peer pressure very easily. but i don't think it's right for him to try to blame how he's changed all on her. i do like his personality, but i don't like that fact that he is not a strong person. but anyway, he was working taking care of the mentally disabled and then he left there and was working for AT&T Wireless like I was and then he got fired and it seemed like he wasn't in too much of a hurry to find a new job. And I do know what I want as far as my career goes. I'm almost done with my teaching degree. I've always wanted to be a teacher.

I have noticed some changes in him though so I do think he's trying since I've voiced my concerns. I'm still giving him a chance. I just don't want him to turn into a scrub who thinks he can free load off me because that's what it looked like at one point.

[snilljente]

"His ex ruined him?!"....He is in charge of his own life! Please we have all been hurt...but we don't let any of it ruin us...especially at the young age of 22....it should make you stronger and help you grow if anything. I dated someone like this this summer...he was 34 and every thing bad that had happened to him in his life was SOMEONE else's fault....run for the hills!!!