Long newbie message, I know.
Not asking a specific question. I just need to get this off my chest.
Me: I'm seventeen, female, and in love with a guy friend of mine, and h e doesn't know it. By the general school populace, I’m considered something of a cold-hearted tomboy.
I've never had a boyfriend before (through my own choice – love has never been my first priority, until now).
The guy: Also seventeen, extremely chivalrous (always has been), kind of shy and reserved, but can be very outspoken when you catch him in the right mood. He's never had a girlfriend. Very well liked by those who bother to get to know him.
I've known him for over ten years, been on casual / friendly terms for at least five now, our families are on good terms with each other (moms are friends), live in the same neighborhood, and we have so many common interests and traits that it scares me sometimes (in a good way). We’re both pretty down-to-earth.
I have only viewed him as a friend until a few weeks ago. We spent a lot of time in close-contact with each other on a week long, overnight school trip, and though adventure, long conversations, and some playful flirting (First it was only me flirting, then finally it was returned! Almost had a heart attack…), we got to know eachother more... deeply? …and I fell for him.
Now that we're back to a regular schedule, it's hard to keep up the flirting as we only have one class together, and we're both generally interested in getting good marks at school. Not only that, but when he's with his group of guy friends, or people I don’t know, I feel really REALLY awkward approaching him `just to talk`. I do, however, make a point of talking to him at least once a day (lifts my mood every time…), even if it’s just a few words between classes.
He rarely, almost never, approaches me or seeks me out to talk… but I see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye sometimes. Those rare occasions that he does engage conversation, his voice sounds very confident, but it looks as if he’s squirming inside (intimidated, maybe?). It's gotten a little better since week one, though. I’ve been showing him my submissive side, and it seems to help a bit…
Generally when we're talking, he has trouble meeting my eye, and he tends to fidget and wring his hands nervously. Sometimes connect immediately and really get going on a topic, but more often, he's so polite that I can’t figure out if he’s just making pleasantries, or is genuinely interested in holding a conversation with me. I’m certainly interested in what he has to say…
When I find the nerve to casually touch him, he either looks as if he’s going to faint, or has fallen deep in thought. It’s endearing, but I keep thinking I’m bothering him…
I really want to tell him I have new feelings for him, and have almost said it over the last five times I’ve seen him, but I chicken out every time. I have the words I want to say, I have the opportunity to catch him alone to say it, but then I just choke. Him being so edgy around me doesn’t help either… I feel like I’m pressuring him too much…
I want to know if he just wants to be friends, or is interested in something more… but he’s not saying anything, and I keep freezing up.
Again… the length of this... I’m sorry… Somebody slap me! Please!
If you actually took the time to read the whole thing, thanks.
Tall, nervous girl likes shorter, nervous guy.
shy guys
Linear Mode
