To have children.....or not to have children....that is the question!!
My boyfriend and I got into this discussion last night......he said that he's not sure he even WANTS kids because it scares him a little to have to be responsible for someone one day other than himself....which is odd since I told him if we're married he'd be partially responsible for me....but anyways, he said that if we have kids there will be SO MANY THINGS we won't be able to do and we'll have WAY less money and we'll be like everyone else who works at a job they despise and pays the mortgage and owns a house and never has any money for anything but the kids......what do YOU guys think about this??
My argument is that I've wanted children for as long as I can remember. I can actually remember being 8 and telling my mom I couldn't wait to have babies so I could have 12 of them and live happily ever after. Maybe that's not so realistic but even though I'm not a parent I'm pretty sure there's a LOT of people out there who think having kids was one of the greatest things they ever did that they are SO GRATEFUL they decided to do? What's better than having a piece of your love out there? A child that you can teach everything based on how YOU see the world, someone who you can cuddle with and love and who looks up to you....I just don't think there's anything better than that....so share with me your ideas guys....I want to hear from everyone but feel free to add your two cents if you have kids as well to tell me what you think of it.......
I think he's being selfish myself. Just because you have children it doesn't mean you're going to wind up at a job you despise, you're going to have to pay a mortgage anyway, and there are so many MORE things you can do with your children. He's looking at this all wrong in my opinion.
We have 5 little, "cling-ons", and there is never, never a dull moment!!!!!
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"The conscience water saw it's maker, and blushed" - Water to Wine......
Don't worry, I would NEVER be able to get married to someone who is not willing to have children with me. Last night was the first time my long-time boyfriend ever said anything like that to me. He says he definitely wants one....not sure about more. But he's such a sweetheart I bet we would have one and he'd be addicted and want more Awwww I can't wait!! Right now I think he's just seeing the negative side of being a parent b/c he has a close friend that hasn't been able to hang out much since he had a kid cuz he has no money and spends a lot of time with his child.
Wow I would LOVE to have 5 kids one day.....I've always loved being in houses where there's kids everywhere doing ten different things...maybe that's why shows like "7th Heaven" are the types of shows I enjoy.....I've always thought 6 kids is the magic number...but who knows....
HAHA One at a time dear I couldn't imagine myself with more than two! I always thought I wanted alot of children ( I have one) and now it's changed, you never know what's going to happen.
How old is he? He could be in the wrong mindset. And some people don't want (or need) kids. To each their own, but you just may want to find someone with similar thoughts on rearing children.
But again, he could just be young and not as mature.
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"Well it’s time to go home
And I ain't even done with the night." JcM
How so? By not wanting to have children or by not wanting to give his girlfriend the opportunity to have a child?
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What's better than having a piece of your love out there? A child that you can teach everything based on how YOU see the world, someone who you can cuddle with and love and who looks up to you....I just don't think there's anything better than that....
I think this attitude is more selfish.
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People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Reading: The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins
Oh my boyfriend is 25 (in a month)....I wouldn't break up with him over this...I know he would never tell me we're not having ANY children, he knows how I feel about children. Even two would be ok and he's said before 2 would be ok.
Well, I would never try to tell you what to do. It's your life.
However, I read your first post and it said that your boyfriend did not know if he ever wanted kids.
Then, later you said he wanted just one.
My dear, you should listen to him.
He may be trying to keep you around for your current relationship.
Alot of men don't want kids.
I know this is shocking to you, but true. Why do you think that so many kids are raised by single mothers?
I will tell you, and it may be painful to hear: Women think the men they are in love with will be forced to be with them when they have their babies. NOT.
Please! Find a man who first wants to get married.
Then discuss having 1 child.
Have the child and see if you want to do it again.
See if you can afford it. Or another. Or if your husband wants to.
Amen to that Elmo, being a Single parent is very hard, before you think about having children make sure your spouse is in it for the long haul and for the children. saying that it's still impossible to know for sure.
Exactly stoneheather,
I just don't get how someone can think that wanting to love your child and do everything you can to make sure they have a happy life and grow up to be awesome human being can be SELFISH....maybe I missed something...
A little of both. He's more concerned with having time and money to do what he wants to do, and disregards her desire to have children.
Everyone should have the right to live their life in a way they feel makes them the happiest. If he doesn't want to have children I don't understand how that makes him selfish. She is not forced to be in a relationship him and if she decided to end the relationship because she wanted children, would you in turn call her selfish for not sacrificing her desire to have children for him?
Having children isn't an obligation that we've acquired by simply having been given life. There are people in this world that are destined to be parents and there are people that are destined not to be parents. By forcing the concept that everyone should have a child we are populating the world with children that are born to people that truly have no interest in raising a child. Not having children isn't selfish - having children and then having no interest in raising them is selfish.
I wish more people would take the time to decide if in fact they honestly want to raise a child. It is no easy task and many parents are failing at it miserably.
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