[LostSleep]

Hello everyone!

I have a problem that maybe someone here can help me with. I've been in a relationship for about 8 years (lived together for 5) with a wonderful women. About 6years into the relationship we got engaged. It's been about 2 years into the engagement with a wedding planned...today to be exact.
Life problem prevented us from achieving our common goal. About a 9 months ago she lost her job...then six months into her losing her job I lost mine.
During the "workless time" we started to fight alittle abit...then more and more. We'd fight about stupid stuff and it seemed to last for days. I would ask her "Is everything O.K.?" she say "Fine..Why do you ask?" I'd say "You haven't said a word for an hour and we're in the same room." this lasted for about a month or two.
Then a family member (lives out-of-state) of hers was having a child and she wanted to go and visit around the birth date to witness the birth first hand. Being that it was their first child I thought it was best to stay behind. I stayed behind to hold down the fort. When she got down there her family threw her a surprise bacholorette party.
That night I didn't talk to her until about 2PM the next day. When we talked she said she had a good time. "I told her good to hear ..that was nice that they did that for you."
I asked what time did you get home? She told me that she slept at her step-sis's house. Step sis lives with a roomie who was not home that night.
A few days later she came home from her trip and was acting alittle different..very argumentative and cold. We would seem OK...but she was not like before.
We would go to bed but itamacy was not there. This lasted for about 3 more months and I was ready to give up. Then one day in the middle of a "talk" I asked her if she wanted to still wanted to marry me anymore? Her reply was cold "I can't be successful at that right now." I was hurt. I had nothing to say but "Should I move out?" She said "Why would you move out?" I told her that if I can't make it with you here then maybe it'll work elsewhere. She then replied "Maybe I should go." After about two days of "talking" about it I agreed to let her go.
She did not want to break up with me. "We're still together...we're just taking a break." was her answer to friends and family. I was sceptical about it but I loved her with everything I had. She moved out to live with family out-of-state and would be back after she straightened her life out.
I didn't know how to take it. She got there and started school..got a job and seemed happier. Meanwhile back at the fort I was struggling and hurt. Lots of lost sleep. I had to get a room mate to help me with things. I'd try to keep the line of communications open but it seemed she never wanted to talk about things. I still felt I wasn't getting the "whole truth".
Then one day she confessed about something I never expected. She told me she was talking to people online on a dating web site. She said she never met any of these people or talked to them on a phone but she did swap pictures. I asked her "Where are they from?" She told me from the same town I now live in. Then told me she'd never do it again and gave me her user name and password. I was floored.
One night during a storm she went to a friends house and I didn't hear from her until the next day.She said the phones were out and she couldn't call. Time passed and it seemed to be "another argument" about it. So I dropped it.
She made some new friends at school who liked to go out on weekends..she'd go and come home after 3am and call me. I would bring some-things up that still bothered me and she would tell me that "I didn't do anything wrong." "I never cheated on you." " If i wanted to be a single women then I would be." " I wouldn't do that to you ...I love you too much." I just thought to myself "then why did you lie to me?" Thinking that I was being led on I started to become insecure. I didn't know what to do.
I'd ask her "Is there something you should tell me? " "Are you happy?" her only reply was "I'd be happy if you would stop bringing this up from the past...please get over it." What am I getting over? What is IT? It's been quite awhile (6 months) that she has been away. She tells me she will be coming back. I don't know if that's true. What do I say if I feel like I'm getting nowhere. How can you tell if she is being honest/dishonest? Question session now open:

[Moose]

After reading your post, this is what I gathered, and these are just opinions.

It's hard to tell from what you know if she cheated on you, (I'm just thinking that maybe that's what you really want to know).....BUT, it seems that now she's having second doubts. It's as if something significant happened during her visit home....maybe she ran into an old flame or something.....

When she said she's not able to be successful with marriage right now, that in itself tells me that she's thinking of what she'll miss out on....don't take that as a bad sign...it's actually very good...why you may ask? Because....when she's ready to commit, she'll be yours.....totally!!!! 110% yours.....be grateful that this is happening now and not 10 years into your marriage.

As hard as this may be for you to go through, rest assured.....really, that if it's meant to be you and her, she's going to make sure it's forever!

Now....get some rest!

[Moose]

BTW.......your avatar brings back a ton of memories!!!!

[LostSleep]

Memories is what makes me live for tommorrow. Pictures of good times cascade in my head.

I thank you for you reply. I will get some sleep...when she returns.